4 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life…Today!

By Andrea Cairella on Sunday, January 26, 2014

4 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life Today

I have spent the past two years interviewing and surveying thousands upon thousands of happy wives and one of my greatest discoveries was how minimal the difference is between what makes a happy wife and what makes an unhappy one.

The two greatest distinctions are these: 1) Assigning a greater weight to all that is right about one’s spouse and marriage while assigning a lesser weight to what needs improvement; and 2) A mastering of the basics…consistently.

So often, we find ourselves looking for “the next best thing” in nearly everything.  

We hop from diet to diet, instead of sticking with the time tested, science backed plan of input versus output.  Burn off more calories than you eat.  It’s as simple -and as difficult- as that.

When it comes to sex in marriage, so often we’re looking for earth-shattering advice that will revolutionize our sex life.  But sometimes, what we need is to return to the basics and to master those.  

For many of us, the “spice” we’re looking for can be found in what we’ve previously discovered.  For others, what you’ll read today might be brand new information.

Either way, I’m hoping this post by HWC contributor, Andrea Cairella, will help you heat up the bedroom (or any room in your house you deem worthy ;) ) tonight.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Do you want to spice things up in the bedroom?  Well you are not alone.  Typically couples say they have sex 1x per week, but statistics show that actually 15% of couples have sex every 6 months to a year. And since a sex life is an important aspect of a fulfilling  and satisfying marriage -both for men and women- let’s talk about 4 spicy sex secrets that can ignite a spark in your bedroom.

  1. Rekindle the Old.  If it has been a while since you have had sex it is helpful to reconnect with the basics. Do you remember the pleasurable hugs, caresses and kisses you shared with your partner when your relationship began?  One way to ease your way into rekindling the intimacy and connection is to spend a few minutes hugging each other until each of your bodies relax completely. This allows both of you to let go, get out of your head and connect with your physical body.

    David Schnarch author of the Passionate Marriage writes the following about sex in marriage, “Discovering the untapped potentials within even a simple hug expands your opportunities for a deeply fulfilling sexual connection.”

  2. Focus on the Sexual Journey.  Instead of focusing on the orgasm as the main goal, task or objective, I recommend focusing on the present moment, becoming mindful and attuned to your body sensations, making eye contact with your partner and connecting with your breath. This helps with reducing anxiety and feeling closer to your partner.
  3. Spice Things Up. Once you have the two basics down you can take it up a notch and incorporate the next suggestions. You can have a make out session like when you were a teenager or massaging each other with or without your clothes on.  If you would like to expand your current sexual borders, you can read books on sex enhancement, try a tantric sex course or try a new sexual toy to enhance the quality of the sex in your marriage.
  4. Manage Negative Beliefs or Judgments. If you have negative beliefs about your body image you can begin doing affirmations such as: “I am beautiful and sexy” to counter any negative thoughts that get in the way of grace and self-love.  Be willing to connect with your sexual essence by being playful, creative, spontaneous, open and vulnerable.  And if any negative beliefs about the topic of sex get in your way, you can begin challenging those negative beliefs and redefining what sex can mean for you in the present and future of your marriage.

As a fellow Happy Wives Club member you are invited to join me this Wednesday for my Sexy, Hot and in Love Webinar!   It’s 100% free so if you’re looking to spice up your sex life just a little more…here’s your personal invite to join me HERE for 4 spicy tips!

With love and gratitude xxoo,

Andrea

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Andrea Cairella

Psychotherapist at True Potential Counseling
She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Consultant who leads couples retreats & presents at conferences throughout the USA and Europe. In her free time she enjoys spending quality time with her soulmate and love of her life, traveling, dancing zumba & yoga. She is the CEO/Founder of True Potential Counseling, author of Transforming Relationships in 12 Weeks or Less, & the creator of True Potential TV and True Potential Blog which offer couples helpful relationship tips to transform their lives and create a relationship they love on a weekly basis. To find out more about Andrea and to grab your 3 Part Video Series: Create a Relationship You Love for free visit.
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  • Sarah

    Sometimes the basics are what we forget about first! Quality time; intentional time spent talking, hugging, reconnecting, is what keeps us past the basics! Although, I would be careful with #3. I’m sure this wasn’t the intention in the post, but as a reminder, don’t allow or purposefully invite things into your sex and marriage that aren’t Godly. Agreements must be made about what you will allow in your bedroom. God gave us sex as a healthy, helpful, encouraging, essential, enjoyable, lovely part of marriage; be careful to not poison, pervert, or add to that gift. The gift He created is perfect, and I believe He meant for it to be fun! Praying for any of you who are not experiencing this as the gift He intended for you!

    • Andrea

      Thank you Sarah for your comment. Sometimes it is the basics that are the most satisfying and allow us to add a spark to our marriage. As every relationship and couple is different and have different comfort zones, it is important for the couple respect those areas & to decide what is best for them. These ideas and suggestions open up a space for exploration in creating an intimate connection with the one you love in a variety of ways.