On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.

Do you remember when the women of this club sponsored a national holiday for our husbands?

Last year, on January 22nd, we designated a special day to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours and we’re doing it again this year!

We’re working on something pretty cool for your husband so make sure to check back here tomorrow.

Until then, we continue our countdown to the 5 year anniversary or this club and the unveiling of our new site by counting down our top 20 posts of all time.

Coming in at #15 is a post originally written as a part of our popular 12 Weeks to a Happier Marriage series.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I don’t know about you but I don’t want to just meet my husband’s expectations, I strive to exceed them. 

From the moment we said ‘I do’ (really, from our very first date), he’s put me on a pedestal and refuses to take me down.  I am, after all, the woman he pledged to be with until the very end of time.

So in deciding on the 5^th installment to our 12 Weeks to a Happier Marriage series, I looked to him for inspiration.  How does he manage to -so consistently- exceed my expectations? 

And even in those rare moments when he falls short of meeting them, how does he redeem that so quickly?

Thank the awesome Mr. Keith Weaver, for these tips.  Because I’m the recipient of all six on a very regular basis, I can attest that they do indeed work:

6 Ways to Exceed Your Spouse’s Expectations

1. Know what they are.  You’d be amazed at how many people are disappointed by their spouses each and every day.  The sad part is most of these disappointments could be avoided if only their spouse knew their expectations –and preferably, before they failed to meet them.  You cannot exceed your spouse’s expectations if you don’t know what they are on the most basic level.  The wisest people ask the most questions.  Be as inquisitive as a child when it comes to your spouse.  Just keep asking questions until you fully know their expectation of you, and once you know that, you can knock that ball out of the park.

2. Know your spouse’s love language.  Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you know my husband and I didn’t know our love languages (as defined in the best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages) until we’d been married nine years.  And that seems to be okay because we always spoke to one another in the greatest amount of respect and reverence.  But I must say, learning each other’s love language helped clarify so much.  I was pretty shocked to find out Physical Touch is my love language and Keith’s is Words of Affirmation.  I would have thought the opposite.  But learning this one little truth has helped me exceed his expectations far more often than I did in the past.

3. Do the unexpected.  Little things.  Tiny things really.  It’s those small things that add up to the largest equation in marriage.  Find one additional thing a day you can do to bring a smile to your spouse’s face.  For Keith, I know if I make him a cup of coffee in the morning before he gets out of bed, the aroma of a freshly brewed cup will bring a smile to his face even before he’s opened his eyes.  Maybe for your spouse, it’s testing out some new lingerie or picking up some freshly cut flowers from your local farmers market (or florist).  Remember, this isn’t something big…it’s something really small, yet thoughtful.

4. Don’t expect anything in return.  The greatest key to exceeding your spouse’s expectations is whenever you do something  -no matter how big or small- do not expect anything in return.  I know that can be hard to do but it’s paramount.  Don’t keep score of all the wonderful things you do because that will eventually lead to comparisons.  And you and I both know comparisons are dangerous in every area of life, especially, marriage.  The goal here is to give with your whole heart without expectation of reciprocation.  The interesting thing is when you give with your entire being, expecting nothing in return, what you give always comes back to you ten-fold.  It’s one of those beautiful mysteries of life that continues to be proven true.

5. Don’t make assumptions.  As best-selling author Miguel Angel Ruiz so wonderfully put it, “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.  One of the greatest skills in marriage is to assume less and learn more.  Nothing pushes us to grow quite like marriage.  When you look at it as an endless opportunity to learn about the person you love most, yourself, and the world around you.  Assume as little as possible…discover as much as possible.

6. Strive for WOW…but don’t forget about the now.  I don’t know if you’re guilty of this but sometimes when I’m working on surprising my husband with a “Wow,” I forget the little things I should be doing now just to meet his expectations.  Remember it’s consistency in the little things that will always matter most.  The ABC’s of Marriage: Always Be Consistent.

YOUR TURN: What would you add to this list?  What do you do to exceed your spouse’s expectation?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

We’re getting closer and closer to the 5th anniversary of the Happy Wives Club and the unveiling of our new site. (I’m so excited I could bust!)

Our countdown theme from last week continues. Coming in at #16 is another post I was nervous to click “publish” on but I’m happy I did. It quickly became one our most popular articles of all time and has remained in the top 20 ever since.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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A couple years ago, I asked my husband two questions I highly recommend every wife ask.  I should, however, first add this disclaimer.  

When I posed the first question, his answer -in that moment- crushed my spirit.  But I can assure you, the crushing was well worth it.  

His honest and transparent response made me a better woman, friend and wife.

So what’s the question that crushed me, and yet, I still recommend you ask your husband?  Here it is:

“On a scale of 1-to-10, with 10 representing the wife you believe I have the potential to be, what would you rank me today?”

When asking this question, there is something incredibly important to first consider.  You have to create a welcoming environment for him to give his most honest response.  

If you can do that, this one question may be the catalyst that takes your marriage from good to great or from great to extraordinary.

If you’ve read my book, you know I wasn’t quite prepared for such an honest answer.  My husband has always been great at pointing out all the wonderful things about me.  He’s complimented me so often throughout our marriage that I had no idea how much room I still had to grow.

Honestly, I was expecting a score of a 9+.  I knew he wouldn’t give me a 10 because, after all, we all have room to grow.  But I thought for sure he would score me a 9.  

When he began his response with, “Compared to so and so, on a scale of 1-to-10, you’re a 100,” I knew his score, and the one I thought he’d give me, where unlikely to match.  My score when I posed this question to him in 2012, nine years into our marriage?  He gave me a soft 7.

I know that might not seem horrible to most but as a former general manager of a Hilton-branded hotel, in which all customer service scores of 8 or below were calculated as zero, it was a mighty big pill to swallow.  

His rationale for the score made me feel a bit better, “If I compared you to anyone else in the world, you’d be a 10.  But you asked me to compare you to the wife you have the potential to be.”  Even with that explanation, I was still disappointed.  But I tell you what.  I’ve never regretted asking that question.  Nor have I regretted posing this follow-up question:

“Can you give me a list of 6 things I can do to become a better wife?”

Let me tell you, that question is golden.

Here are two things that question does: 1) It shows your husband you care enough about your marriage that no matter how great it is, you want it to be better; and 2) It causes him to think about -and appreciate- all the things you already do right.

For fun, while you’re waiting for him to give you his list of 6 things (it took my husband 2 days and a gentle reminder), try writing your own list of 12 things you think will be on his list.  This exercise was a huge eye opener for me.  Of the 12 things I’d included on my list, only one was actually on his.  The 6 things he gave me were minor tweaks I could do easily.  But what he was looking for was consistency.

If you’ve been a part of the Happy Wives Club community for a while, you already know this about me but I’ll say it anyway.  I’m a true believer that we are all works in progress.  If we’re living, we should be growing.  So no matter how great and happy a marriage, it can always be better.  

Maybe you’ll find this exercise helpful.  Maybe not.  For me, and my marriage, it was a game changer.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

I’m continuing the countdown of our Top 20 posts while counting down the days to our Club’s 5th anniversary on February 4th (and the unveiling of the new HappyWivesClub.com site).

Yesterday’s post, #20 on our list, broke the internet! Well, technically not the internet but it certainly broke our site. We have a pretty robust server and our server went down five times in two hours.

Our 19th most popular post was originally written in August 2013 and got a ton of media coverage across Europe, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa when a reporter from The Times London said something snarky about it in their Sunday edition.

After The Times story, I found myself defending the Husband Gratitude List on and I’m so happy I did! I still love writing down the reasons I am grateful for that wonderful husband of mine and I hope you’ll enjoy doing it (in part, for the reasons listed below) just as much.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Have you ever written a list of the special qualities and characteristics that make your husband special?  What about keeping a journal of all the wonderful things he does for you throughout each week?

I began a husband gratitude list (which I called the Why I Love My Husband never-ending list) toward the end of last year and highly recommend it!

What I quickly discovered was what I once viewed as ordinary became extraordinary when thought about intentionally throughout each day.

The little things I might have taken for granted in the past -taking out the trash, straightening up the house, taking my car in to be serviced- all became things that filled my heart with gratitude.

One of the greatest benefits of keeping a husband gratitude list is it serves as a constant reminder of what makes your hubby so wonderfully awesome.  Why, out of all the men in the world, you chose to marry him.  

During those times when his imperfections glare brighter than his attributes, you can simply flip open your journal and look at your gratitude list to be reminded that your marriage is bigger than that moment.

A gratitude list is simple to compile.  All you have to do is begin.  You can include something as overarching as, “He loves me exactly as I am…not for who I may one day become,” which was the very first entry on my list.

You can also write down specific things he did earlier in the day like, “He spent hours organizing my desk that I’d allowed to become overrun with notes and random pieces of paper,” No. 46 on my list.

Although my list is quite long now, I thought I’d share a small section of it to encourage you to begin your own.  I promise, it does wonders for keeping your perspective right…especially, during those times when your husband falls short of perfect. (After all, every one of us has flaws, right?)

1. He is my biggest fan.

2. He never looks to point out what I’ve done wrong or the err of my ways.  He looks for how he can build me up and make me feel great about what I do right.

3. He buys me bottles of every kind of water except Aquafina and Dasani (the two he knows I don’t like).

4. He texts me if a meeting is running later than he anticipated so I know to expect his call soon.

5. He is the most loyal person I’ve ever known.

6. When I travel on business, he always gives me 1,001 reasons to want to come home.

7. He’s a strong man when it comes to the rest of the world but a complete softy when it comes to me.

8. When he picked me up at the airport this week, we walked out with me holding no bags and him holding three.  No matter how I tried to help, he simply wanted to take care of me.

9. He gets dressed for the gym early in the morning, in the dark, so I can continue to get some rest.

10. He likes his coffee black, I’m a white coffee kind of girl, and thus he makes sure our home is never without Coffeemate and Splenda.

Begin your husband gratitude list today and add to it as often as possible.  The real fun comes in when you begin looking for things to add to your list.  You will be amazed at how many wonderful things he does you may have otherwise overlooked.  And if your husband is anything like mine, you’ll soon realize there aren’t enough thank yous in the world.

QUESTION: If you were to begin your husband gratitude list right now, what would be the first 5 things on your list?

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

On February 4, 2015, the Happy Wives Club will celebrate 5 years of shining a positive spotlight on marriages around the world.

5 years!  Can you believe how quickly time flew (that must mean we were having fun, right )?

In honor of this amazing occasion, I wanted to do something truly special.  In less than four weeks, we will unveil a new HappyWivesClub.com (I’ve gotten a sneak peak at the new look and it’s pretty fantastic).

Leading up to the reveal of the new site, we’ll countdown with the Top 20 most popular posts on this site since the Club began in 2010.  I had no idea what our Top 20 posts were until I decided to do this countdown so it was pretty cool for me to see what posts our readers have loved most over the years.

Are you ready? Let the countdown begin!  Coming in at #20 is a post I originally wrote in October 2014.  For the record, it made me so nervous to press “publish” on this one.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Rarely does a week go by when I don’t receive a new comment on a post written for us by author, Sheila Wray-Gregoire, more than a year ago: What to Do When Your Husband Has a Low Sex Drive.

And although I’m always surprised when one pops up, I really shouldn’t be as research has long shown that one out of every five men have a low sex drive.

So many husbands and wives battle with a low libido.  And many, albeit not true in most instances, believe a decline in sex means there is something wrong with their marriage or that the romance is dying.

A low libido can be an indicator of so many things: health challenges, stress, birth control, medication, too much wine, fatigue, hormonal changes and the list goes on.  This is the reason I wrote this post last week: 5 Days to Better Sex in Marriage.  

For some of you, that post was just what you needed.  For others, I realize it might be a tad more complicated.  

If you love and adore your spouse (and I’m pretty certain you do, otherwise you’d unlikely be perusing a site called the Happy Wives Club), but find yourself getting frustrated in the bedroom, I sure hope this will help!

10 Best Ways to Kick Your {or Your Husband’s} Sex Drive Into Overdrive

1. Get to the root of the issue.  I can’t stress this enough.  If your sex life isn’t what it used to be, don’t panic.  This doesn’t mean you (or your spouse) is lacking interest, love or romance.  It could be a fairly large range of things.  If your husband is the one with the low libido, it could be due to any of these things.  If you’re the one needing a bit of a boost in the bedroom, it could very well be due to one of these challenges.

2. Reduce stress.  You’d be surprised the number of couples whose sex drive kicks into overdrive just by doing two simple things: turning off electronics and intentionally not thinking about anything that brings about stress.  When you are stressed, every organ in your body is impacted, including the organ that dictates your sex drive: your brain.  If you have too much going on in that mind of yours, the likelihood that you’ll be able to have a mind blowing sexual experience is pretty close to nil.  What can you and your spouse do to reduce your stress in order to enjoy making love more often?  Answer that question and you just may very well be able to skip the rest of this post.

3. Have a little fun in the kitchen.  Okay, I know what you’re thinking…and that wasn’t what I was thinking.  But that’s not a bad idea!  This is all about boosting your sex drive naturally with some help from your pantry.  Studies have long shown that certain vitamins and minerals increase nerve sensitivity and boost hormone levels, pumping up that sometimes elusive libido.  So I compiled this list of the 15 best aphrodisiac recipes for you and your husband I found on the web.

4. Try something different.  This five day challenge might be just what the doctor ordered.  Day 1: Exploration.  Day 2: Lube it or lose it.  Day 3. Get out of the bedroom.  Day 4. Think sensual thoughts.  Day 5. Create a sensual playlist.  All of these things are very simple, but when done over the course of 5 days as outlined here, you might find that what you thought you lost is quickly found.  Make sure to address item #2 on this list (reduce stress) first, to obtain the best possible results from this 5-day challenge.

5. Especially FOR MEN: Stay fit and keep the weight off.  “Not only will you simply feel better about yourself, but body fat also inhibits testosterone production. And, apparently, it’s really important for men to watch their waist size as belly fat absorbs testosterone more efficiently than fat cells elsewhere in the body. Both men and women will benefit from exercise, though, as aerobic workouts increase blood flow to sex organs.  According to Martika Heaner for MSN Health and Fitness, ‘psychological self-confidence that you get from being physically fit, accomplishing weight loss goals or simply losing weight boosts your self-esteem and helps you to feel sexier.’”

6. Especially FOR WOMEN: Feel great from the inside out.  For everyone, this means something different.  For me, I’m the least comfortable making love when I’m out of shape and parts that shouldn’t be jiggling seem to be dancing to music not actually being played.  Keith loves making love to me whether I’m in shape or not.  But personally, I’m just not as comfortable and since I know this about myself, I eat fairly healthy and exercise at least 3 days a week.  For you, this may not be an issue.  Whatever makes you feel great about yourself, that’s what you want to focus on because confidence is the sexiest thing you’re ever going to wear.   

7. Meditate to improve your sexual experiences.  If when I say “meditate,” what comes to mind is twisting your body like a pretzel, in the midst of hundreds of lit candles with Sanskrit chants playing in the background, we’re talking about two different things.  The benefits of meditation to your sex life are too numerous to list here but here are seven surprising reasons why meditation can improve your sex life.  My personality is classic type-A.  Meditation and prayer allow me to do something that doesn’t come natural to my driver personality: don’t sweat the small stuff.

8. Determine what you want.  What does the perfect sexual experience look and feel like to you?  Do you have a favorite time when you and your spouse made love?  Do you remember where you were, what music was playing, your mindset at that moment?  Recall that time…together.  And remember, if you did it before, you can do it again.  It might take a bit more time and effort now that you’re older, with so much on your minds, but rest assured it can be done again.  You just have to commit to get there together.

9. Create an open and accepting space.  If your spouse is the one with the low libido, this may be one of the most important action items on this list for you.  Creating an environment where your spouse feels cherished and respected, in spite of this temporary challenge, is one of the most loving things you can do.  Your spouse wants to please you in every way, including sexually, so not being able to do so is undoubtedly eating away at him.  Assure him you’re committed to figuring this out together.  And the happiness in your marriage is greater than just this one thing.  Yes, it’s important.  But your love, friendship, laughter and lifelong partnership means so much more.

10. Remove the pressure to get it perfect every time.  Have you seen the movie, The Thomas Crown Affair, with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo?  If you have, there’s no doubt you remember that steamy sex scene that went from one room to another, from the top of the bed to under the bed, to the stairs and so on…without so much as a break. Newsflash: that is not the real world.  If you watched a sex scene being shot on a Hollywood set, you’d undoubtedly know there’s nothing sexy about the twenty-plus attempts it took to create that “perfect” shot.  The most amazing and mind-blowing sex possible is that between spouses who love, adore, respect and cherish each other.  If that is you and your spouse (which I suspect it is), go through this list again -beginning with the most important one: getting to the root of the issue- and figure out together how you can make it great from here on out.

Creating the marriage of your dreams, like any other great achievement, doesn’t just happen by happenstance.  It takes time, effort, grace and patience.  The same can be said about your sex life.  When you’re twenty years down the road, and enjoying life with your best friend, you’ll be so happy you took the time to get it right…together…today.

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

From my article on Huffington Post this afternoon:

I sit with them. Listen to them. Dine in their homes. Meet their families. Explore their cities. Learn their greatest marriage and life lessons.

I research happiness. More specifically, what makes a marriage not just work, but work well…really well.

I interview couples happily married more than a quarter century to figure out how they did it and how what they’ve done can be replicated. I then pull all that research together to determine the common denominators.

There are 12 secrets that I’ve uncovered so far…and my journey of discovery is far from over.

When you sit among a couple who has been looking into each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands, laughing at one another’s jokes, teasing each other about their various flaws and idiosyncrasies, and supporting each other through this crazy thing called life for at least 25 years, something becomes very clear.

We were not created to be alone. We were made to love. We were designed to be loved.

Join me for the rest of this article, Your Marriage is Worth the Fight at Huffington Post (who I wrote it for earlier today)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

(This amazing man married me 11 years ago)

When I sat down to write this post, I looked at the title and thought, “That’s not SEO friendly at all!”  If you’re not familiar with “SEO,” it’s just a techie acronym that describes what most of us online writers do our best to pay attention to when titling our articles.

But here’s the thing.  I truly couldn’t think of another title because this is amazing.  

You probably remember when I released Happy Wives Club a year ago.  It was a book about my journey to 12 countries and 6 continents, to interview couples happily 25 years or more, to deduce the common denominators.  

It was most certainly the journey of a lifetime for me and changed every aspect of my marriage for the better.  I did my best to bring every reader, especially the members of this community, with me.

You may also remember the book debuted at #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers list and somewhere on the USA Today Best Seller list (I can’t quite remember the rank)..

So why am I reminiscing about the past?  Well, because it became present again earlier today when the book ranked #35 in all Amazon electronic books, #1 in Marriage eBooks and #2 in Relationships eBooks.

As of the moment I’m writing this, Happy Wives Club is nestled a few spots above Mockingjay (Hunger Games).  Not bad company, eh?  I told you this was A-mazing!

How did this happen almost an entire year after it’s initial release?  Well, my publisher had this brilliant idea to team up with Amazon Kindle, B & N Nook, Apple iBooks and Google Play to offer the book for $0.99.  Yes, you read that right…the book in its entirety for $0.99.

But here’s the catch: it’s only available for the next 24 hours….

I’m a terrible salesperson.  If you know me well, you know I don’t enjoy selling at all.  I love to give.  It is what I was placed here to do above all else: to love and be loved.  Sell?  Not so much.  So rather than giving you all the reasons you should go and snag this book, I’ll just share three things:

1. I appreciate you whether you purchase the book or not and am so grateful you are a part of this community.  The book itself is a huge part of what has supported this community the past couple years and hopefully will continue to do so.

2. My publisher is hoping the book will crack into the Top 10 on Amazon (I am too ) because something incredible happens at that point (which I don’t fully understand so I won’t try to explain it here – but trust when I say if it happens, it’s pretty awesome).

3. The eBook has never been on sale (to my knowledge) in the entire year it’s been out and I don’t know that it will ever go on sale again.  So picking it up today, if you so desire, would be an incredibly smart thing to do.

So that’s it.  My best attempt at a sales pitch.  I’d be honored if you grabbed a copy of the eBook (and I’ll make sure to let you know if we break into the Top 10 as you would be the reason that happened).  But know that whether you do or whether you don’t, you are loved and appreciated.

• Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Amazon Kindle
• Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on B&N Nook
• Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Google Play
• Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Apple iBooks

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Sing along with me, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” 

Thanksgiving has ended, which means we get a short reprieve from the thousands of extra calories we would usually never allow in our diet.  That macaroni and cheese, oh my, the holidays wouldn’t be the same without that.

Did you get an extra helping of cornbread dressing (that’s our soul food cooking…you may have enjoyed stuffing)?  What about the pies, cakes and puddings?  Keith’s mom made so many we could have all taken one home (and I don’t mean just one piece)!

Dinner ended and it was time for the Christmas lights to go up.  You did put up Christmas lights, didn’t you?  (Shhhh…don’t tell anyone…we didn’t even think about it.)

Nearly as soon as Thanksgiving dinner was over, you were already writing your Christmas to-do list, weren’t you? 

You may even be one of those super-planners who was already checking Christmas items off your list by the end of the weekend.  Go you (you fabulous overachiever, you)!

In all the hurry that seems to define this time of year, it’s probably good that we put a plan in place now to keep our happiness high (and our stress levels low) during the upcoming holiday season.

1. Make Your Marriage a Refuge.  During busy times, we have a decision to make.  We can either allow the stress of the world to weigh in on our happiness or we can keep the world at bay and make our marriage a safe haven.  Take a few extra minutes in the morning to enjoy a cup of tea together or stay up in bed a little longer just to chat about your day and melt into each other’s arms.  Your very own still point in a turning world, that is what your marriage is meant to be.

2. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Super Simple).  I love a beautiful Christmas tree and erecting one during this time of year is one of my husband’s greatest joys.  All-white Christmas lights are one of my favorite things to look at during the holiday season.  But I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not because they are always on our house.  Figure out what you have the time and resources to get done this year and create your best holiday ever (minus the stress of trying to keep up with what you’ve done in year’s past).  I’m not 100-percent sure but if I were to guess, this year will be a tree-free Christmas for the Weavers.

3. Divide & Conquer.  A couple weeks ago, I got a new license plate that reads TEAM WVR.  Oftentimes when we RSVP for events, instead of sending in a reply as “Keith and Fawn Weaver,” we’ll RSVP under Team Weaver.  This is our normal way of life but it’s even more important during the holidays.  Don’t try to take everything on yourself.  Write a list of what needs to get done and then ask your husband to partner with you in tackling every item on that list.  Two are so much better than one.  And if you’ve got kids…even more hands to get everything done.

4. Manage Expectations.  Look at your bank account now.  If you can’t afford to do what it is you want to do or what it is you’ve done in the past, it’s okay.  Just say it.  Telling someone you love that you just can’t afford to get what it is you’d like to get them or to do what it is you’d like to do may be humbling, but when it’s all over, you will feel like the weight of the world has rolled off your shoulders.  If from the offset, everyone knows what to expect, the pressure is decreased tremendously and you and your husband can feel great knowing that you’ve done what you can and what you can is more than enough.

5. Exercise Together.  Okay, so this may seem out of place given the first five tips listed but there is truly no better time throughout the year to exercise for two reasons: 1) We usually eat way more than we should, pack on extra poundage and then stress about getting it off; and 2) Endorphins, baby!  One of the best natural stress fighters is released into your body the moment you begin to exercise…and…when you have sex.  That’s precisely why sexercise was invented!

6. Don’t Skimp on the Sex.  Let’s keep those endorphins flowing! Two of the best ways to get them going are exercise and sex.  It’s during stressful times that we tend to forget about basic things like making love regularly.  But this is the time when we need it most.  Not only to release stress and tension but to be joined together as one (in the most literal sense possible  ).  And if you need a little more convincing on this one, here are 4 benefits of making love…for you!

7. Consider Giving to Those In Need.  ”It is better to give than to receive,” is no cliché.  There are few greater truths in life than this and if you ever want to put your life in perspective, go to your local homeless shelter and serve.  Just for one day. Take the entire family and see if you don’t walk out of there wanting nothing more than to take every present you planned to put under the Christmas tree and give it to someone you had the privilege of meeting that day.

The first seven tips listed were from a post I wrote last year around this exact same time, 7 Ways to Create a Stress-Less Marriage During the Holidays.  I’ve added the following three because your personal happiness is one of the keys to your marital happiness.

8. For Your Own Sake, Forsake Tradition.  If following tradition is going to stress you out, create a new tradition.  It’s your family, your life and your happiness, do what works for you! 

9. Wake Up Every Morning and Choose You.  When I say, “choose you,” if the first thing that comes to mind is how selfish that sounds, then this is the perfect tip for you.  You are the nucleus of all that happens around you.  If you’re not happy, if you don’t feel encouraged or excited about life, neither will those around you.  When you wake up in the morning and focus on doing what makes you come alive, what you feel as though you were born to do and be, that has a positive impact on everyone around you.  For me, meditation, spending time with God and a wonderful cup of tea or coffee with Keith is what I need to begin my day off right.  What does that for you?  Whatever allows you to begin your day feeling your best, choose that.  Do that.  Don’t forsake yourself any time of the year, but especially, during what has become the most stressful time of the year for most.

10. Choose Love First.  During the holidays, we can lose the best part of who we are and become the worst versions of ourselves if we are not careful.  In your desire to show others how much you love them by what you buy, cook, how you prepare your house, and all the other things we do during the holidays, don’t forget to love yourself.  That means taking some time to rest and doing only what you can do, without overextending yourself, because that is when you will truly be at your best.  When you take the time to love yourself, you are able to love others better and when you think about the true meaning behind this holiday season, it is all about love.  In all your doing over the next month -Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years- don’t forget to do that (love) the most.

Want to enjoy a happy and stress-free holiday?  Well, it’s not going to happen unless you make the decision to choose it and put a plan in place now that will carry you through the holidays.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

“So my question for you,” she asked as tears rolled down her cheeks, “What is your definition of a happy wife?”

This was a few months ago as I was speaking to a group of 200 or so married women.  A beautiful silver haired woman on the second row spoke up during the Q & A portion of my talk.  

She explained that she loved her husband greatly and loved being married.  

“We’ll be together until the end.  We committed long ago that we would keep that promise,” she said with conviction.”  But she had one challenge.  

While I was speaking, every time I’d mention the happily married couples I’d interviewed over the years, and especially the wives, the same question popped into her mind.

While holding the microphone that had been passed around the audience to ask me questions, she revealed the most vulnerable part of herself:

“I truly love my husband.  But if someone were to ask me if I’m a ‘happy wife,’ I don’t know that I would be able answer that question.”  As she continued, there was a buzz that began to build in the room.

Finally, when she closed her comment with, “So my question for you is what is your definition of a happy wife,” the entire room burst into applause.  

I hadn’t realized until that very moment, the entire time I’d been talking about “happy wives,” there was a large group of women in the room wondering what that really meant.

I was so happy she asked the question because it allowed me to give this answer:

The definition of a happy wife is the same as the definition of a happy marriage.  It is whatever you define it to be.  Do not compare your marriage or your life as a wife to anyone else.  My version of “happy” may look completely different from yours and that’s exactly the way it should be.  

Go to your spouse and say, “What does a happiness in marriage mean to you?”  And then you ask yourself, “What does happiness is marriage feel like to me?”  And those are the only two responses that should matter in answering that question.

Becoming a happy wife doesn’t mean everything will be perfect each and every day.  It simply means you make a conscious effort to elevate what is great and to diligently work on everything that subpar.

Being a happy wife doesn’t create a buffer against the insensitivities of your spouse.  It just means you’ve chosen to focus on what he does right more than the errs of his ways.

A happy marriage doesn’t shield you from the onslaught of curve balls life may throw at you or cause you to walk around utterly oblivious to the challenges around us all.  It simply means you’ve found at least one thing in this world you can count on -the unconditional love of your spouse- and you’ve made a  decision to celebrate that every remaining day of your life.

The definition of a happy wife is whatever you define it to be.  So define it well and enjoy living that out.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Have you ever attempted to be grateful for your spouse and attempt to be mad at them at the same time?  It’s hard to be upset with someone when you’re thankful for them at that very same moment.

I was recently speaking with a wonderful friend of mine and she was telling me about a life coach she began working with not long ago.  One of the first things the life coach instructed her to do was to wake up each morning, and before doing anything else, say what she is grateful for in that moment.

That got me to thinking.  How impactful would that be in marriage?  What would be the benefits of waking up each morning and saying, “I am grateful for,” and then thinking or speaking out loud your answers in relation to your spouse.

Just a few moments ago, a wide smile began to stretch across my face for no particular reason (with little crinkles in the corner of my eyes). The ends of my lips curled upwards when I thought about my own answer to that question.  I am grateful for:

my husband’s laughter

the way he holds my hand and kisses my forehead

his desire to see me succeed in every aspect of my life

our friendship

his faithfulness and loyalty

These are the thoughts that popped into my mind first.  But there are so many other reasons for me to be thankful for him, chief among them:

he’s still here

I’ve met so many widows since founding this club, those who would trade the remainder of their days just to spend one last day with their spouse.  When Myles Munroe and his wife died in a plane crash earlier this week, my girlfriend sent me a text that read, “At least neither of them were widowed.”  I thought, what a profound statement.

My husband is still here.  Your spouse is still with you.  Let’s begin tomorrow morning grateful for that.  But that’s just the beginning.  Start with that thought and then continue to list as many reasons as come to mind. 

As I was writing this post, I realized there were at least 5 benefits for expressing gratitude for your spouse each and every morning:

1. It is a reminder that life is just a vapor.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  What greater gift can you give your spouse than letting him know how thankful you are they are here in this moment?

2. Gratitude is the gateway to happiness.  There is not a happiness researcher in the world that will dispute this point.  The most direct route to happiness is through Gratitude Avenue.

3. It is an acknowledgement at the top of the day that you are willing to A.E.O.D: accept each other’s differences.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.  No need to change them.  Love will do just fine.

4. Great things will begin to happen.  When you begin the day, thinking positive thoughts about your marriage and spouse, you will find that more great things will begin to happen.  It’s the darndest thing!  The happiest couples I know are also the most grateful.  It’s as if gratitude begets more things for which to be grateful.

5. Your spouse will become more grateful for you and all you do.  Again, it’s the darndest thing.  Those who are seeking gratitude and recognition from their spouses rarely receive it.  That is, until they begin to consistently give to their spouse that which they seek.  Gratitude begets gratitude. It’s just like a yawn; try being around one without it catching on.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Marriage expert.  That’s an adjective I’ve never been comfortable using in association with my name.  In every television or radio interview where they’ve introduced me as a marriage expert, I’ve been quick to make the correction.  

Why?  Because every day, I have the pleasure of interacting with women through this Club who have been happily married longer than I’ve been alive.  

They are the real experts.  

I am solely a conduit of information between those who have successfully created the marriage of their dreams and those who desire to begin that journey to happiness today.  

I’ve had and continue to have the great honor of sitting at the feet of sage wives like a young girl thirsty for knowledge.

Yesterday morning, I was curious about something and posted this on our Facebook community page, ”Quick!  Off the top of your head, how many years and months have you been married as of today?”  

As I scrolled through the more than 3,000 responses, I was quickly reminded of why I’m unlikely to ever refer to myself as a marriage expert:

“53 years and 2 months.” -Kathleen Anderson

“54 years and 4 months.” -Suzanne Gattuso

“52 years and 10 months.” -MaryLou Dibling

“45 years and 11 days.” -Polly Caughron

“40 years, 10 months & 296 days.” -Judy Mielke

Those were just at the beginning of the responses that continued for more pages than I could even think to review.  Sprinkled throughout those responses were:

“Three weeks!!” -Christy Beasley

“3 months – newlywed.” -Tiffany Woodall

“Saturday, November 8, 2014, My Anthony & I will be Getting Married! Our day! Can’t wait to Marry him, My Love.” -Lorie Mason

“2 years.  It’s our anniversary.” -Angela Carson

“Getting married Saturday! ” -Sophia TC

Women who have been married for half a century, on the same chain of responses as those tying the knot this weekend.  How encouraging must it be for the younger women to see living proof that their marriage too can last for a lifetime?  How encouraging is that for you and me?

I thought, What if I could get some of those married 20-plus years to share words of encouragement with those new to marriage?  What if I could get them to share their best marriage advice?  And then I realized, Duh, I could just ask you here.

Each and every day, around 20,000 people -the vast majority from the US- make their way to this blog.  If I were to guess, at least half of those are looking for advice on how they can create the best marriage possible.  So let’s do something special for them.  

If your wedding year is before 1994 (the year I officially became an adult), will you do us the honor of sharing some of your sage marital wisdom for the couples getting married soon or those who are newlyweds?  Please share these two things:

1. Words of encouragement for the newly married.

2. Your best marriage advice.

For those of you new to marriage, don’t pass up this opportunity to learn from those who have been living the life you are now building.  I’ve been happily married eleven years and still love getting (and applying) new (or forgotten) marriage advice.  I’m like my own guinea pig.  So rest assured, I’ll be reading all the comments and learning myself!

Honored to sit among you.  Thank you for your willingness to give something that will mean so much to the tens of thousands who will undoubtedly read your words.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

**This post is an extended version of my original article: 8 Ways to Increase Your Marriage IQ**

Did you know some scientists believe genetics only account for fifty percent of a person’s intelligence quotient (IQ)?  

The other fifty percent can be increased year after year through training and intentionality.  

That got me thinking.  What about a person’s marriage IQ?  

When researching articles (like this one) on how to increase your IQ, I noticed they all gave similar suggestions.  

And almost all of those ideas could be applied to increasing the knowledge of one’s spouse and how to make marriage even better.

So let’s get to it!  Here are 10 ways to increase your marriage IQ:

1. Begin Your Day Off Right. In marriage, it’s not the right breakfast that increases your IQ; it’s enjoying it together.  Some aren’t big breakfast people (hubby and I certainly aren’t), don’t worry, you can have the same impact by beginning each day together with a cup of java or tea.  

If mornings don’t work, try setting the time aside at the end of your day.  Either way, what’s most important is this time together -daily- can help you stay in tune with your spouse and marriage.  Here are 3 things having a daily ritual can do for your marriage, in addition to upping its IQ.  

2. Stay Fit, Get Some Vitamin F2 Daily & Keep Your Heart Healthy.  Everyone repeat after me: “Endorphins!”  These little neurotransmitters pass along signals from one neuron to the next.  

Exercising (and sex!) release endorphins which help to lower stress, are natural pain killers, and give an instant boost to your happiness.  There is absolutely no downside to staying fit and Sexercise will double the benefit.

3. Keep a Gratitude Journal. Keeping a Why I Love My Husband list or creating a gratitude journal specific to your spouse will keep your spirits high, even when they’re thinking about taking you low.  

If your hubby does something that disappoints you or hurts your feelings, just flip open the journal to what wonderful things you wrote about him the day before and be reminded to not the sweat the small stuff.  You married an awesome person.  You said so yourself…just hours earlier.

4. Take a Break.  Which one of us doesn’t need a mental break; an intentional time of recharging our mental batteries.  For my hubby and me, we set aside twenty-four hours each week (usually Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown) when we do absolutely, positively no work.  This has been our saving grace, especially, in our busier seasons.  Initially, it might seem odd not working for an entire day.  But I promise, your marriage will soon thank you.  And just to prove it, here are 8 benefits of a day or rest for you and your spouse.

5. Don’t Get Bored.  Mindless surfing of channels and the internet is time that could be much better spent actually doing something (resting, by the way, is something).  Rather than vegging out in front of a television, try whipping out the Scrabble board and going toe-to-toe in fun competition.

To increase your IQ, experts recommend a Rubik’s cube.  To increase your marriage IQ, I recommend anything that will get you talking and enjoying one another often and intentionally.  Here are some great ideas from SheKnows for this activity.

6. Life Long Learning.  Whatever you do, never stop learning!  Reading books on marriage (and then implementing the suggestions that relate to your own) is one of the fastest and most efficient ways to increase your marriage IQ.  

Books like Dr. Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music (for sex), Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (for communication) and Laura Doyle’s The Surrendered Wife (balance of power), Happy Wives Club (making your marriage great) have helped more marriages than I can count.  I can’t tell you how many marriage books I’ve read over the years and each one has had a gem in it I could immediately apply to my own.

7. Meditation.  If your brain goes from 0-to-60 in .05 seconds like mine, this is something that will be incredibly beneficial to you.  Praying is a form of meditation.  Laying or sitting still and clearing your mind is another.  Deep inhales and exhales can be a form of meditation, as well.  

As the Mayo Clinic has long confirmed, “Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that benefits both your emotional well-being and your overall health.  And these benefits don’t end when your meditation session ends. Meditation can help carry you more calmly through your day and may improve certain medical conditions.”

The bottom line is it helps you -at any time- slow down your day.  That reduction of stress can only increase the pleasure in the time you spend with your husband.  

8. Find a Marriage Mentor.  There is no greater way to learn how to take your marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary than by surrounding yourself with others who have already walked the road you’re currently traveling.  I previously wrote an entire post on the 5 reasons you should have a marriage mentor and highly recommend it.

9. Play the “What If” Game.  When my husband and I were dating, this was one of our favorite things to do and how we got to know each other so well.  We’d as each other random “what if” questions.  What if you won $10 million dollars, what would you want to do with it?  Or even questions like, If you could choose any profession in the world, what would it be?

I learned more about my husband, before we said I do, playing this game than anything else.  There’s just something about being able to ask any off the wall question that opens up great dialogue and allows you to learn more about your spouse each and every time.

10. Add an Annual Vacation.  And by the way, a “staycation” is still a vacation.  You don’t need to plan an elaborate trip or spend a ton of money.  All you need to do is block the time off your calendar and shut off all electronics so it’s just the two of you.

Every living creature grows and matures with each passing year.  You and your spouse are no different.  From year to year, growth happens in each of your lives individually and collectively.  Dedicating time to talk about those changes each and every year is important for allowing you both to grow together.

As is the case with intelligence, increasing your marital IQ isn’t required in order to have a great marriage.  But why not give it a try anyhow?  What other ways do you think one can increase their marriage IQ (intellect and knowledge of spouse and pleasure in their marriage)?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.