One Simple Idea That Makes Every Marriage Better

By Kim Hall on Thursday, February 6, 2014

One Simple Idea That Makes Every Marriage Better

Love, love, love this idea by HWC contributor, Kim Hall from TooDarnHappy.com.  

For the first three years of this site, I was almost the sole contributor.  Then earlier this year, I invited other happily married writers to join me.

Best. Decision. Ever.  

As I’m traveling the country this week hosting meet-ups with local Happy Wives Club members in 12 cities, it’s wonderful to not only write but to be able to enjoy reading articles like this one that remind us all how important the little things are in marriage.

If you haven’t already done what Kim suggests below, give it a try.  I did something similar earlier this year.  It truly is one simple idea that makes every marriage better.

Enjoy the post and I hope to see you as I continue to travel the country in the weeks ahead.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

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Do you remember those colorful puzzles where you had to find everything that was wrong with the picture?  Maybe the side-by-side pictures in some magazines that ask you to find the differences between the two.

We leave no stone unturned in our search to figure out what is wrong.

Oh, the joy: A misspelled sign, a flying pig, an escalator to nowhere!

There was such a solid sense of satisfaction as you discovered and checked off each error.

But do you remember ever noticing the joy in those images?

Probably not, because you had your internal search engine programmed to find every mistake.

What you pay attention to about your spouse is very similar.

When you focus on your husband’s faults, it distorts the bigger picture and chips away at your relationship.

The solution is simple.

Shift your focus to the good to improve your marriage.

I’m not asking you to ignore issues.

I’m suggesting a different approach.

I want you to focus on being grateful.

Just once a day.

Because gratitude is the spoonful of sugar that helps marriage in the most delightful way. (Tweet that!)

I wrote previously about Darren Hardy’s Thanks-giving Journal.

Following an argument, he decided to write to his wife to let her know how grateful he was for her:

While he struggled at first to look for those blessings, he found his attitude had completely changed to one of deep love and thankfulness once he finished with his message.

Believing he had stumbled onto a great idea, he began a year long project.

Every day, he would spend a few minutes noting just one thing about his wife that he admired, adored, or enjoyed, and wrote it down.

At the end of the year, he gave his wife this Thanks-giving Journal.

She cried and said it was the best gift ever.

What happened?

He was paying attention to the good, to the woman he fell in love with so long ago.

He detailed for her how she mattered, both to him and others.

Not only did it change his daily focus, but it improved the quality of his marriage.

Look for reasons to express your gratitude towards your spouse.

I encourage you to write it down daily, because gratitude is a matter of practice.

Say it out loud, too, with words like thank you, I appreciate that, I am so grateful when you do that!

You just might re-discover more to love about your other half, improve your marriage, be happier, and give the most amazing gift to your husband (and yourself)!

Question: How often do you let your husband know you are grateful for him?

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim at Too Darn Happy

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Kim Hall

Writer
Kim Hall created Too Darn Happy with the mission of helping you find happiness in all circumstances through the encouragement of faith, the practice of gratitude, and the discovery of joy, all spun together with fresh perspectives, practical advice, and a personal touch. She recently authored her first ebook, Practicing Gratitude and Discovering Joy-30 Days to a Happier You.

 

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  • http://www.encourageyourspouse.com/ Lori Ferguson

    Great question, Kim – how often do we let our husband know we value him…

    I imagine being aware of saying “thank you” as often as possible is important as a beginning. We say it to strangers, why not our husband!

    Rob and I have this quirky response to “how are you” when we are together. If he asks me “how are you”, I respond, “I’m next to great”. (Get it?). He’s beside me… :-)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      You are so right! We say it to strangers every time they do something kind so why not our husbands?

    • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

      I love that response, Lori. “I’m next to great.” Heh.

      I agree that “thank you” is a great beginning. I think we are more likely, unfortunately, to extend kindness to a stranger than to our spouse. Offering the same warmth and compassion to our hubbies is important!

  • Iman

    i just loved the idea, will start this from my marriage anniversary after few days and give this as a gift next year to my husband

    • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

      Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for sharing!

  • Pamela Wright

    Love this post as I’m a firm believer in taking time to be grateful – my husband is always number one as he helps me be grateful even on days that seem dreadful.

    • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

      Your husband sounds like an absolute peach, Pamela! He is your own personal gratitude coach. :-)

  • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

    Kim! I was giving this exact advice yesterday. Gratitude! YES. Amen! IT WORKS!

    • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

      Heh. Great minds and all that. :-)
      Yes, it does. We can get complacent, or irritated, or just forgetful, but still we can go back to gratitude, and it always is so powerful!