The #1 Secret to a Happy Marriage {bet you can guess it!}

By Fawn Weaver on Friday, October 18, 2013

The No. 1 Secret to a Happy Marriage

I know I’m making a bold declaration by claiming I may know the #1 secret to a happy marriage.  But hear me out.

Last year, with the backing of an awesome publisher (thanks, Thomas Nelson!), I traveled to 18 cities in 12 countries on 6 continents to interview couples happily married -25 years or more- to deduce the common denominator among them.

When I first launched the Happy Wives Club in 2010, I had a column on the site called Sage Wisdom.  For those of you who have been reading since that time, you probably remember that was my favorite section.

For that column, I would interview women happily married for more than a quarter of a century and share their timeless advice.  

What I discovered in those interviews and in conversations with the women of this wonderful club, was no matter where a person resided in the world -and regardless of primary language, religion, socioeconomic status, culture or upbringing- they all sounded the same.

It was as if they grew up in the same household and all learned the principles to a happy and lifelong marriage together.  Some of their responses were uncannily similar. So much so that it got me thinking:

Is it possible there is a universal secret to a happy marriage and these couples know what it is and would be willing to share it?

That question fueled what would become a six-month long journey.  As a former hotel general manager for a Hilton-family property, and former manager for Starwood, I’d made friends from all over the world.  I contacted the ones I respected the most and asked these two questions:

“When I mention the phrases, ‘happy marriage’ and ‘still in love after all these years,’ who is the couple that instantly comes to mind?  If I were to come to your community, who would be the one couple everyone would vouch for as being 100-percent genuine and would say their love has stood the test of time?”

Asking those two questions was enlightening.  First, I learned that each of my friends could easily think of that one couple.  And second, I quickly realized that beyond that one couple, many couldn’t think of another like them.

So I reached out to each of the couples recommended -in Canada, South Africa, Mauritius, Croatia, Australia, New Zealand, and so many other places around the globe- and asked if they’d be willing to open up their lives to me and share their marital secrets of success. 

By the time I arrived at my 7th country, I knew I was on to something very special.  I hosted a tea with 10 Filipina women from the Happy Wives Club, with the youngest marriage being a year old and the oldest being just shy of her 34th anniversary. 

While sitting there, I asked Erlinda (the woman married the longest) the same question I’d asked everyone on my travels before her: “What is the one thing you would say is of the utmost importance for every marriage, the one thing every couple must do?”

Without pausing for even a full second, she responded.  Mutual respect.  “Every couple must have mutual respect.”  

At the sound of those two words, I turned to all the other women seated around the table enjoying banana bread and tea, ”I have been to seven countries so far, you are my eighth.  And the first answer given when I ask that question has been the same in every single country.”

“That just gave me chills,” Mai, the newlywed of the group, said while rubbing her arms as if to generate warmth.

All-in-all, I discovered 12 common denominators -universal truths, if you will- between all the couples I interviewed.  So now, when someone asks me, “Is there a universal secret to a happy marriage?” I’m able to answer with confidence.  Yes.  Absolutely.  There are at least 12 of them.

If you’re interested in learning more about my journey, and the universal secrets to a happy marriage I learned along the way, you can start by downloading the first four chapters for free.  

The book, entitled Happy Wives Club: One Woman’s Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, went on presale today, and for incredibly selfish reasons, I’d be so honored if you would click here to learn more about it.  Of course, you can also pre-order the book (**wink wink**) for you and your closest girlfriends (Amazon and Barnes & Noble have the book on presale TODAY for 25% off), which would serve two purposes:  

First, it would reassure me that this amazing journey and all the weeks away from home, were well worth the cost.  And secondly, that each of us believe, no matter how beautiful our marriage, we can always make it better.  Going from good to great and from great to extraordinary.  That’s what this life -and marriage- is all about.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • PC

    You’ve been to Mauritius? That’s where I grew up! So interesting that it was included in your trip. Wht did you think of Mauritius and of Mauritians?

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      The MOST beautiful island I have been to so far. In the book, I wrote the words that were written in French on the hotel key packet where I stayed while there: “‘Dieu créa l’ ile Maurice, puis le Paradis à son image,’ a sentiment borrowed from Mark Twain’s work Following the Equator. The translation according to my hotel key packet, ‘You gather the idea that Mauritius was made first, and then Heaven; and that heaven was copied after Mauritius.’ From where I was standing, Twain’s take was pretty believable”.

  • Darlene Barnett

    Thanks for the sneak peek at your book, Fawn. I love it! I’ve already ordered it on Amazon and can’t wait for it to arrive in January. Thank you so much for encouraging women to love their husbands and to enjoy the blessing of marriage.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oh, Darlene – thank you! I’m a little ball of nerves over here right now! You put your heart and something so personal out there and you hope and pray it will be a blessing to others. Thanks again! <3

  • Courtney Joseph

    Woohooo! So excited for this book to launch :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Such a sweetheart! Thank you, Courtney! I’m sure you can relate to the nervousness I’m experiencing right now :) . Butterflies are a-flutterin!

  • surabhi surendra

    Hello Fawn, I am a huge fan of your blog for years but today is my first comment here. I am glad I am writing to you when your book goes live! Will surely order it, Infact I have been waiting for it since the first time you announced your travel+writing plans. My heart felt wishes to you :) I am downloading the chapters (can’t wait to read).. will write to you once again after finishing them.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oh, thank you! Thank you! I think we’ve chatted before on email via the newsletter, right?

      • surabhi surendra

        Yes, yes, yes!! :) You made my day Fawn. Love you. :) God bless you. :)

        • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          I knew I recognized your name! So nice to chat with you here. Thank you much. <3

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    Absolutely! A foundation of mutual respect encourages honesty, empathy, humor, and so much more. As a wife who has been married for 30 years, I am so appreciative of all the goodness that flows from my husband’s respect for me.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Ditto here (on everything but the 30 years part – I’m chasing you on that one :) )!

    • Nancy

      That is so true, as (six month) newly weds, my husband and I are determined to have a ridiculously happy and healthy marriage. It’s so helpful to see and hear so many couples in HAPPY marriages, not okay, or getting by but HAPPY. I can’t wait to get your book! So excited.

  • Annett Davis

    I just pre-ordered my book! :) Can’t wait to get it in the mail. Congrats again Fawn, it will bless many, I’m sure. Keep sharing your passion for marriage and showing us that being a Happy Wife is possible (it’s a choice).

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Annett! You rock like crazy :) .

  • Liz and Ryan Bower

    LOVE LOVE LOVE This book idea!!! We just recently started our own similar project to photograph and learn from real couples. We can’t wait to learn what you found out throughout your journey. So often the only thing seen in the media is the sad and bitter end of marriages. It’s so exciting and encouraging to see a project focused on the happiness and success stories of marriages. Love can succeed and marriages can last forever! We are definitely going to go order our very own copy of your book right now!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Yeah!! Thanks, Liz and Ryan! Will you shoot me an email (fawn@happywivesclub.com) and share your project with me. Love to know about things like that!

  • Pamela Wright

    Hi Fawn, chapters downloaded and can’t wait for the book. It’s so great to hear such positive things about marriage and to know there are lots of people around the world with this sort of outlook. After 14 years of marriage I still love being married and constantly find new things about my beloved to love and respect.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Yeah!! Looking forward to hearing what you think, Pamela. It’s not like a normal “marriage book.” It’s a journey, and I take you with me -letting us both learn the principles at the exact same time. Hopefully, everyone will enjoy the uniqueness of such a different concept. <3

  • Still DatingMySpouse

    Loved this! Oh I got goose bumps reading about you traveling & talking to wives & the universal statement is Mutual Respect….Oh yes Oh yes I can’t wait to read your book. Thanks for all you do for wives & marriages!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Yeah! So bummed I missed meeting you at the blogger conference in Atlanta, GA.

  • http://www.momsmustardseeds.com/ Rebecca Brandt

    Yes – this is so true. My husband and I have made it through many things – mutual respect with a focus on Christ…

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      I love to meet couples who have been through the storms and come out stronger than ever. Yeah!

  • Rayni Peavy

    Fawn, this is a great article. And what fun to travel to all those countries to talk with women about marriage. Good for you!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Rayni! <3

  • http://www.trueagape.com/ Cassie

    Wow! Exciting! Very neat process to create a book. Interested to read the stories from around the world!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Yeah, Cassie – the opportunity of a lifetime! Did you pre-order the book? Keep the receipt because we’ll be doing some really cool giveaways and you’ll be able to email your receipt in to enter (stay tuned for details on that one… :) )

      • http://www.trueagape.com/ Cassie

        Awesome!

  • April Doherty

    I just pre-ordered and saw it doesn’t come out until January 7th! I NEED IT NOW! I’m totally digging the idea and cannot wait to read the pre-released chapters! :)

  • Rhiannon

    So excited for you that you wrote a book! I’m definitely going to pre order it. I can’t wait to read it and find out what the happiest couples say are their secrets. That must have been exciting to meet them. Success leaves clues. Such a great idea!