4 Ways to Find the Sweet Spot in Your Marriage!

By Tracey Goss on Wednesday, October 30, 2013

4 Ways to Find the Sweet Spot in Your Marriage

Love, love, love Tracey Goss!  She’s incredibly funny.  A brilliant writer.  A husband-adoring wife.  And a proud momma.

She’s also the sister of our health & fitness editor, Olympian and fitness expert, Annett Davis.  And you know we love us some Annett Davis around here!

Pull up a seat.  Grab your cup of coffee.  And enjoy the beauty and wisdom of this post.

Oh!  And the “Turn off, Turn in, Tune in, Turn on,” is common sense at its best.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Have you found the sweet spot in your marriage?  

Maybe I should have titled this post The Ultimate Guide To Finding The Sweet Spot In Your Marriage because what I am sharing with you today is exactly what propelled my marriage from mediocre -declining as fast as my debit card right before payday- to one of the greatest joys of my life!

1. Rose-Colored Glasses.  Sure I know the idiom “she’s looking at him through rose-colored glasses” is used as a condescending dig. I remember the moment I reached for the pair of rose-colored glasses which had been tucked away a few years after I said “I do.”

Looking through those magical lenses helps me to see all of the positives that drew me to my husband in the first place as well as some additional bonuses that have developed over the years. That grey hair he has acquired around his temples drives me wild!

2. My Momma Taught Me to Take My Seat!  The artist formerly known as Prince had it right when he penned these words, “I don’t care where we go and I don’t care what we do.  Just take me with you!”  As you might have gathered by the title of tip number two, my mother was responsible for Prince’s platinum single.  Well, not really, but her marital advice has proven to be worth more than platinum.  She advised me to say “yes” whenever my husband invites me to join him – wherever he goes. Time together no matter where it is spent is precious.

3. If You Can’t Say Something Nice, Say Something Funny!  That’s our new mantra!  One of the best ways to avoid being entrenched in a heated conversation is not to worry about making a point nor having your way.  Forget your pride and don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself.

Recently, my handsome hubby spontaneously asked me to prepare and take our kids to school on a day which was originally deemed “dad’s day” to drive.  (You know the drill, pack the lunches, make sure the uniforms are ready to go, and oh yeah – get yourself dressed and ready for work as well.)

At this point, I had three options:

  1. Sanctimoniously give him a speech about the importance of making said request the night before at the latest (the old respect my time whine).
  2. Give him the silent treatment, which I am not particularly good at nor fond of.
  3. Don’t take myself or the situation so seriously.

I decided to join him in the kitchen (where he was loading the dishwasher, to lighten the load he had just dumped on me) and tell him how hot he looked sharing the housework with me in his boxer briefs.  We both had a great laugh and enjoyed each others company for the rest of the morning.  We began our day with a wink and a smile instead of a snark and the stink eye.

4. Turn Off, Turn in, Tune in, Turn On.  This is probably one of the most universally ignored bits of common sense with which woman-kind has been blessed.  Turn off the computer, washer, television, telephone, reading lamp, Kindle or whatever is usurping your last bit of energy.  Turn in to bed with your hubby, so you can tune in to one another.  Leave some gas in your tank for him so that you can turn on your “love engine” and I guarantee you, you’ll enjoy the drive!

Your Turn: We all have our own directions to finding that sweet spot in marriage.  I’d love to hear how you stay the course and manage the bumps in the road on the way to marital bliss! Let us know below in the comments.

Your fellow Happy Wife, Tracey Goss, the “Ringmaster” @3BrosFlyingCircus.com

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Tracey Goss

Tracey Goss is Ringmaster of the 3 Bros Flying Circus. Her weekly blog celebrates the fact that her home life will never be quiet, tame or very organized; but it will always be filled with love and laughter. She is mom to three hilarious boys and wife to her handsome hubby. This mom with a Mac is on a mission to embrace life's imperfect moments with grace and a smile.

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comment Policy
  • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

    Seriously! Love this: “Turn off, turn in, tune in, turn on. Now, that ought to be all our mottos.

    • Tracey Goss

      Handsome Hubby LOVES this one. I am a night owl and he is an morning bird. It took me a while to realize sacrificing late night “me time” was a tremendous investment in “we time!”

      • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

        Thanks, Tracey, for not only writing this great blog post but being engaged in the community and responding to everyone’s comments. That’s what this club is all about!

    • Bahia

      The tough thing for us tho, is that it’s role reversal in our home. He stays up later than me & it takes longer for him to get ready for bed, even tho every night, I would welcome being close to him. We have talked about it numerous times, over the last 2.5 years… Our success is always short-lived. It’s very sad to me. I don’t feel like a priority.

  • m

    simply love it we tend to get so busy that we neglect each other especially now that I am expecting my 2nd born to be honest I don’t always feel like going when he invites me but I make sure he knows what will be waiting when he returns home so I am in love with “Turn off, turn in, tune in, and turn on”

    • Tracey Goss

      LOVE IT!

  • Jillian Riley

    I love, love, love I will go anywhere… It’s football season and I need to say yes more often. That alone would increase our time together!

    • Elsa

      That’s so true – easy for me to say because I enjoy the footy, but we want our hubby’s to go shopping with us occasionally, we should also give him the respect of enjoying something he likes with him. That’s a real biggy, actually, as so many of my hubby’s mates “aren’t allowed” to go to the footy because their wives don’t’ like it – so to actually go with your hubby would I’m sure be awesome for him :)

  • Crissy

    i LOVE all these, One of my things I do is leave little notes for him to find and there are those days that things happen then he finds one and things get a lot better. :)

    • Annett Davis

      Great one Crissy! Where do you leave your little notes? I’d love to use that idea. :)

      • Rachel Alexandre

        I do notes too! I leave them in his lunch box =-)

    • sunnymolls

      I usually leave the house before my husband and I love to leave a note on his car radio. I just pop it in his car on the way to my own. I’ve left notes on the toilet paper roll, bathroom mirror and his ipod. It’s fun to think of new places!

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    Your fresh perspectives are such simple and great reminders that will bless our marriages in big ways!
    Responding with humor is not generally our go-to response when we are irritated, but you are so right: it does so much to diffuse a potentially nasty situation.
    Thanks so much for sharing, and what a pleasure to meet you!

    • Tracey Goss

      Thank you Kim. We’ve found humor to be the great diffuser! We also look much younger when we are smiling. Laughter really is a major ingredient in the glue that helps to bond my family together.

  • Rachel Alexandre

    I too love the rose colored glasses. There is so much negativity out there that sometimes its hard to find the positives. There are so many positives that we don’t see or don’t focus on because we are all caught up in the world. So much has changed, and there are so many more reasons I love my husband. We’ve been married for 7 years and he can still make me laugh and giggle like a school girl!

    • Tracey Goss

      May you be blessed with decades filled with Rose Colored perspective!

  • Elsa

    My husband and I are expecting our first bub, and I’ve found it’s made us do number 4 on the list – we go to bed early, just so we can lay with his hand on my belly as he plays with and talks to our baby. It makes us feel that much closer as well – definitely want to try and continue with something similar after the baby is born!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Congratulations, Elsa! That is so exciting.

  • Debbie Holden Murrain

    I love all of these, we do some but am definitely gonna work on the other suggestions, no more staying home for me

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      :)

  • Avt123

    Yesterday, on our way home from a mini family vacay, my husband got into a fender-bender. Instead of overreacting and ruining our fun weekend, we made sure everyone was ok, filled out the report with the cops and found the humor in it. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Absolutely!

  • Michelle Zamora

    I started a journal one night when I was so angry with my husband shortly after we were married. Rather than pondering on the things he did WRONG, I chose to write the things he did RIGHT. I began to write the things he did that made me feel loved or that I loved that he did. Within minutes I had 100 things written down!! I continue writing them as the day go on & each day I text him one, so he knows all the wonderful things he does! One of my personal favorites: #256 HE WOKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SINGING A SONG TO ME

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Isn’t amazing how a shift in our own attitude can change the actions of another? Thanks for sharing, Michelle.

  • Leslie Anne

    If I have a particular beef with my husband over an undone task, a purposefully overlooked mess- or personal peeve- I tell him two or three amazing things I love about him, or how I appreciate him before I point out that he never fully does the dishes (leaves crumbs and peanut butter smears, pans in the sink and cheese on the oven) or that he will eat two boxes of cereal and leave them out on the counter…. (the list goes on)
    But because I say how much I love him first, I ask him gently to work on the peeve list… we barely ever have stupid little arguments over dishes or cereal anymore!