Question of the Week

What an interesting question! I think when women get together, it's more fun to hear about someone's husband leaving a towel on the bathroom floor more than one cooking a gourmet dinner. And, at least in my group, we all have successful marriages — it's our kids we have to worry about. So when they have a success, we like to share. Parenting can be such a struggle. Luckily for me, my marriage is not so I don't feel the need to brag.

That's a great question and one that we actually spoke about it my MOPS Leadership group last year. Some of the tables, it seemed, started 'husband bashing'….while funny, well, it sometimes seemed to get out of hand and was a bit disrespectful. Yes, many of the stories WERE funny, but we decided that the table leader would try to limit this kind of talk. There were many younger women in our group of 85 (8 to a table) who were newly married, and it seemed a better idea to praise marriage/husbands instead of bash/giggle. We wanted to make marriage a good thing and a way to share ideas for date night, etc….and so this line of talk became important for us to do in our group.

Speaking about children at our group seemed easier as many of the girls wanted advice from our mentors (older women who had children grown). Asking why a child did this, or did that, and be able to get ideas from other mother's seemed almost less threatening than speaking about a strong marriage! But as one of our mentors said at a meeting, having a strong, successful marriage first, before children arrive, is a great place to raise them!

Of course it's easier to talk about the beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed child smiling so sweetly while scoring that game winning goal, but I am here to tell you even if you do have a strong marriage and don't feel the need to brag, that bragging on your husband brings such peace and joy to not only your own heart but it also can bring encouragement to others. Haven't you been around that person that always has a smile on their face or always has a kind word to say and you want to be around them more and more? I would much rather surround myself with women that are proud of their husbands and what they do for them than the male/husband-bashers. And on that note, I will share a "brag" moment of my own. My husband had a job yesterday that required him to be outside for awhile in VERY cold weather. The sweet lady kindly asked him how he was able to stay warm and he replied, "It's the love of my wife that keeps me warm". Now, that made my heart smile. Have a great day!

Fawn, I love what you're doing! Our thoughts and our words are so important! We can attract light and love by being positive instead of negative. And we can become happy from now on, "until death do we part." But do you ever worry about when death will part partners? I'd love to see your comments on this in some future blog.

I think both are kinda taboo, depending on who you are talking to and how you phrase it. I brag on my hubby a LOT on FB but have never had any one say anything negative about me doing so. . . I dont know, maybe I am just around different types of people than most, or no one has had the guts to tell me how they really feel about my comments but I think it may be acceptable as long as you phrase it right? While, I will get teased here and there for things I say or sweet things we do, usually it is teasing done just because the person doesn't know how to react or thinks it's cute and wants to call attention to it. . .

maybe I'm just weird?

I think it's partly because so many people know that this "automatic" love often comes when you give birth to a child. You hear moms complimenting their kids with things like, "You're so special" or "You're so beautiful" and their kids will respond with things like, "You just say that cause you're my mom. Mom's have to say that." It's become an accepted thing that moms are and should be loving toward their kids.

As for the "bragging on the husband" thing being taboo, I find that it's not acceptable because a lot of people aren't happy in their marriage and it feels socially awkward to brag. There's a lot of jealousy there. For example, I once was asked to speak at a women's ministry event. It was my very first speaking engagement and I was nervous. I was also a newlywed. Before the day of the event the director asked her leadership team of women if it would be a good idea to have my new husband come out and support me for this special event and wanted to let him present me with flowers after I spoke, just a symbol of his support for me. She said she was shocked at the response of some of the other married women on the leadership team. They denied her idea and told her that too many of them would feel jealous because their husbands wouldn't do the same for them. Needless to say my husband didn't get to come hear me speak. The director shared that with me after the event was over. I was surprised and honestly, a little bit bummed.

It stinks that it seems easier to find people to mourn with you than it is to find people who will rejoice with you.

That's a fascinating question! My husband and I have been happily married for 36 years, and it's interesting that there aren't a lot of occasions where it's socially appropriate to talk about it that much. We usually go out together, and I think our interactions are a testimony of our love for each other. Store clerks are terribly impressed when my husband picks out something nice for me. I think husbands and wives should only speak kindly about their spouses in public, and I love it when sites like yours encourage positive discussions about marriage. Thanks for all you do!

I agree that there has definitely been a trend in television and entertainment in general toward "man bashing". I think many women might think that celebrating their husband's accomplishments is somehow not being modern or with the times. I really hope that's a trend that will change! I also think there's a fine line when when "celebrating accomplishments" comes across as bragging or boasting, so you need to be careful.

One thing I have found as a wife– when I hear my husband telling others that he thinks I'm smart, talented or beautiful it makes me feel great and I love the opportunity to give my husband that feeling in return!

@Melissa- So true. There is definitely a fine line and staying on the side of "celebrating" and not crossing over to the side of "bragging" is so important. I do feel as though men do a better job at this than women though. It's not odd to hear a man talk about the accomplishments of his wife or how well she loves him. It seems to come much more natural to them. @Ginny- I see you brag on your blog about your hubby all the time and I love it! No jealousy over here . Thank you both for stopping by and taking the time to join the conversation.