Releasing the expectation of perfection in yourself and in others may be one of the most difficult tasks we must accomplish as women.  I’m not sure how or why so many of us grew up desiring perfection; especially, in what we all know to be an imperfect world.  In theory, we accept that we’re imperfect people and yet, we still try to reach perfection in nearly everything we do and we tend to have the same expectation of others.  It is generally our expectations of others that fail us; not the actual person.

I am a recovering perfectionist.  I phrase it that way because perfectionism is like an addiction and it can be incredibly difficult to kick the habit.  When I first married in 2003, I didn’t realize this about myself.  Whenever Keith would point out an area he thought I could improve upon, I would immediately turn the tables around and point out a similar area in which he could use a little growth. 

The desire to be perfect was one of my greatest flaws in the early years of our relationship.  So much so that it made me defensive and made Keith reluctant to share his less-than-positive thoughts with me.  That was, until I had an ‘aha’ moment.  I realized I can never change or improve upon another person; that must be their own work.  I can only change and improve upon myself.  I didn’t need to point out his imperfections as a defense mechanism to keep him from pointing out mine.  Being perfect, I discovered, was A-okay; it was simply a reminder that I was only human. 

Welcoming constructive criticism from my husband -who I know loves and adores me to pieces- rather than resisting it, has made me a better person.  Reminding myself daily that I’m a work in progress (W.I.P.) and will never be perfect (nor should I ever strive to be) has allowed me to fully enjoy life without this unrealistic burden.  

Sharing with my husband areas in which I believe he still has room to grow, while allowing him to do it in his own time and at his own pace, let’s him know I love him exactly where he is today.  And he, in turn, does exactly the same which frees me to just be me…one million flaws and all.  I’m able to spend my time basking in everything wonderful about him and know that his flaws will lessen as time goes on (just as mine will).  

There is something oddly freeing about focusing on what is great about those around you while simultaneously accepting constructive criticism about yourself from those who love you.  Not because you want your closest friends and family to point out every area in your life that could use some growth.  But rather because inviting this type of feedback allows you to hear what others are likely thinking but may not be transparent enough to say.  

Accepting you are a W.I.P. takes the pressure off of you to be perfect, which in turn, removes your expectancy that other’s too will be without flaws.  And when you let go of your hope for other’s to be perfect, a similar grace is naturally bestowed upon you.  Release your expectation of perfection in yourself and others today and watch the dial on your happiness meter continue to head north.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I adore Annett Davis and her family.  Annett blogs over at Fit Mom Fit Kids Club and truly practices what she preaches.  Keith and I love spending time with her family and have never failed to leave their presence inspired.  As a matter of fact, the picture above is of Annett and her family and they really do have that much energy!

During this 21-day series on becoming a Happier You, I knew I’d want someone great to write on the topic of building better relationships with your children.  Only, I couldn’t do it because Keith and I have not been able to have children and we will celebrate a decade of marriage next year.  As the doctors work their magic and try to get our reproductive systems working properly, I will simply enjoy the advice of other wonderful moms.  Of which, Annett is one of my absolute favorites.

I hope you enjoy today’s guest post and until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Today I’m thrilled and honored to share with the wonderful women of The Happy Wives Club! I’ve been a wife for 16 great years.  I’m a former pro beach volleyball player, and home schooling mother of two.  If you were to ask me what I’m most proud of in life, my answer would be hands down my family relationship.

When I think about our family I giggle inside sometimes. We are not the norm. I’d say we are pretty uncommon. With the rise of single moms, absentee dads, and divorces, we look a lot like the Huxtables. You know, the 80’s TV family who seemed to have it all together.  Mom and dad were happy, kids only got in trouble sometimes, but nothing too major. No matter what, before the end of the episode day, everything was worked out.

How do we do it? Well I polled my family and came up with 5 things we thought that help make our family relationship rock.

1.  Shut It Down: To be honest with you, this one is the one I struggle with the most. Being a virtual health & fitness coach I’m online a lot. Facebook, Twitter, answering emails, I try to get a lot done during our school breaks. When I’m with my kids I try hard to turn off the computer, and put away the phone to give them the attention they crave and deserve. I try to remember to have eye contact with them so that they see they are more important than my Macbook, iPhone, and iPad.

2. Lighten Up: Both of my kids love this about our family. We make sure we take the time to have fun. Whether it’s a movie night, or game night, we make sure we add family fun to our calendar. Even when we are driving around town we all tell jokes, play silly games, and take turns singing solos to our favorite songs.  Kids want to have fun (so do adults) don’t be a sour puss. Get down and dirty on their level, have fun and lighten up.  Your kids will LOVE it!

3. Listen Up:  It’s important to have quality time within the quantity time that you spend with your kids.  Be intentional about asking them questions.  Spending time at the dinner table as a family, and tucking your kids in at night are great times to listen to their hearts. Letting them know you are interested in them deepens your relationship.

4. Remember Nobody’s Perfect: Never try to pretend you have it all together. Great relationships stem from transparency.  Reveal your shortcomings, admit when you are wrong, and tell them you are sorry often. This builds trust, and shows you aren’t perfect, which allows your kids to be “real”, authentic, healthy imperfect people too.

5.  Help Each Other: Ask your kids for their help. They’ll feel needed, and a true part of the family.  This empowers them. Helps them grow. And, in turn you’ll realize how valuable they are as a part of the family unit.

Practice these things and your relationships will rock.  And you and your family will quickly become known as the happiest family on the block!

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“You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids’ lives. I want you to love them and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can’t. Like how to throw a right hook, for example.”  In the 2005 hit movie Monster-in-Law, Viola, a meddling future mother-in-law reluctantly receives these words from her soon to be daughter-in-law, Charlie.

After months of sabotaging the relationship between her son and his fiancée, Viola finally “wins” and Charlie agrees to call off the wedding. In the one touching scene of the movie, Viola comes to her senses and asks Charlie not to call off the wedding and destroy her son’s happiness.

If only every in-law would come to their senses in this regard.  But if you’re one of the many with a strained in-law relationship, you likely know it usually doesn’t happen like it does in Hollywood.  According to the University of Cambridge, 55 percent of daughters-in-law describe their relationships with their mothers-in-law as “strained” and “infuriating.” In the same study, mothers-in-law describe being in the company of their daughters-in-law as “tense” and “uneasy.”

Years ago, I came across a Southern Bride article where relationship expert, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, was presented with this question, “What do you do if you don’t get along with your mother-in-law to-be, and what is the best way to tell your significant other?”  Her answer forewent the niceties: “You do not tell your spouse that you don’t like the woman who gave birth to [him] and raised [him] to be the person you’ve chosen to marry.”

She continued, “The Commandment of honoring ‘Thy Father and Mother’ includes in-laws. They are not your equals and are to be given the respect they’ve earned. So, don’t argue with them. If you don’t agree with something they’ve said just let it go into the wind. Do not torture your spouse with your anger or hurt with their parent. It hurts them and the marriage.”

No matter how crazy your in-laws may seem, they are your spouse’s parents. Don’t force your husband to choose between you and the parents he loves. I know this might be difficult, especially if your in-laws are not the loving and accepting type, but this is necessary for your own sanity, growth and happiness (as well as your husband’s).

Think of it this way.  When you allow your in-laws to upset, frustrate or irritate you, in essence, you are turning your power over to them.  In that moment, you have given them the ability to adversely impact your day and your overall happiness.  Your decision to choose happiness at the beginning of every morning has now been overturned by the very people who oftentimes drive you bananas.

To increase your happiness in this relationship, it takes but two things: self-control and optimism.  Self-control is what allows you to gain the upper hand in the relationship by not allowing them to impact your joy or hurt your relationship with your husband.  The optimism helps you see the better person they still have time to become.  You and I have changed for the better over the years and so can they.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I love people.  Those from all walks of life bring happiness to my own.  But every now and again, I come across someone who makes it a little more difficult to love (or like for that matter).  But I do it anyway.  It’s not always easy.  As a matter of fact, sometimes is downright uncomfortable, but I know how much disliking a person can adversely impact my own life so I do my best to take the high road.

My mother used to say, “If you don’t want a person to get your goat, don’t tell them where it’s tied up.”  It’s a great quote, but for those like me who have no poker face whatsoever, it can prove to be more than a notion.  But here is something I have found that works.  

TOP 5 REASONS TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE

1. It’s good for your health.  Getting upset or frustrated with a person -even if you hold it inside- impacts you more than it will ever affect them.  It is estimated that 98% of diseases come from or are exacerbated by stress.  Ninety-eight percent.  When you get frustrated with the customer service representative on the telephone who doesn’t seem interested in giving any…ahem…service, how long does it take you to cool after that exchange is over?  And how long do you think it took them to move on the moment the call ended?  The stress of getting worked up over a person simply isn’t worth it.  

2. You never know what’s going on in their life.  When my father was passing away, there were moments when I was all smiles and there were times when I was incredibly somber.  Those days were a bit of a roller coaster.  If you’d met me during one moment, you might have loved me.  If you’d crossed my path during another, you may have thought terrible things about me.  That person who cut you off on the freeway, you have no idea what might be going on in their life at that moment.  Yes, it’s frustrating and yes some people are simply inconsiderate, but some are just going through a tough time and it’s impossible for you to know which is which so it’s best to presume innocence.

3. God would have it no other way.  The golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is the crux of every major religion.  It may be worded differently than it is in my Christian faith, but it means the same.  Are you kind all the time?  Are you loving all the time?  Are you respectful and considerate all the time?  If you are like me and the answer is no, then the same grace God extends to us is the same grace we should extend to others.  After all, it would be quite tragic if God treated us with as little patience and grace as we sometimes treat others.

4. You needed someone to love you when you were unlovable.  I know we’d all like to believe we’re the kindest, most loving, friendliest person we know.  But just because we believe it doesn’t make it so.  I know there are times when I act entitled, impatient, disrespectful and overall unkind.  Thank God it’s not as often as it once was but I’m a constant work in progress.  We are all constant works in progress.  Think about that person or persons who were loving toward you when you know you were not a lovable person.  Now, duplicate that for all the difficult people you encounter along this road of life.

5. Being kind increases your own happiness.  This reason may sound selfish but it’s still one of my favorites.  When you get frustrated or are unkind to someone, what happens to you?  Neck gets tighter?  Shoulders tense up?  Jaw clinches a little tighter?  Do your inhales and exhales get a little shorter?  Any of this sounding familiar?  When you are kind to someone, regardless of how they treat you, your mood remains light and your day continues to be great.  You are in full control of your emotions and consequently, you are able to continue to choose happiness.  Because happiness is, after all, a powerful choice.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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What’s your neighbor’s name?  No, not that one, the one on the other side.  What about the one across the street, just a couple doors down?  How well do you know them?  How well do you desire to know them?  Believe it or not, these somewhat obscure creatures -otherwise known as neighbors- can add alot to your life.

When Keith and I first purchased our home, the neighbors came over and greeted us within a day.  The kids living in the home to our right baked us warm chocolate chip cookies and created a “Welcome to the Neighborhood” sign.  The neighbor to the left of our home actually went in our backyard to fix a pipe he noticed had burst due to an unusually cold winter we were experiencing in Southern California.  We’re city people and would have been clueless about what to do with a busted pipe in our barn spewing water.  Their kindness put a smile on my face that, to this day, has never disappeared.  

When you’re walking around the block, taking the trash out, playing with the kids in the yard, a smile not only brightens up your neighbor’s day (even if they don’t reciprocate  immediately), it will enhance your own.  Happiness, like laughter (and negativity or grumpiness), is contagious.  When you smile and genuinely greet your local grocery store clerk, it’s unlikely they’re going to serve you poorly.  It happens every now and again but it’s not the norm.  Same is the case at your local bank, restaurants, church or community center.

Your life is like a large mirror.  People will generally give back to you what they perceive you are giving to them.  Perception is not reality, except in the eyes and thoughts of the beholder.  But to them, it’s real.  I’m not suggesting you employ a “fake it til’ you make it” behavior modification but rather that you dig deep inside and find that person who loves people, the childlike version of you who wants to be kind to everyone.  You’ll be surprised at how those in your community -church, neighbors, city, etc- will respond to you once you begin giving the type of love and respect you’d like to gain in return.  You’ll quickly become known around town and for all the right reasons.

Boosting the happiness of those around you is beneficial, not only for you, but your entire family.  Giving people in your immediate sphere of influence a reason to smile or laugh will brighten up your day, your children’s day and your husband’s day.  But the way to do this may be one of the toughest things to achive.  It’ll require that you…slow down.

In our current lives -bombarded by emails, cell phone calls, text messages, social media, nonstop commercials, smart phones that double as 6,000-mile leashes- it’s difficult to slow down.  We’re moving at a pace that would likely scare our ancestors to death (if they weren’t…ahem…already dead).  

Slowing down is easier said than done.  I know this first hand and it’s still one of my greatest challenges.  But I also know, when I slow down, I’m friendlier, more patient, a greater administer of grace and am simply a kinder, gentler person.  And this is prerequisite for being a reflector of light to all those around us.  

Just as a city on a hill cannot be hidden, neither can the happiness inside of you when you slow down and take the time to simply smile and say, “hello.”  You’ll make those around you happier, and in doing so, you will see your happiness meter rise at least a few notches.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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“No one can take away your pain so don’t let anyone take away your happiness.”  This unknown quote was the first thing I thought of when considering this topic on building relationships with coworkers.  Yesterday, we wrapped up the first week of this 21-day series and are now shifting from focusing on the relationships with ourselves to boosting our happiness by improving the relationships around us.  

Over the years, I can recall many challenging coworkers and have employed a number of individuals with incredibly complex personalities.  Building better relationships with our coworkers can be tough.  But those relationship are needed because if you work full-time, you’re likely spending more waking hours with your coworkers than with your own family.

As a new GM of a hotel, I remember having some difficult times in the beginning.  I wanted to be able to say, “My way or the high way,” but unfortunately (or rather, fortunately), that only works in the movies.  The frustration I was experiencing with various personalities would come home from work with me and become a large topic around the dinner table each night.

One day, I decided to change my outlook.  Rather than inserting my will, I’d pull back and get to know each member of the staff and how I could better serve them.  I began  asking about their families and got to know what was most important to each one of them.  If someone came in my office, rather than telling them how busy I was, I paused.  I posted a note over my desk that said “POP: People Over Paperwork.”  This note was my daily reminder that in order to be an effective boss and to enjoy my time at work each day, I needed to create better relationships with each of my colleagues.

Those in the workplace can truly be a happiness suck if you allow them.  They can drain you of your optimism and love for life.  You’ll likely find (if you haven’t already found) yourself spending much too much time talking about the people who should have the least amount of influence over the happiness in your life.  

We need those around us.  Our family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, community, church family, etcetera.  None of us live on an island and whether we want to admit it or not, all of these people matter.  Making a decision to build great relationships with your coworkers is imperative to your overall happiness.  And more importantly, it’ll help reduce your stress triggers at work which will also improve your health.  

Look for the good in each of your coworkers.  Discover what things you have in common.  It could be something as ostensibly simple as a coffee latte or frozen yogurt. You will be surprised at how much you have in common with every person around you.  Maybe it’s your faith, your love of family, the hobby you’re passionate about.  Whatever it is, take the time to find a commonality and invest in those relationship.

If your experience is anything like mine, you’ll find your happiness throughout your workday improving immediately.  Don’t settle for only being happy at home.  Set yourself up daily to enjoy every moment of every day.  Even at work.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I’ve been waiting all week to write on this particular topic.  I can’t think of a better way to wrap up our first week on this series than with encouraging you to develop your greatest passions.  As I mentioned when we began this 21-day series, there are only 3 things that create (or diminish) happiness in our lives.  The first is the relationship we have with ourselves.  This past week has been dedicated solely to various aspects of this very personal relationship.

As I spent the summer traveling the world, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, I discovered 12 common denominators between each of the couples.  One of which was the need for every person in a happy relationship to have a passion or hobby of their own.  There was something about developing a love and passion for a craft they could improve upon each day that increased the richness of their lives.

For one wife in South Africa, walking along the beach or going for a hike each morning ensured she began the day as happy as she could possibly be and it continued throughout her day.  Maintaining a healthy lifestyle was one of her passions.  She and her husband had a huge hobby they were working on which was building a kit plane they shipped in from Chicago.  

A wife in Australia enjoyed pottery and even took classes at the local art college to better hone her skill.  One wife I interviewed in San Diego enjoyed writing and she and her husband loved travelling so she combined those two passions and became a travel writer.  Something that started as a simple passion later turned into a successful career for her.  Photography, sewing, knitting, writing, painting, running marathons, coordinating charity events, it didn’t matter what the hobby was, only that they developed and nurtured their passion for it.

What is it you love to do most?  If it’s not what you do for a living, chances are you don’t focus on it much.  You allow other things to consume your day and look at that hobby as something that just takes time away from what is most important.  If the interviews I’ve had with countless couples around the world is any indication, enjoying a hobby is a critical component to overall happiness. 

If you don’t have a hobby and can’t think of one you might enjoy, think back to your time as a child.  What did you love doing most?  What came most naturally to you?  Whatever it was, is likely what it still is and that passion should be developed.  For me, what came most natural to me when I was growing up was writing.  Developing that passion over the past couple years has yielded greater dividends than I could have every anticipated.  Because of this, I can say with all certainty, this aspect of life can be one of your greatest rewards, if you’ll simply carve out the time to pursue it.  You won’t regret you did.

Tomorrow, our series shifts away from focusing on our relationship with ourselves and on to zeroing in on improving our relationship with those around us.  From our coworkers to our spouse and children to our enemies.  Everyone has a place in our lives and each plays an active role on our overall happiness.  This week will be focused on how you maintain control of your own happiness in each of those relationships.

Until tomorrow…make it a great week!

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We are too hard on ourselves.  Women in general are too critical of our flaws, weaknesses, failures and shortcomings.  What is most important to remember is you’re never going to be who you most desire to be.  That may seem like I’m deflating your hopes and dreams but I hope you know that is not my intention in the least.  

My greatest desire during this 21 Days to a Happier You series is to help you take your happiness up at least a few notches.  Sometimes that requires a bit of a reality check.  Perfection is not something to be pursued.  It is a fleeting notion always accompanied by disappointment.  We as human beings were never meant to be perfect.  But we were, however, made to love, to be loved, to enjoy this life and create happiness within our lives and those around us.

If you accept perfection is not possible, it becomes a bit easier to give yourself a break for every mistake you make.  It becomes more acceptable to give yourself a pat on the back for everything you do right and to celebrate little victories every day.  Be proud of the person you are today, at this very minute, in this brief moment in time.  

If you are like me, you are not yet who you most desire to be, and there is much work that remains to be done.  But you are so much better than you once were and over time you will continue to grow and be molded into the person you were created to be. It is an ever-evolving proposition that will continue throughout your lifetime.  But right now, this very second, you are who you are and that is a beautiful person.  Appreciate that.  Be comfortable with who you are and confident in where you are going.

Removing perfection, or the pursuit there of, from the equation of your life frees you up to pursue what is truly important.  What is of the most significance in your life, your husband’s, your family, friends and those around you, can only be attained once you give up the need to be perfect.  Accepting that everyone around you is just as flawed as you are -maybe even more- should put a smile on your face and allow a softness in your heart.

On the flip side of this, accepting other’s differences and shortcomings, and not being critical or judgmental of them, will naturally allow you to experience more grace in your own life.  It is a reciprocal blessing received the moment you begin to accept people just as they are, flaws and all.

Before I close our this blog post for today, I’d like to invite you to take a brief moment to give a gift to yourself.  Simply pause and inhale deeply.  Take a deep inhale and hold it for a few seconds before letting our an equally relaxing exhale.  Repeat this as many times as you need until you can let go of everything around you causing any form of stress and simply whisper to yourself, “I am exactly who I am meant to be at this very moment and minute by minute, I will only get better.”  Now, spend the remainder of this day bringing that quote to life.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life

For me

And I’m feelin’ good

These lyrics from the 1965 Nina Simone song, Feeling Good, is exactly how I hope you felt waking up this morning.  Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.  Every morning a reason to be grateful for what you accomplished yesterday.  Taking time to appreciate the little victories.

There are often times when I feel as though I haven’t achieved as much as I’d like, when I’ve fallen short of a goal I’ve set, when I’m disappointed in how much I’ve grown in a specific area (or rather, not grown) and I have to remind myself of two things.  The first, is I may not yet be where I one day hope to be but I’m also miles away from where I began.  And the second is every day, is the first day, of the rest of my life.

Growth is a daily process.  Grace is a daily necessity.  We are all taught to be patient with others but are rarely taught to be patient with ourselves.  It is that patience, that grace, which allows us to grow to be the person we were created to be.  Reminding yourself daily of how far you’ve come, how many obstacles you’ve overcome, and how much potential you have will allow you to be grateful for all you’ve accomplished in your life thus far.  

“In our daily lives,” Albert Clarke once said, “we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.”  So often when we think about gratitude, and all the things we have to be grateful for, we look externally.  The sun, the moon, a roof over my head, food to eat, friends, family, etcetera.  But we forget to be thankful for something even closer to our hearts (quite literally).

For this moment, I want you to think about you.  I know that’s faux paux to suggest you think about yourself but it’s important in this process.  Don’t think about your flaws, your shortcomings or the things you have yet to achieve or receive in this life.  But rather focus on everything that’s great about you.  What are your greatest strengths, your best qualities?  If you can’t answer that question for yourself, ask someone who loves you. 

Take your list of qualities and ponder them throughout the day and be grateful for the person you now are and the person you are destined to become.  Be grateful for the progress you’ve made over the past week (possibly as a result of beginning this series with us four days ago) and make today the day you do nothing more than offer grace to yourself for your shortcomings of the past and offer gratitude for your bright future just around the bend.  Because the road to happiness, no matter which way we turn, will always go straight through gratitude.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Have you been enjoying our 21 Days to a Happier You series?  Hopefully, you already gained something in the first 3 days as we chatted about nutrition and exercise.  There are only three things that impact your happiness: Relationship with self, relationship with others and relationship with God.  Each week, we’re spending 7 days focused on one of these reslatonship pivotal to your overall happiness and success in life.

We began with nutrition because in order to elevate your happiness and achieve your life’s dreams, your mind must be in tip top shape.  Poor nutrition prevents this from happening and can slow you down in your advancement toward greatness.  Exercise goes hand-in-hand with good nutrition to boost your mind and body’s ability to work at their highest level.

What is important to remember in all this talk about diet and nutrition is getting in shape or losing weight aren’t the most important reasons to make the decision to improve upon these things today.  It’s not just about the person looking back at you in the mirror -although that’s important as it can adversely impact your happiness- but about getting everything in alignment so you look and feel great inside and out.

There are few things more frustrating than setting a goal and coming up short.  Most women pledge at the beginning of every year to lose weight, get in better shape and become more active.  And around this time annually, women realize they’ve failed at that goal…once again. Discouragement sets in followed by disappointment.  I want to encourage you to do one thing today to avoid such a let down.

Set a goal daily and celebrate each small victory.  If you previously set a goal earlier this year and are yet to achieve it, begin again today.  And begin small.  We underestimate how powerful it is to achieve a goal that has been set; no matter how small.  Remember the saying, “By the inch it’s a cinch, by the mile it’s a trial?”  Set small goals and then celebrate your achievements.

Have you ever seen the smile on a child’s face when they’ve achieved something great?  It’s priceless.  Invite that childlike wonder into your own life.  In the US, today is Thanksgiving and we generally fill our plates to the brim with high calorie foods.  If this is what you usually do, don’t change that.  Enjoy this wonderful day with your family.  But maybe begin your day with something light and healthy knowing you’ll indulge later.  Grab a few family members and go on a brisk post-feast walk together.  These are both small goals that can become important victories be the end of the day.

Each day, make a decision to set one small goal you want to achieve and then knock it out of the park.  Write down the goal on a post it note and once you’ve achieved it, draw a happy face next to it and paste it in a journal or on a board to keep track.  Soon you’ll have dozens or hundreds of small goals achieved.  That’s huge.

Be grateful for the little victories.  Celebrate your success daily.  There’s nothing quite like laying your head down on the pillow at night and knowing you completed a goal that day.  So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, be thankful for all you’ve achieved this year, show yourself grace for those areas in which you’ve fallen short, and be grateful for the days ahead because the best is yet to come.

Until tomorrow…make it a great Thanksgiving!

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“Exercise gives you endorphins.  Endorphins make you happy.  Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.  They just don’t.”  These were the ditzy (yet wise) words of Reese Witherspoon’s character in Legally Blonde when explaining why she believed a client her law firm was representing was innocent.  

I use this quote often when explaining endorphins, much to Keith’s amusement.  Without fail, he always adds to what would have otherwise been a persuasive argument on why exercise is important, “She learned that from Legally Blonde.”  Thanks, babe.

Endorphins truly are powerful allies to our bodies; they’re natural pain and stress fighters.  Chemically, they are much like morphine or codeine, however, in this case addiction is a good thing.  The release of endorphins can change our mood instantly…and always for the better.  

In addition to a change in mood, some scientists believe endorphins make our immune system stronger, lower blood pressure and slow down our body’s aging process.  Maybe this explains why all the couples I’ve interviewed around the world, happily married 25-plus years, look as though they’ve been drinking from a fountain of youth for at least a decade.

Belly laughter for 10 minutes, a healthy sex life, spending time in the sun, and eating chocolate or spicy foods (e.g. chili peppers) are all triggers of endorphins.  But the most potent trigger is exercise.  Many years ago, I remember being incredibly stressed as an event productions manager.  I was working 12-hour days, 6 days a week and found myself a bit snippy with people (which, by the way, is an understatement) and my back was in an enormous amount of pain.  

I mentioned this to my colleague hoping to gain sympathy and instead was offered something different.  ”When was the last time you exercised?” she asked.  At first, I was offended she seemed to be minimizing my expressed challenges.  And then I began looking into how exercise works with our bodies and why it’s so important.

Today, we’re on Day 3 of our 21 Days to a Happier You series and it’s the second-to-last article dedicated to health and fitness.  I began the series with this important component because so much of our happiness is controlled not only by how we look but how we feel.  Poor eating and exercise habits can wreak havoc on our happiness.  If you can’t sleep at night, aren’t productive during the day, your patience is nil or all of the above, it may be time to look not only at what’s going on externally but what is happening internally.

As we discussed yesterday, any proven diet works.  No really.  It’s consistency -or rather the lack thereof- that causes diets to fail.  The same is the case with exercise.  You don’t need to spend money on a gym membership or a personal trainer.  The most effective exercises are jumping jacks and push-ups and both can be done for free.  You can go on YouTube and find thousands of great fitness videos at no cost.  

Exercising isn’t about fitting into a size 2 dress.  It’s not about being skinny.  Our bodies were created to be active and our sedentary lives -which oftentimes involve sitting at a computer several hours a day- are compromising our bodies and our overall happiness.  Get those endorphins flowing daily and see if you don’t feel an immediate uptick in your mood.  How you’ll look in the mirror will just be an added bonus.

If the way you look or feel physically is holding you back from creating the life you most desire to live, join me tomorrow as we wrap up the health and fitness portion of this 21-day series. I promise, you’ll be glad you did. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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There is a saying I love: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”  The first time I heard that, I had to pause a moment and repeat it to myself to capture the profundity of the statement.  Every mistake in my past…gone.  My future…bright as I desire it to be.

We’re on Day 2 of the 21 Days to a Happier You and as I mentioned when kicking off this series, there are only 3 things that truly impact the ability to create happiness in your life.  The first is the relationship with yourself.  How you perceive your worth in this world.  How proud you are of yourself in this moment and how great you believe you will become.  For this reason, I began this series with something you may not have been expecting: Food.

In 1826, Anthelme Brillat-Savarin wrote, in Physiologie du Gout, ou Meditations de Gastronomie Transcendante, 1826: “Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es.”  Which translates to, “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.”  This is where we later got the more popular American phrase, “You are what you eat.”  Getting our nutrition right is important for a number of reasons, one of which is the stress we place on our body when we aren’t feeding it the nutrition it requires, which in turn creates additional stress that impacts how we look, feel and sleep.

It is estimated the U.S. weight loss market has reached $80 billion.  We may not know how to lose weight in the US but we certainly have figured out how to spend money attempting to do so.  A little more than 15 years ago, I lost weight using a book called Weigh Down. 

I don’t even know if that book is sold much now but the premise was you could eat what you wanted but only when you were hungry and to stop when you were 80-percent full.  I still subscribe to this all these years later and it works for me because I enjoy carbs, sweets and all the other things current diets tell us to cut out.

You can go on a cookie diet, a high-protein diet, a high fiber diet, any kind of diet will work.  What doesn’t work is inconsistency.  Failure on any diet is almost always due to user error.  It doesn’t matter what diet you choose, if getting weight off has been a challenge for you, and it’s keeping you from enjoying the life you were meant to live, remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life and you can begin anew.  

Don’t relish in your failures of the past, if you don’t have the energy you need to efficiently work toward your goals each day, change your diet.  If you are having a hard time sleeping at night, change your diet.  To effectively improve every aspect of your life, this is more important than you may think.  

You don’t have to be skinny to be happy.  You don’t have to lose 20 pounds or get to your ideal weight to be happy.  But you do have to know you’re on your way and you do have to signal to your body you’re making a permanent change for the better and command it to begin operating optimally.

Yesterday, I promised you a few tips to help jumpstart your weight loss that are right at your fingertips and will not cost you a penny.  Here are the first 5 things I did to jumpstart my diet more than 15 years ago (weight I’ve never gained back to this day):

1) Add more water to your diet.  You have likely heard you should drink 8 glasses a day.  That is a one size fits all and may not help with weight loss.  The amount you really should be drinking is your body weight divided in half in ounces.  So if you weigh 150lbs, you should be drinking 75oz of water which is a little less than 9 cups a day.  I weigh 120lbs, so I drink no less than 60oz a day.

2) Stop eating within 3 hours of bedtime.  This will help you sleep well at night as your body will be able to rest rather than keeping busy digesting and you will store less fat (you can Google the reasons why this is as it’s pretty well documented).

3) Sleep no less than 7 hours a day (8 hours is ideal).  Your body, especially your mind, functions more optimally with sleep.  You are able to make better decisions, be more patient with people around you and most importantly, be patient with yourself.  You are also less likely to overeat.

4) Add 1-2 apples a day.  It not only keeps the doctor away because of the high vitamin content but the fiber and water in the apple keeps your digestive system flowing better.  Fiber is imperative so if you’re not getting at least 20 grams a day, adding that will also help tremendously.

5) Wait until you’re hungry to eat.  And make sure you’re hungry and not thirsty.  Alot of times we mistake our body’s request for water to be hunger.  When you’re hungry, drink 8-oz of water.  If 10 minutes later you’re still hungry, then it’s time to eat.  And even more important than eating only when you’re hungry is to stop eating when you’re 80% full. The reason for this is it takes 20 minutes for your stomach to signal to your brain that you’re full.  By the time it does that, you’ve already overeaten and your body is storing the excess food as fat. 

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about becoming more active and how you can squeeze an effective workout into any schedule (even if you have 5 children you’re home schooling).  Don’t wait until January 1st to make a New Year’s Resolution.  Add these 5 simple things and you’ll see and feel a difference immediately.  

You may only lose 1lb a week with these changes but if you are patient, that amounts to 52lbs by this time next year and the entire time you’re working toward your ultimate goal, you’re giving your body the added gift of supplying what it needs so it can help you achieve your greatest hopes and dreams.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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