I wrote the title of this post and then felt the need to quickly clarify as I knew that statement would likely elicit some protests.  But I had to write it because I’ve met so many women over the years who absolutely love God but are as definitively unhappy.  

I am a firm believer in the benefits of happiness and the power of choice.  For this reason, I couldn’t write the final week of this series -sharing the components of the happiness triangle and why a relationship with God is imperative- and not address this crucially important topic.  I use the phrase crucially important because happiness is within everyone’s reach and too many choose not to grab hold of it.

Since beginning this site nearly three years ago, I’ve had thousands upon thousands of women tell me all one needs to be happy is God.  And nearly as many have told me happiness isn’t important because all a person needs is joy.  I have now been studying happiness -what causes it and what depletes it- long enough that I feel confident in disagreeing with both of these opinions.

The debate over happiness or joy we’ll chat about tomorrow.  But for today, I want to share with you why I began this post by stating it takes more than God to be be happy.  For one thing, God did not set it up that way.  We all have choices.  We’ve all been given free will.  What we sew is what we will reap.  Our choices are not predetermined and a person’s happiness is not predestined.

One of the most fascinating statistics found in the U.S. Census report released last year was their reporting on marriage and divorce.  The majority of states with the highest instances of divorce are in the Bible Belt, an area known for their deep religious roots, social conservatism and their church attendance per capita.  

The most recent census mirrored that of the last census results released in 1999.  And although last year’s results surprised many people, it didn’t surprise me in the least.  Just as it takes more than God to be happy, it takes more than God to have a happy marriage.  It requires the right mindset; the right God-given mindset.  

Happiness is a choice.  Genuine happiness requires making a daily choice to love God, life and everything in between.  God makes your burden lighter.  He makes your challenges bearable and the tests of life understandable.  Seeing the world through a prism of faith never ceases to make life worth living.  

Gratitude naturally begets happiness.  When you wake up in the morning, grateful for the day before and thanking God in advance for what will occur in the hours ahead, you are setting your day up for success.  You are telling the world your day will be great.  This doesn’t mean everything will be perfect and all will fall in line just as you’d like, but it does mean you’ve chosen to believe all things are working together for your good and before the day ends you will have plenty more reasons to give thanks.

Happiness compliments joy.  Many believe joy negates happiness or deems it unnecessary.  They argue joy is permanent and happiness is temporary.  We’ll chat tomorrow about why this isn’t true.  But for now, I’ll leave you with this.  Happiness is only temporary if you choose it temporarily.  And it is dependent on external circumstances only if you’ve chosen to allow that dependence.  

Happiness is a choice.  Your choice.  So what will you choose?  

Until tomorrow…make it great day!

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Several months ago, while I was traveling around the world, interviewing couples happily married 25-years or more in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I discovered something fascinating.  Something I wasn’t quite expecting.  I determined there were 12 common denominators between all of the couples.  Twelve glaring similarities I simply could not ignore.

From Canada to South Africa to Mauritius, London, Rome, Croatia, the Philippines, New Zealand and Australia, interviewing each of the couples was like speaking with a variation of the same.  Their cultures were diverse, how and where they grew up in the world was different, even their faiths were dissimilar, and yet they were so alike.

When deciding who I would interview in each country, I had only one requirement of the people setting up the interviews.  I asked my friends who’d grown up in other countries, or lived in the countries I’d be visiting, to point me to the one couple they think of when I mention what some believe to be an oxymoron, “happily married.”  

I was in search of that one couple who have been so consistent in their love and affection toward one another that their families, friends and communities all took notice.  I only wanted to interview couples in each of the 12 countries I’d be visiting who over the years have proven their love to be real.  And each of the couples I interviewed fit this mold.

What I didn’t use to determine who would be chosen for interviews was race, socio-economic class, upbringing, culture or even their faith.  But one of the things I found most interesting after interviewing them all is they each had a belief in God.  All of them prayed for answers when they could not find them on their own.  

One couple I interviewed in New Zealand, Mark and Barbara, fell in love with each other after Mark had been given a life threatening cancer diagnoses.  The doctors said they had given all the treatments his teenage body could take and informed his family he had no more than two years to live.  Now, happily married for more than 28 years, they contribute their life together to a unwavering faith and trust in God.

Story after story, each couple proclaimed their love for one another and their love for God.  They shared with me how difficult communication would be if they didn’t have a faith in Someone much greater than them.  Someone who could serve as a liaison between the two; helping each other understand one another better.

So when thinking about boosting the happiness in one’s marriage, I have to wonder if it is even possible to be blissfully happy in your marriage for 10, 20, 30, 40 even 50 years and not have a relationship with God.  I’m not sure.  I can’t answer that question because I’ve traveled the world interviewing happily married couples and am yet to meet one who fits that bill.  

Then again, maybe that in and of itself answers the question and reminds us why a relationship with God is one of the three components of the happiness triangle.  On the other hand, I’ve met many couples and singles who love God and are absolutely miserable.  But there is a reason.  And for that, you’ll have to join me tomorrow as I take on the misconception that all you need is God to be happy.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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How in the world did we get to Day 17 of our 21 Days to a Happier You series so quickly?  In this final week, we’ve shifted our focus away from deepening the relationship we have with ourselves and those around us, and toward the third relationship needed to complete our happiness triangle.  The relationship that gives us an ability to develop genuine and lifelong happiness in our lives (no matter what may be going on around us).  A connection with the One who is greater than all of us combined.

One of the greatest benefits of believing in God and nurturing that most important relationship, is you have a dependable friend to share your trials with.  And not just any friend, but One who is able to take the challenge and give you the wisdom to overcome it.  When we make the mistake in believing solely in our own abilities, we rest the weight of the world squarely on our own shoulders.  But we were never meant to carry such a heavy load.

A belief in Someone much greater than all of us gives us the ability to create a still point in a turning world.  It allows you to look at everything around you, be grateful for all that has happened (the good for obvious reasons and the bad because it’s taught you so many lessons and made you the person you are today), and trust that your future is bright.  To know with certainty in your heart that the water in front of you is not a mirage.  

If your future rested solely in your own hands, there would be little to be happy about.  The stress of the world would take refuge in your mind.  If my life was based solely on my own brilliance and ability to make things happen, writing daily articles on happiness would be impossible.  I simply would not have the words (or genuine expression). 

The good news for me and for you is there is a God looking over the earth and orchestrating our lives.  There is a God willing to take all of our challenges and burdens onto His shoulder so we can be relieved of having them on ours.  

Knowing this, allows us to look at all struggles as temporary and to maintain our happiness and joy throughout the good times and the tough ones.  

So is faith in God imperative to lasting happiness?  I’ll let you make that determination.  In my own life, that answer is absolutely.  Happiness is a choice and with the grace of God, you have the ability and option to choose it every day of your life.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I have only once met a happy atheist.  That is not to say more don’t exist.  I’m simply observing that I’ve only personally met one.  I oftentimes wonder if the reason for that is how difficult the challenges in life must seem if there is no one greater than us out there.  

If our only salvation is mankind, and we know human beings to be so flawed, is it possible that optimism is nearly unattainable for those without a faith in Someone bigger, greater, omniscient, omnipresent who we know keeps our best interest at heart?  

Viewing the world through a prism of faith in people and a belief in God allows us to see the best of all things, without being naive or so optimistic that pragmatism falls on deaf ears.  Seeing the glass as half full is something that proves to be challenging without a faith in people and a belief that Someone -much greater than us- is in complete control of the universe.

I recently read an article from a series in Psychology Today called The Mystery of Happiness.  In it Dr. T. Byram Karasu states, “The prism of faith catches the light and disperses it on every aspect of your life, whether it is health, work satisfaction, marital contentment, or death. Pessimism is spiritual starvation. Seeing the world through the no-faith prism is simply a misunderstanding of life.” 

Pessimism can be a life suck.  It more often than not will reveal itself as a thief of happiness.  It takes away what is rightfully yours and replaces it with a distortion of reality and facts.  

Regularly assuming the worst from people and in life is one of the shortest journeys to unhappiness.  Driving on that rocky road keeps us on guard; always on the defensive.  In sports, a strong defense is what wins the game.  In life, the exact opposite is true.

There was once a time when people believed pessimism and optimism were as a result of personality; traits inherited at birth.  But science has since proven these two distinctive outlooks are mindsets we adopt as situations arise rather than something passed down generationally.  They are learned responses.  

The good news, however, is we have always been and will always be in complete control of our outlook.  How we view life, and thus our ability to create happiness within it, lies in our beliefs.  And an ability to change your outlook from pessimistic to optimistic rests solely in your decision to do so.

Many argue there are uses for pessimism in the world.  I agree.  But when it comes to creating and building happiness in your life, viewing the world through a prism of faith rather than optics of pessimism will quickly prove to be the gift that just keeps on giving.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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It’s Day 15 of our 21 Days to a Happier You series and it is my sincere hope you’ve gained more over the past two weeks than you ever thought possible.  This week, we will tackle one of the weightiest topics I’ve ever attempted on this blog.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, when I kicked off this series, I shared with you my belief that there are only 3 things that impact our overall happiness for better or for worse:

Relationship with Self

Relationship with Others

Relationship with God

I knew from the moment I typed that third line, these next 7 days would be the most challenging in the series to write.  

One of the reasons I had that thought was because I know HWC is quite possibly one of the most diverse women’s community in the world.  

With members in more than 100 countries, hundreds of different cultures, socio-economic backgrounds, beliefs, faiths and values, stating a person’s relationship with God is pivotal to their overall happiness can potentially raise more questions than it deliver answers.  

But I also knew I had to be honest with you and share that I’ve met very few people who have found true happiness (and certainly a happy marriage) without a belief in Someone much greater than themselves. 

Maybe it’s because of how I was raised or perhaps my unwavering belief in God is partially a result of something I once heard my pastor, Rick Warren say, “I don’t personally have enough faith to be an atheist.” 

I didn’t begin this club two years ago with the hope of changing people’s religious views and I am not going to begin adjusting its purpose now.  I’ve spent close to two decades studying happiness -its causes and effects- but I do not, in any shape or form, consider myself an expert.  I am a perpetual learner (and applier of what I’ve learned).

My personal experiences, and those of the thousands of others I’ve spoken to on this subject over the years, has caused me to conclude the most challenging road to happiness is a faithless one.  

For this reason, I could not in good faith write a 21-day series on boosting your happiness and not spend one-third of that time on the benefits of building a stronger relationship with God.  

I recognize this will not ring true for everyone, and for those in which this does not settle well, I say to you, “Grace, my friend.”  I ask you, with the greatest humility, to forgive me in advance if this portion of the series causes you any form of disappointment.  And if you’re certain this doesn’t impact your happiness, feel free to ignore me (promise, I won’t be offended ).  

On this site, I write solely from experience -always have, always will- and recognize my vantage point is shaped by those experiences (as well as the many I’ve interviewed over the years) which may differ greatly from yours.  And I respect that.  I respect you.

I write this final week out of a desire for everyone in this club to not only be happy in your marriage but in your life.  I’m certainly stepping out of my comfort zone by writing it (if you can’t already tell) and recognize it most certainly will not be what you’re accustomed to reading here in my daily posts.  But I trust, if you return here for the next six days with an open heart, your ability to create and build happiness in every aspect of your life will be yours for the taking.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Today we wrap up the second week of this 21-day series and I can’t think of a better way to end it than focusing on the relationship with our spouse.  When we began this series, I mentioned there are only 3 things that impact our overall happiness for better or for worse.  

The first is the relationship with ourselves; how we view and treat ourselves.  The second is our relationship with others; how we view, interact and treat those around us.  This week, we’ve focused on building better relationships with our family, in-laws, community, those you find difficult to love, and our co-workers.  And today, we’re talking about building up a better relationship with your spouse.

Such a topic is difficult to do in one blog post, and in less than 500 words, so I will share with you the one thing I believe most couples -even those with great marriages- can benefit from doing more.  It’s something I learned from my husband when a married couple inquired with him about our communication styles.  They wanted to know why (and how) we seemed to communicate so well.  His response was an ‘aha’ moment, “I always presume innocence in all situations.”  

“Meaning, I presume that we both want to understand each other,” he continued, “and I know that we both love each other madly—not for just a season, but for our lifetimes. With that perspective I can approach whatever situation with as much gentleness as possible.  Which allows us to ease into conversations rather than crashing into arguments.”  

For so many, arguments don’t stem from a lack of communication, but rather they arise from an absence of patience and a failure to presume innocence.  Not one of us is such a great communicator that we will never be misunderstood.  Interpretation contributes just as much to understanding as listening does.  That is why presuming innocence and being patient in conversation with your spouse is so important.

Happiness in a relationship does not mean you are without arguments.  But fewer arguments and greater understanding can certainly lead to an increase in happiness in your marriage.  Benjamin Disraeli, the former British Prime Minister wrote in a letter to Queen Victoria’s fourth daughter on the announcement of her engagement, “”There is no greater risk than marriage.  But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.“  

One of the best ways to boost the happiness in your marriage is to decrease the misunderstandings.  And I believe, after having interviewed couples from around the world on the secrets to their happy marriage, one the best ways to decrease the misunderstandings is to slow down the conversation (apply patience) and presume innocence.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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