Author Archives: Fawn Weaver

About Fawn Weaver

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

It’s Time to Get It Together

In the amount of time it might take you to read this short blog post, pin a few pictures on Pinterest or comment on your friend’s posts on Facebook, you can eat a delicious crisp apple, snack on a pack of baby carrots, do several sets of jumping jacks and get on your knees for a few rounds of yoga push-ups. 

Today, we’re beginning a series I hope will revolutionize your life and kick your happiness up a few notches.  Being a happily married woman is one thing.  Being happy in every area of your life is altogether different.  But both are attainable, achievable, reasonable and are within your reach.

So why did I begin this article by talking about fitness and nutrition?  Because it is impossible, I believe, to get every area of your life together if your brain and body aren’t clicking on all cylinders.  In order to boost your life to its highest level of happiness over the next 21 days, you’re going to need all your synapses firing correctly.

Nutrition is more important than many of us give credit.  To think clearly and sleep peacefully through the night, we need to feed our body the nutrition it needs.  Now, I’m no health food junkie.  I eat more sweets and carbs than I probably should and can always do better.  But here is what I have done right since I lost 30 pounds 16 years ago: 1) I’ve kept it off without a struggle; and 2) I eat when I’m hungry and I stop when I’m full.

Most of us overeat without knowing that’s what we’re doing.  And when we overeat, we cause different organs in our body to overcompensate which decreases our productivity (if you’ve ever experienced a food coma after eating too much or a major sugar crash around 3pm, you know what I’m talking about).  When we give our body everything it needs to excel, it in turn propels us to do just that.

If you eat perfectly, are at your desired weight, are as fit as you’d like to be, sleep as well as you want at night, and have as much energy as you’d like during the day, my writing over the next two days may not be of great help to you.  So meet us back here for Day 4 of this series where we’ll move beyond the physical aspect of our lives and onto the areas that ultimately allow us to choose happiness daily.

But if you are deficient in any of the areas above, I’ve got a few “shortcuts” I’ll share with you over the next couple days that will help you become your best self in the area of fitness and nutrition (no need to wait to make another New Year’s resolution).  It is imperative to be your best self in this area because so much of our happiness can be snared every morning by what we see in the mirror.  And if I can help you be happy with your own reflection -and faster than you may think, using free materials you already have at your fingertips- that’s where it makes most sense to begin.  So if you’re in, let’s get started.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!  

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21 Days to a Happier You

As I read back through blog posts I’ve written over the past year, one theme comes up more than any other and that is the single best piece of marital advice Keith and I have received, and thank God we heard it in our first year of marriage: happiness is a choice.  I’ve now travelled the world, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more in 10 vastly different countries and I continue to come back to this singular notion that we all have control over our own happiness.

It has long been accepted that it takes 21 days to create a new habit.  The challenge is I have no idea where that concept ever began and don’t know that it’s ever been proven.  But I do know if I focus on the same goal for 21 days, I am more likely to continue working toward it and it is highly unlikely I won’t see some positive development from my focus within those first 21 days.  Whether that be a consistent fitness regime, healthy eating or beginning each day with a thought of gratitude.

Like me, I know many of you absolutely love being married.  The relationship with your husband is a great source of happiness.  But are you happy in every aspect of your life?  If your answer is no, this is the series for you!  

Join me Monday as we dive into the 3 things (yes, they’re only three) that impact your overall happiness for better or worse:

Relationship with Self

Relationship with Others

Relationship with God

These three relationships control every other aspect of our lives and if we have any hope whatsoever of living the life we most desire, exceeding the goals we set for ourselves and living a genuine life full of happiness and peace, all three of these relationships will need to be improved.

But I’ve got some great news!  It doesn’t require more than 21 days to make these improvements and you’ll be on your way to a happier you…just in time for Christmas!  Don’t wait until January 1st to make resolutions to live a happier life, be a better you, and love more completely.  Let’s begin together…Monday, November 19th.  See you here, same time, same place.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Communication 101: Stop, Look & Listen

I recently came across a website that reminded me of something Keith and I always try to do to ensure we ease into discussions rather than crashing into arguments.  The first thing we do is: Presume innocense.  The second is to: Stop, Look and Listen.

On the Department of Transport website for the UK, there’s a series of interactive games for kids on this very topic.  “If you stop, look, and listen, the scars you’ll be missin,” is the header on one of the games. 

The first page shows a little boy about to cross the street.  It allows you to decide if he “stops, looks and listens” and if you choose that he doesn’t, he walks into a road and is hit by a car and carried several feet ahead until his body is dropped and he’s bruised from head to toe. 

Now, our government in the US would get sued by more organizations than I can imagine if it tried to create an animated game like this but it certainly got my attention.  And then it made me laugh out loud thinking about the fact that this was on a government transportation site. 

I laughed so hard I began to do this snorting thing I can’t seem to stop when something really cracks me up.  On the “Safer Place to Cross Game,” the tagline reads, “Cross the road where it’s safe ‘cos legs in plaster really chafe!”  Love that British humor. 

On a slightly milder UK government site, a different game begins by showing two different road options, one going straight and one curving to the left, “Which of these is the safer place to cross?”  When I chose the straight road, I received a happy face, “Very good!  Always cross where you can see the traffic coming both ways.  A straight part of the road is good for this.”

Communicating with my husband is not too dissimilar from this.  If I know what I’m dealing with, can be reasoned rather than emotional, listen and ask questions to better understand, rather than thinking of my defense or response, our conversations always go much smoother.  So every time I find myself at a conversation intersection with my spouse, I always remember to stop, look & listen.  And I’m always grateful I did.

QUESTION: What is the best advice you’ve ever heard on how to successfully communicate with your spouse?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With nearly 75,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

Always a Happy Ending

There is a billboard ad I see often as I’m entering or departing out of Los Angeles Int’l Airport for a Las Vegas nightclub.  The billboard features a woman’s nude backside from the neck to the hips with Chinese letters extending down her back and the following tagline along the top: ALWAYS A HAPPY ENDING.

That billboard came to mind tonight as I nestled in the bed next to Keith with my arms wrapped around him and his around me.  Not because of what that billboard alludes to (as it’s most certainly meant to be provocative and a bit crude) but rather in how we’ve determined no matter what stress or strain we’ve experienced in that day, we will always have a happy ending.

On the way home from a birthday party for my sister, we’d disagreed about something Keith and I were both passionate about.  He had one view and I had another.  I expressed my feelings and he expressed his but by the end of the conversation, we still did not see eye to eye.  But this is one of the things I love most about being married to my best friend.  

Neither of us felt a need to be one hundred percent right.  We’ve long understood marriage is a win-win or lose-lose proposition; either we will both win or we will both lose.  Since we weren’t able to fully understand the other’s position, we simply asked each other to pause and pray about it.  And then we moved on to an unrelated topic.

No animosity, no resentment, no frustration.  We knew we’d need to return to the prior conversation at a later date, but for now, we’d continue to love on each other as if tonight could be our last.  Because we recognize, it very well could.  

So as I laid next to him with my head buried in his chest, I thought about all the reasons what he’d said made sense.  And how I could have responded better.  As he reached down multiple times to kiss my forehead, he acknowledged the same.  

At some point over the next couple days, we’ll return to this conversation and I have no doubt we’ll both have a greater understanding of what the other was trying to express earlier this evening.  But for tonight, nothing matters more than our daily happy ending and making sure we do not close our eyes without the other knowing our love is greater than any divide and our respect for one another exceeds any desire to be right.  

He did that.  I did that.  And now we can go to sleep in peace looking forward to seeing each other’s smiling faces once we arise in the morning.

QUESTION: Do you find the longer you’re married the easier it is to disagree while continuing to convey your love and respect for one another?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 74,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

Your Favorite Love Songs

We are having so much fun with lists this week.  On Monday, I asked what book on marriage, family or relationships had impacted your life the most.  A couple hundred of you responded and on Wednesday, I posted the 10 Best Marriage Books..Ever!

Yesterday, I asked what song, whenever you hear it, makes you think of your husband?  What I loved about the results was more than 600 of you responded within a few hours and gave more than 400 different answers.  Everything from classic rock to country to R&B and hip hop made the list.  But it was country music that seemed to rule the HWC airwaves from the Midwest to the East Coast to the Philippines.

What I loved most about your responses on our Facebook and Twitter communities was learning about so many great songs I’d never heard.  Like Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.  Throughout the day, I’d pause in the middle of working and listen to one of the songs you introduced me to.  Let’s just say I was feeling quite romantic and wished my hubby would walk through the door at any time (although that would have made for a less-than-productive work day, to say the least)!

The song mentioned the most times was by a man Keith and I watched win the CMA Entertainer of the Year award this past Sunday, Blake Shelton.  I love country music almost as much as I love books so I’m quite surprised I’d never heard this song but I’m so glad so many of you shared it:

The song mentioned the second most times, Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, is one of my all-time favorites:

And just so you don’t think only men made the list, You’re Still The One by Shania Twain most certainly deserves an honorable distinction for being the 3rd most mentioned song.  Here’s to a weekend of making sweet music together.

QUESTION: What song, whenever you hear it, makes you think of your husband?  If you didn’t get a chance to get your husband’s “special song” on the list, here’s your chance.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 74,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

10 Best Marriage Books…Ever

On Monday, I shared with you what books have impacted my marriage the most.  I then asked you what books had made the greatest impact on your marriage.  More than 200 of you responded and I was pretty surprised by the results.

Although I didn’t have any set expectations regarding what your responses would be, I was surprised at how many said the same books over and over.  With the number of marriage books that have come into the market over the past 20 years, I didn’t think the responses would be so lopsided.  I guess that means these books must be pretty doggone good.

I am a lover of books and many of the books on this list, including the one that tied the Bible for the #1 marriage book, I’ve never gotten around to purchasing.  I guess that will now change.  So without further ado, the following is the list of top marriage books…ever…as voted by you:

1. The Holy Bible

1. Love and Repect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (this book tied the Bible for most votes)

2. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

3. Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

4. Love Dare (Fireproof) by Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick

5. The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

6. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

7. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

8. Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman

9. The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle

10. Real Marriage by Mark & Grace Driscoll

QUESTION: Want to add your favorite marriage or relationship book to this list?  With more than 73,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

What Book is on Your Nightstand?

I absolutely love books.  So much so that a few years ago, Keith insisted on me getting a library card and going on a book-buying moratorium.  At the time, he claimed we were going to need to purchase a larger home just to accommodate my books.  

In fairness to him, he may not have been too far off from the truth.  In fairness to me, renting from the library isn’t the same because I can’t highlight and tab the books so that idea never took root.

The night stand next to my bed is piled with books (I can only read one at a time so why are there so many).  Nearly every closet in our home contains stacks of books along the top and I have one large closet dedicated solely to books.

There is just something about books I find so hard to eliminate.  I have textbooks from college I just can’t bring myself to get rid of.  A book from Nutrition 101 that I hold on to just in case I want to be reminded at a later date of some of the more interesting lessons contained (as if that textbook isn’t completely out of date at this point).  

I began reading books on marriage and relationships long before I met my husband.  I wanted to be prepared as possible for the road that lied ahead.  I wanted to be the best wife I could be in advance.  I desired to be a whole person before I met the man I’d share the rest of my life with.

The marriage books I think have been the most helpful to me have been The Five Love Languages (although that one I just read earlier this year when members of this club voted it their number one pick), The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman (I love any book by him), Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey and Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.  I realize Total Money Makeover may seem like an odd choice when talking about marriage but I actually think it’s the one book every married couple should read through together.  One of the greatest challenges in marriage are poor finances so taking that out of the equation allows a couple much smoother sailing. 

Question: What is the best book (or books) you’ve ever read on marriage, family and/or relationships?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 73,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

A Political Guide for Marriage

The title for this blog post is really “A Political Guide for Marriage: What To Do When You’re Red & He’s Blue,” but there simply wasn’t enough space.  Keith and I were chatting with friends last night, a couple happily married more than 50 years, that we love and respect completely.  They had a question for us, “So how did you vote on the death penalty initiative?”  In California, there is an initiative on the ballot to ban the death penalty and change our state to the highest punishment being life without chance of parole.

Keith and I looked at each other and just laughed because we have very different views on this topic.  I won’t tell you which one of us are on which side as this is not a political site and I have no desire to delve into political or social views.  But I will say this, when Keith and I shared with them our respective views, our blood never boiled, we didn’t get worked up and we remained best friends throughout the conversation.  I respect his opinion.  He respects mine.  But on this issue, we simply disagree.

Our friends were both leaning in the direction of the way I felt about this issue but told us they didn’t start off in agreement.  ”After a little bit of fighting we’re now on the same page,” they joked.  We know them well enough to know they may have disagreed but they certainly didn’t fight over political differences.  The presidential election comes once every four years.  Political pundits and media gain higher ratings by creating large divides between each side and adding fuel to the flame as often as possible.  That is their job.  But they have no jurisdiction in my home.  

When the election is over, this country will still have a president (same or new), some folks will go to congress and some will be put out to pasture.  Certain propositions will pass and many will fail.  But what will not fail is my will, desire and determination to stay on the same page with my husband when it comes to our relationship and marriage.  Disagreeing on political views is par for the course when you marry someone who is different from yourself and in our case, opposites certainly attracted.

QUESTION: Do you and your husband have the same political views?  If not, what do you do to keep the peace when you have opposing views?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 72,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Keeping a Scoreless Marriage

So often I’m reminded not to keep score when it comes to marriage.  When my husband does something unintentional that hurts or disappoints me, not to keep score and allow that to impact the moments and days following that infraction.  I remind myself of how wonderful he is and how he never means to say or do anything to hurt me.  Of this, I am certain.

Years ago, Keith said something that has always stayed with me.  When giving another couple advice about marriage he told them he always “presumes innocence” when it comes to me and our relationship.  He knows I love and adore him more than anything in this world.  But he also recognizes I’m deeply flawed as a human being and he’s also not without fault.  None of us are perfect so we’ve long decided to accept each other’s differences and to never keep score when one does something wrong.

But recently I realized I’m not as diligent with not keeping score when I do something right.  When I take out the trash instead of waiting for Keith to do it.  When I clean up the house or do laundry, even when my work day has been as jam packed as his, I look for a gold star.  I didn’t realize this until more recently.  When I do something, I want his recognition.  When I’m deciding if I’ll do something I know he’d appreciate but would be a bit of an inconvenience for me, I sometimes take inventory of what I’ve most recently done and make my decision from there.  That’s a flawed thought process.  Thank goodness I now realize that.

I am reminding myself daily that all I give to my husband is just that, a gift.  All I do for our household is not only for him but is also for me.  I have to remember keeping a scoreless marriage means not keeping “score” of not only what my husband does wrong, but also of what I do right.  

QUESTION: When you do things for your husband or even around the house, do you look for him to give you “gold stars” or do you give of your time and love because you know he would do the same for you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

COMMENTS: With more than 72,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Marriage Does a Body Good

I’ve always loved the milk commercials and print ads with the celebrities and kids with milk moustaches, “Milk.  It does a body good,” they all proclaim.  For the lactose intolerant people in this world, like me, milk does a lot of things to my body and I assure you they aren’t all good.  But I tell you what has done wonders to my body: a happy marriage.

One of the things I learned in my travels around the world in search of the secret to a happy marriage, was every happily married couple I interviewed had some sort of daily ritual.  Coffee in the morning before the day begins, port and appetizers at the end of the day, watching their favorite television show together, there were many different rituals but the key to all of them was consistency.

While conducting these interviews, I began to notice this pattern and immediately began thinking about a ritual Keith and I could begin once I returned home from my travels.  He loves coffee, quite possibly more than food, but caffeine is not a friend to my skin.  If I drink too much, my skin begins to resemble that of a teenager going through puberty.  So I came up with another idea.  We could workout together.

As soon as I returned, I signed us up at a local fitness studio that offers yoga and spinning.  We began taking the class every morning at 5:30am.  Before we could wipe the sleep out of our eyes or convince one another we were too tired to go, we were already in the car and on our way.  This is when I realized how much more difficult it is to talk yourself out of a daily workout when your partner is expecting you to do it together.

If I want to workout daily so I can look more fit naked (not just in clothes), cut back on sugar, give up processed foods or eat healthier, it’s a lot easier to do that when you know someone is holding you accountable.  Marriage provides a built-in accountability partner.  Of all the beautiful benefits of marriage, this is one of my favorites.  In my life, marriage –quite literally- does the body good.

Question: Have you and your husband ever dieted or worked out together?  Do you find it easier to stick with a program when you have your husband as an accountability partner?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!    

COMMENTS: With more than 71,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Happy With What I’ve Got

I can’t help but write about Nadeen and Alex again.  I mentioned them yesterday in my post about happily married couples seeming to have the secret to looking and feeling young.  From the moment Nadeen and Alex heard about the Happy Wives Club, they began sharing with me some of the benefits they’ve enjoyed from marriage: having a partner throughout the unavoidable ups and downs of life, raising two beautiful boys together, enjoying “us” time, reaching for their dreams together, etcetera.

She and Alex told me they’d recently been talking about the fact that almost all the people around them were getting divorced or were unhappy in their marriages.  Their relationship was a bit of an anomaly among their group of family and friends.  I inquired about what they thought was the difference between their happy marriage and the unhappy marriages of many of those around them.  It took only seconds for them to answer, “So many people think the grass is greener on the other side and they try [in vain] to find happiness somewhere else.  We prefer our own grass.”

They told me how so many of those around them bought big houses outside of the city and then spent all their time on the road commuting to and from work, barely having any time for their families.  Alex and Nadeen have always kept it simple.  They bought a small home and made sure the entire family had dinner together every night.  Now, that the kids are grown and it’s just the two of them, they spend almost every waking hour at their print shop.  But they’d have it no other way because even when they’re at work, they’re still together.  They’ve always made their family the priority.

I thought about them again today as I sit in my hotel room in Harrisburg, PA.  I’m certain they’ll be a lot of beautiful green grass in this city.  But the greenest grass, the garden I love the most, is awaiting me in Los Angeles, California and I can’t wait to return home.

Question: So many marriages break up because people think the “grass is greener on the other side.”  What do you do to ensure your own grass is what you prefer most?

Until Monday…make it a great day!   

COMMENTS: With more than 71,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Happy Marriages: The Fountain of Youth

One of the things I love most about being a marriage advocate, and writing exclusive on the positive aspects of being married, is I seem to attract happily married couples everywhere I go. 

The day before I flew to Vegas a couple weeks ago, I realized I was out of business cards and needed to order some quick.  I Googled “business cards and Marina Del Rey” and called the first print shop to pop up. 

The woman that answered the phone, Nadeen, was so kind and assured me they could complete the cards by the end of the day.  She asked me to send the artwork to her graphic designer, Alex, and they’d get started.

When I arrived at the print shop at nearly 8pm, I was greeted by Nadeen, her two gorgeous dogs and Alex.  She went to look for my business card proof but didn’t see it on her desk.  When she asked Alex, I couldn’t help but notice his response, “Sweetheart, they’re right there on the table.”

“It couldn’t be.  Could it?” I thought.  By now, I’m accustomed to happily married people crossing my path daily, so I had a feeling this might be another one of those encounters.  I immediately began probing.  How long had they owned the shop and worked together?  12 years.  Did they enjoy working together?  Absolutely.  How many children?  2 sons.  How long had they been married?  31 years. 

That last answer took me by surprise.  I would have pegged them both for being in their early 40’s.  But this too, is something I have become accustomed to finding in happy couples.  I shared with them the recent worldwide adventure I’d returned from in my quest to find the secret to a happy marriage and some of my more interesting findings. 

“Happy marriages seem to be a youth elixir,” I told them.  I’m yet to meet a couple who have been happily married 25 years or more that don’t look at least 10 years younger than their actual age.  Usually, they look between 15-20 years younger.  One of the wives I interviewed in Cape Town, South Africa was 67 years old but barely looked 50 and had more energy than me (and I’ve got energy to spare). 

I wish I could tell you I’ve done a scientific study on the effects of marriage on thickness of hair, suppleness of skin, strength of nails and heightened energy but that would be a fib.  I can only tell you I’ve interviewed more happily married couples than I can count and there is one thing I can’t help but notice in all of them.  They seem to not only have the secret to a happy marriage but unlimited access to the fountain of youth.

And as an added bonus, the Mayo Clinic has confirmed through their research happily married couples have lower rates of heart failure, cancer, and other diseases.  So other than the benefit of being happy (which is a blessing all by itself), at least two additional benefits of being happily married are living longer and enjoying more energy while you’re alive.

Question: What do you think are some of the benefits of having a happy marriage?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 71,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.