Author Archives: Fawn Weaver

About Fawn Weaver

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

Marriage Mondays: Awesome Activity You Can Do With Your Husband & Friends {& Link-Up}

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Keith and I had an absolute blast last night with some of our closest friends; all married couples. So much fun I wouldn’t even dream of keeping it to myself.

While traveling the world last summer, and interviewing couples happily married 25-years or more, I came across this very cool activity.

A couple in Perth, Australia got together with their closest married friends -nine couples in all- every other month to travel the world…without ever leaving home.

Allow me to explain.

This group of friends created passports for each person, including customized country passport stamps, and every other month they’d visit a new country by way of food and decor.

A different couple hosts the event each time, finding the perfect restaurant (or turning their home into one), and then the group all travels to the chosen location together.

The hosts are charged with knowing all about the country they’ve chosen and throughout the evening they share different things about the culture, food, people, etcetera. It’s a beautiful way to get to know the entire world (while spending time with your friends) at a fraction of the cost.

After I returned from my travels, Keith and I invited nine of our favorite couples to join us in creating our very own World on a Plate (WOAP).

The funny (yet oh-so-sad) thing is we were the first hosts and chose our favorite ethnic restaurant. The problem was -and we didn’t realize this until it was time to create the country passport stamp- we chose a restaurant that served Pan-Asian food.

Hmmmm…you mean there’s no country called Pan-Asia? How’d that happen?

We had a wonderful time but that definitely wasn’t the way we wanted to start off the American version of WOAP. This time around, my sister and her Dominican-born husband hosted us -eight couples in total- at a real country: the Dominican Republic. It was some of the most fun we have ever had with our wonderful group of friends.

When we arrived, they had the Dominican Republic flag waving outside and when we entered their home, we were all greeted by a colorful sign that read, “Kings WOAP Dominican Republic Night” and leis in the colors of the Dominican flag. Each of us put on our leis as we entered the home.

The decor was colorful and festive. Dominican music filled the air as drinks and a 4-course dinner that began with albondigas (meatballs) and hit a high note with sudado de pollo (sweaty chicken) and carne de res guisada (braised beef with rice and beans) filled our stomachs.

We ate and ate until our tummies could not possibly take in one more thing. Carlos, my sister’s husband, told stories of growing up in the Dominican Republic and gave us a look into his country (he doesn’t like desserts or candy because as a kid he’d climb up trees and hack off a piece of fruit if he wanted something sweet).

It was a fabulous night and a wonderful way to encourage happiness in marriage. When you get together with a group of married friends, and the only thing you focus on is all that’s beautiful in life, nights like this carry on with us long after the evening has come to an end.

Give World on a Plate a try with your own group of married friends. I promise it’ll be well worth the effort.

QUESTION: Do you and your married friends have any special activities you enjoy doing together?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

An InLinkz Link-up

Transform Your Sex Life in One Easy Step (yes, even you!)

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If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I rarely write about sex. Unlike our fabulous sex expert, Sheila Wray Gregoire, I generally stay away from this particular topic.

Sheila loves giving advice on topics like increasing your libido and the benefits of making love for women. So I’m more than happy to defer to her expertise.

And although I’m by no means an expert (I just happen to really enjoy making love to my husband), I am happy to share with you the one thing that personally helped transform my sex life.

Something so simple you may not even realize the profound impact it can have on your sex life.

I got in shape.

I know…sounds too simple. It may even sound like something more beneficial to my husband than it is for me. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

My hubby loves my body in all its shapes and sizes. He reminds me of a quote I recently read from Trisha Yearwood regarding her husband, Garth Brooks’, reaction to her major weight loss:

“He said, (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘It’s my favorite size on you. And the only size I like just as much is whatever size you just were.’”

That’s my husband. He’ll never mention to me that I’m picking up weight (not even the time I was so busy at work I had the chef bake me chocolate chip cookies throughout the day and every time I’d pass through the kitchen I’d grab a few) nor suggest I lose any.

But I’ll let you in on a personal secret. Whether he notices or not, when I’m out of shape, I am fully aware that some of the noises my body makes while having sex are most certainly not of the erotic kind. And they are distracting, if not to him, most certainly to me.

I never expected for one of the greatest benefits of me getting in shape to be added confidence in the bedroom. Maybe it’s the cerebral part of my brain but if my mind drifts while we’re making love (even for a second to think about my muffin top or jiggly backside), it’s hard to reel it back in.

As women, one of the most challenging things to do at the start of making love is to remain in the moment; not allowing our minds to wander to items left undone, our to-do lists, or what the kids might be doing. This particular challenge, I may not be able to help you with; that’s a matter of training your mind to fully enjoy the present. But I can at least help you with the part that involves your body.

The next time you’re making love, if a thought about your size or tone causes your mind to wander a bit, this one I can help you with. Try what worked for me to quickly amp up your sex life. And for great tips on toning any problem areas, try this super simple advice from a fellow happy wife, Olympian, and mother of two.

If getting toned isn’t an issue for you, but you’re looking for something to kick your sex life up a few notches, I highly recommend Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.

Years ago, I read Dr. Leman’s book in hopes of finding suggestions for a friend struggling in this area but instead found myself ripping Keith’s clothes off by the end of the book. Now, whenever a friend confides in me their struggles in the bedroom, within days they receive a gift in the mail from me…this book.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: The One Thing All Happy Wives Have in Common

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On Friday, I wrote about ten things your husband does that just don’t matter. A comment posted by Kim Hall later summed it up perfectly. She said:

“[You have to] put things in proper perspective. I think a great question to ask ourselves is this: If I lost my husband today, would I be grateful he was gone because now the toilet seat would always be down, paper rolling the right way, clothes no longer on the floor, etc.? That question really zooms those little things back into their proper perspective for me!”

What I loved about Kim’s comment is it cuts right to the heart of a particular matter. It reminds us of something Richard Carlson, PhD spent his brief lifetime telling us, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff.

So, how is your marital perspective?

The Happy Wives Club is a community of close to 150,000 women in more than 100 countries around the world, and my conversations with thousands -literally, thousands- of them, has taught me one simple truth. Those who are genuinely happy all have this in common: Perspective.

When Keith boarded a flight early Friday morning, there was little I cared about more than his safe return. No quirk, idiosyncrasy, flaw or fault of his could mean more to me than him coming home safely.

And when he is home, I feel the same way. No flaw, quirk or difference will ever override my love, respect and adoration for this man I am honored to call my husband.

There is a great quote by Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” I learned long ago that nothing good comes from complaining. Nothing productive whatsoever.

Good, however, always comes out of keeping everything in the proper perspective. It frees us to go after exactly what we desire most, to create our happily ever after through gratitude, and to not waste time on anything that will not matter in the end. It allows us to solve problems with our spouse rather than against them.

This, I am certain, my fellow happy wives and I have in common. And that is one of the many reasons I am so honored to be a member of this club.

QUESTION: How important do you think perspective is in the lives of those who are genuinely happy? (would love to hear from you in the comment section below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

An InLinkz Link-up

I’m an ‘Over’ Girl {10 Things Your Husband Does That Don’t Matter}

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There is a quote I love by J & G Murphy, “Make a list of ten of your spouse’s faults, which, for the sake of your marriage, you will always overlook. You can live with those ten.”

Can you think of your ten?

I thought about that quote while watching Oprah high-five someone during an interview proudly declaring, “I’m an ‘over’ girl! I’m an ‘over’ girl!”

She was talking to her guest and somehow (I don’t quite remember how) the conversation turned to toilet paper and how some people like to position the roll so the paper is grabbed from the top and some like to pull it from the bottom.

Growing up, my mother was quite particular about this and she was definitely an over girl. Let’s just say I was a tad rebellious in my youth (surprise, surprise), hence, I’ve always been an under girl. And I bet you can guess which way Keith prefers. Yep, he’s an over guy.

For years, he’d position the toilet paper on the holder so the paper would push from the top and when it was my turn to change it, I’d position it so it pulled from the bottom.

I wouldn’t even think about it. Years of living by myself and doing things my way taught me that the toilet paper should be pulled from under. His years of living alone assured him the exact opposite.

But here’s the point. It’s all a bunch of nonsense!

Who cares which way the toilet paper is positioned? For that matter, who cares if your spouse drinks directly from the carton of milk or leaves a box of cereal with such a small amount contained any “sensible” person would have thrown it away rather than returning it to the cupboard from which it came?

When building a relationship that will last a lifetime, one of the silliest things we can do is get caught up in the small things that will not matter in the end. So pick ten things, heck, pick twenty things your husband does that are different from the way you think they should be done, and just live with those.

Today, I’m an over girl. After more than three decades of insisting toilet paper made more sense to be pulled from the bottom than the top, I intentionally looked at it from my husband’s point of view and realized I may have been wrong. It actually makes quite a bit of sense to go from the top. Then again, it makes just as much sense to go from the bottom. But more important than both of those perspectives…it just doesn’t matter.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

The #1 Way You Can Help Your Husband After a Tough Day

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There is no denying our hubbies often have tough days at work. And these days, more so than ever before, their days are getting longer and more stressful.

But we can help.

Even for those of us who work outside of the home, and have our own work-related challenges, our days tend to be less stressful.

One reason is we know if we ever lost our job (or decided to make a career change), our husbands would move heaven and earth to make sure our families remained fed, clothed with roofs over our heads.

We are nurturers by nature. They are protectors. It is those varying traits that allow us to best support one another.

As a protector, one of the most wonderful things my husband does for me is keep the world at bay; he will only allow me to carry so much weight on my shoulders at one time.

As a nurturer, one of the most loving things I do for him is to make sure he feels at rest and peace in our home.

So what is the #1 way you can help your husband get over a difficult day on the job?

Shhhhh…

No, I’m not insinuating the answer to that question is a secret. That is the answer.

As women, most of us tend to be far more talkative than our male counterparts. It’s our nature. But oftentimes, the most loving thing we can do when our husbands have a difficult day is say nothing and just offer our arms as a place of refuge.

I must admit, I’m still working on consistency in this area. A couple months before Keith and I were married in 2003, we visited a friend in San Antonio. While in the car she asked Keith a question I’ll never forget, “I just counted 6 times Fawn gave you unsolicited advice. Does that bother you?” Ouch.

The humility in his answer is one of the many reasons I love him to pieces, “No, I actually love it when she gives me advice. Unsolicited or not, I value her opinion.”

While I was grateful for his support in that moment, and thankful he didn’t seem to mind this subconscious action on my part, I also recognized this could potentially cause conflict years down the road. From that point forward, I made a concerted effort not to give him unsolicited advice.

The beauty is, because he respects my opinion, he asks for it often. There is no person he trusts more than me and no opinion he esteems greater than mine. But here’s the key. When I know my hubby has had a tough day, I wait for him to ask.

After a tough day on the job, what your husband often needs most is your warm embrace and silent understanding. You can ask him for more details about his day later, but for now, don’t be afraid of a little silence.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Reasons You Should Have a Marriage Mentor

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Mark Twain once said, “No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”

Although my love feels pretty doggone close to perfect, I have to agree with Twain.

Once you’ve been married that long, you know how you will respond to nearly every challenge life throws your way. You’ve been tested and come through the fire like pure gold.

This is why when I was recently asked by a newlywed for advice, I offered this: Only listen to marital advice from couples whose marriages you’d like to emulate.

I told her, just as she would never consider taking financial advice from a person in the middle of their second bankruptcy, she should reject advice from those in the midst of a miserable marriage.

In one ear…out the other.

This is not to say there isn’t great wisdom gained through failure. But that should always be put in perspective and held in lesser regard than wisdom gained through proven success.

What I have discovered over the years is couples successful in marriage, are oftentimes those who’ve modeled their relationship after thriving ones. They disregard the negative comments and choose to believe they can create their own happiness.

Those who surround themselves with couples who never tear down their spouse, only build up their marriage, and challenge the notion that happily ever isn’t possible, end up with a relationship filled with genuine happiness.

A marriage mentor need not be one married for ages. There is one couple Keith and I love to be around who are the same age as us. The difference is they’ve been together since college; roughly twice as long as we have. What is most important is their relationship is tried and true and thus we’ve gained a much higher marriage IQ from being around them.

So here are the 5 reasons we’ve surrounded ourselves with marriage mentors and why you should too:

1. They help keep you on track. Just being in their presence will remind you how wonderful life can be when you have a loving partner by our side.

2. They will not allow you to sweat the small stuff. Try complaining about your spouse to a long-standing couple who are genuinely happy. They will put a mirror in your face so fast. Speaking of which…

3. They will put a mirror in your face. Rarely, is a spouse always at fault. It takes two to tango, baby.

4. They provide a positive perspective in a world headed in the opposite direction. Let’s face it, marriage has been getting a bad rap these days. ”Happily married” has become an oxymoron. Marriage mentors help you see your relationship through the prism of time and love.

5. They are living proof that real love can and should last a lifetime. This constant reminder will help you ward off any negative thoughts and encourage you to keep fighting for the relationship you most desire. It will help you to design your happily ever after.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.

6 Great Reasons You Should Go Into Business With Your Spouse

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I often here people say, “I could never work with my spouse.” Those who say this don’t realize two things: 1) Some of the most successful people in the world are “duos”; and 2) Working together could be the most rewarding decision of your life.

When I refer to working together, know that I’m not suggesting you both quit your jobs and start your own company (although many couples, like the founders of mega successful companies Eventbrite, Clif Bar, A to Z wines, Kate Spade New York, Fiji Water and Teleflora have done this and had wild success).

But I am encouraging you to go after your dreams together.

Do either of you have a great business idea? Is there something you or your husband have been talking about for years but just can’t seem to begin working on it?

When I left the hotel industry a few years ago to launch a start-up technology company, never in a million years could I have imagined all the twists and turns I’d experience along the way (the rapid growth of this club and a trip around the world to interview couples for an upcoming book, being two of them).

In our early years together, we decided it would never be a good idea for us to work together. In part, because we’re both so strong-willed. Separation of work and personal, we concluded, would be best.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

Although my husband works in a completely different industry and loves what he does, he is my partner in every since of the word. I might own the company but he is my top adviser. He may not be a CEO in the traditional since but he is certainly my chief encouragement officer.

Early in the morning, before he even has time to sip his cup of coffee, he is oft times fielding business-related questions from me. Rarely do my meetings or calls for the day begin without our early morning “board meeting.”

If you’ve ever considered starting your own business but disregarded your spouse as your partner because it might “cause conflict,” here are four great reasons (in addition to the two above) you should reconsider that decision:

1. No one, other than you, will have more of a vested interest in your company than your spouse. Your success is oftentimes even more important and gratifying to them than it would be if they’d achieved it on their own.

2. You don’t have to both quit your jobs in order to launch out on your own. My husband may never leave his current company. They treat him well and he’s brilliant at what he does. But that doesn’t keep him from having my back fully in this business venture and that gives me the confidence and boost I need to go out and conquer another small piece of the world each and every day.

3. You’re like a big, giant idea factory. You can spend hours upon hours each week bouncing ideas off one another. Laying in bed, if an idea pops in your head, you don’t have to flesh it out or put together a Powerpoint presentation. You can just blurt it out and get instant feedback from the person you (hopefully) respect the most.

4. You can pool your resources. When you are working together as a unit, you can save money toward the same goal, you’ll trade off housekeeping and child-rearing responsibilities, and work as a team to build your company without sacrificing the more important things in life.

Bring your spouse in to partner with you on your greatest ideas. Maybe that means they’re just a sounding board or maybe they actually roll up their sleeves and get to work building the business alongside you. Partnerships come in many shapes and forms, but by far, my favorite partnerships are all those that involve my husband.

QUESTION: Do you have an idea you’d love to bring to the market? Does your spouse offer a certain skill set that could be helpful in getting taking your idea to the next level?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: One Thing Every Couple Must Know {Link Up}

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Today is my parent’s 40th anniversary. To be more accurate, this milestone was almost theirs until my father succumbed to his battle with prostate cancer last fall.

In Las Vegas on Memorial Day 1973, they said ‘I do’ after only four weeks of dating and never looked back. Today is a difficult day for my mom to be sure. It’s also a day when I am reminded of one important (but often ignored) truth.

There is but one thing every couple must remember if they are to live happily ever after til’ death do part:

Your spouse is not promised one breath beyond the present moment.

Remembering this point is crucial in creating a marriage in which happiness, good communication, friendship, love and encouragement trumps all else.

Have you ever gotten so upset with your spouse that you’ve gone to sleep after an argument determined to hold on to your position of being right until the next morning? You may not realize this, but in that action, you made a subconscious decision that your spouse would still be there in the morning to continue the conversation; to acknowledge you were right.

But what about those who fall asleep in that state to never have their spouse wake up again? What about the husband who walks out the door in the midst of an argument and never returns – not by his own will but that of his Maker?

Rather than spending the remainder of our lives thinking about the wonderful life we created with our spouse, we would likely live out our final days replaying that last conversation. Instead of grieving our lover, we would grieve our last words together; that bitter moment when pride took precedence over love.

Even those who are happily married, adore their spouse, and have a wonderful relationship sometimes fall into this trap of arguing over the insignificant. But what a better life those live who are reminded of this important point every moment of the day. All of a sudden, nothing is so urgent as to not warrant patience and nothing is so important as to cause a lapse in our gentle approach.

Today, in this moment, I challenge you to make a commitment to each other not to fall into that trap. Never argue over things that will not matter in the last five minutes of your life, because after all, you never know when that time will come.

When my father passed away, my mother in all her sadness was comforted by the fact that she had no regrets. She loved him to the very end and if she could do it all over again, she’d do it just the same. We should all be so wise. We should all be so in love.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: 5 Keys to Happiness {Link Up}

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I love to read. Most of the growth that has occurred throughout the course of my adult life has come at the hands of a book. I”m a huge believer in, whenever possible, learning from the failures of others rather than experiencing my own.

Why go through the hard stuff yourself if you don’t have to?

There are times when you must experience your own failure or trials to fully understand a lesson but I personally do that as seldom as possible. As a matter of fact, this has been a prayer of mine my entire adult life and I can genuinely say it has been generously answered.

If I can grasp the lesson through someone else’s experience, you best believe that is what I will do.

Business tycoon and success magnate, Warren Buffet, once said, “When people tell me they’ve learned from experience, I tell them the trick is to learn from other people’s experience.” YES!

So when it comes to the issue of happiness, it should come as no surprise that I look to the wisdom learned through other’s experiences to help shape how I handle challenging situations and maintain happiness in my own life.

The best book I’ve read, and the greatest lessons I’ve learned on this matter of happiness have come from countless interviews of couples happily married 25-plus years, and a book by Richard Carlson called You Can Be Happy No Matter What.

If you’ve never read this book, I highly recommend it. He speaks from a psychologist point of view (of which I am not) and helped me understand why and how happiness is possible in spite of every external situation in life.

I don’t write book reviews but I’ve found myself sharing this book with my friends lately so I wanted to share it with my online friends, as well. Happiness is all about the mind; it’s all about choice. And as a proud card-carrying member (and founder ) of the Happy Wives Club, I make this choice daily in my marriage and life.

As I was getting my car washed earlier today, I came across a Blue Mountain card that made me think about the above. I actually bought the card, not because I have anyone to give it to, but so I could share the contents with you. Granted, these aren’t all the keys, but they are a few great ones.

5 Keys to Happiness

1. Realize that happiness is a choice…you can make the decision to “be happy” each day.

2. Remember that happiness is contagious. Make someone smile, and the good feelings come right back to you.

3. Be grateful for the little things in life that are free. Make a list, and add to it each morning.

4. Believe that ultimately everything happens for a reason. Acceptance leads the way to happiness.

5. Give away some courage every day! When you encourage another to “Keep going,” “hang in there,” or “believe in your dreams,” you will find an unending source of happiness.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Join the 1,000,000 Member Challenge

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Do you love being married? Do you adore your husband? Does your life represent the exact opposite of the lifestyles portrayed in shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of…Everywhere, Mad Men?

If so, you should Join the Club!

You may not know this but women like you are the reason this club was founded and why we continue to grow by several hundred members daily. We are the antithesis to what is portrayed in the media every day.

Loving marriages do exist and we think it’s about time we saw these positive portrayals on television and in the movies. I certainly would love to see a marriage like mine -one without a bunch of drama and a couple still head over heels in love- on the small (or big) screen. What about you?

Your spouse and my spouse, you and me, we declare through our actions every day that true love does still exist and it doesn’t have to fade as the years go on. Like fine wine, when tended to, it just gets better over time.

Happily ever after isn’t a fairy tale; it’s a choice.

I must say one thing though as sometimes people confuse happiness with perceived perfection.

Becoming a member of this club doesn’t mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both. After all, there is no such thing as a perfect person, so how can there be such thing as a perfect marriage?

There is, however, such a thing as a happy marriage and a couple being in love til’ death do them part. As a newlywed 10 years ago, I was shocked by all the negative comments we received from people “warning” us about the pitfalls of marriage. They made life together sound like a constant battlefield. It’s not. At least it shouldn’t be. And my hope is this club would represent that message to the world.

When a woman gets married for the first time, rather than hearing countless stories of all the things that can possibly go wrong in marriage, she can join us here to learn all the things that can possibly go right. The Happy Wives Club is counter culture. Your marriage, for that matter, is counter culture.

But there are couples out there who need to be encouraged, who need to know in spite of what they see on television, in the magazines and online, they can create a marriage built to last a lifetime.

Every time a new member joins this club -and we continue this journey to find at least 1,000,000 happy wives around the world- we are collectively saying to the world: All husbands don’t cheat. All wives aren’t miserable. And happy marriages do still exist. Together, let’s change the way marriages are perceived in the world. Are you in?

QUESTION: Are you a member of this club? If so, let us know in the comment section below. If not, join us today and post a comment below that let’s us know you’re in!

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: We Said ‘I Do’…Again

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I’ve been bursting inside wanting to share something exciting with you! Only I couldn’t because so many of our closest friends and family read this blog and I was trying to pull off a big ole’ surprise.

In 2003, Keith and I eloped in Las Vegas in front of an Elvis impersonator-in-training (not kidding). We’d been dating for eight months and engaged for three. Our wedding plans were underway and we were set to be married four months later.

Shortly after celebrating his 31^st birthday, Keith turned to me and said, “Why are we waiting to get married?” I told him I didn’t know. “Want to go get married now?” he responded. Oh yeah!

Within an hour, we hopped in the car, drove to Nevada and by the next day were pronounced husband and wife. We never regretted this decision. It was a stress-free wedding and allowed us to begin our lives without incurring debt from the “big day.”

There was, however, one thing Keith told me he hoped would one day happen. He wanted to see me in a wedding dress.

This past Saturday, marking our first decade of love together, Keith’s dream came true as I slipped on a wedding dress and walked down the aisle to She’s My Kind of Rain and pledged my love for him in front of our closest friends and family. It was a beautiful day and even more fun was our guests had NO idea they were coming to a vow renewal ceremony.

Guests were invited to our very casual Annual Brunch with the Weavers (that we, oddly enough, have never hosted annually). Everyone was casual and waiting for a fantastic meal too be served when Keith excused himself from the party and then returned ten minutes later in a tuxedo.

Mouths wide open, our guests had a feeling something huge was about to happen. Until that point, the official story had been I was stuck in traffic which is why I wasn’t there (and that story was completely plausible as I really was stuck in awful traffic.

In his black and white tuxedo, Keith led all our guests like the pied piper to the Calabasas Creek Park, a small rose garden next door to the restaurant where we were holding our brunch, and 80 of our friends and family stood around as I entered from the back of the park and walked toward my dapper husband.

It was beautiful. A day neither of us will ever forget. Another wonderful memory in a marriage that has been filled with an endless string wonderful memories.

At the end of the brunch, two friends who’d flown into town gave us this vibrant sunflower, in an unconventional vase, with the following words written on a piece of paper from their hotel note pad:

This vintage tin cup represents ten years of love and commitment. It is a metal not easily found. It is fragile but when handled with care – will last a lifetime.

On this day, we recommitted to handling our marriage with the utmost love and care.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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5 Secrets to Maintaining Your Happiness {even when you long for more}

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Have you ever longed for something that seemed as though it might never come? Did you find it difficult to keep your inner peace and happiness during this time?

Maintaining your happiness -even when you desire more- is not only possible, it can begin today.

When Keith and I married in 2003, not in a million years could we have predicted 10 years later we’d still be without children. We picked out our son’s name 7 years ago. We easily agreed on our daughter’s name, as well. As of today, we still have neither.

The doctors have told us our options are IUI or IVF and it’s quite possible neither will work. But here is the important point. In spite of this desire unattained, we are still overwhelmingly happy.

I’ve often heard the stories of women who long to have a child so badly they make everyone, especially their husbands, miserable in the waiting.

It doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way. There is so much life has to offer in the meantime.

Here are 5 secrets to remaining happy, even in the midst of waiting for something you desperately desire:

1. Remain in the present. I know this is so much easier said than done but this is the single most important thing you can do to create and sustain happiness in your life. Dr. Richard Carlson (author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff) did a brilliant job laying this out in his bestselling book, You Can be Happy No Matter What.

2. Be grateful for what you have at this moment. Keith and I have not been able to reproduce and are undergoing fertility treatments (that may or may not eventually work) but our focus is not on this aspect of our lives. Our focus, and gratitude, is centered on everything we currently have and there is so much to be grateful for in this moment.

3. Trust that you do not currently have because you are not yet ready. In life, we go through many seasons and each one is meant to teach us important lessons about who we are and how to best love those around us. To believe you have not yet received because you are not ready is humbling but also a great relief. The latter because it confirms that you have exactly what you were built to have in this very moment.

4. Look at the adversity as a building block for your marriage. Keith and I are a united front on all issues, including this one. Joining together as a team to combat adversity (not against each other but the two of you against the challenge) builds and strengthens your marriage. It’s the “us against the world” mentality that causes the relationship to be closer than close.

5. Thank God for desires unfulfilled. We do not yet know the reason we don’t have children. But what we do know is when we look back at other desires that went unfulfilled, we’re so thankful for each one. So we have to trust we will look back at this time in our lives and be equally grateful. Garth Brooks says it so much better than I ever could with his song, Unanswered Prayers.

If you believe you need more than what you have to be happy, you never will.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.