8 Ways to Increase Your Marriage IQ

Did you know genetics only account for fifty percent of a person’s intelligence quotient (IQ)?  The other fifty percent can be increased year after year through training and intentionality.  

That got me thinking.  What about a person’s marriage IQ?  

When researching articles (like this one) on how to increase your IQ, I noticed they all gave similar suggestions.  And almost all of those ideas could be applied to increasing the knowledge of one’s spouse and how to make marriage even better.

So let’s get to it!  Here are 8 ways to increase your marriage IQ:

1. Begin Your Day Off Right. In marriage, it’s not the right breakfast that increases your IQ; it’s enjoying it together.  Some aren’t big breakfast people (hubby and I certainly aren’t), don’t worry, you can have the same impact by beginning each day together with a cup of java or tea.  

If mornings don’t work, try setting the time aside at the end of your day.  Either way, what’s most important is this time together -daily- can help you stay in tune with your spouse and marriage.  

2. Stay Fit & Keep Your Heart Healthy.  Everyone repeat after me: “Endorphins!”  These little neurotransmitters pass along signals from one neuron to the next.  

Exercising (and sex!) release endorphins which help to lower stress, are natural pain killers, and give an instant boost to your happiness.  There is absolutely no downside to staying fit and Sexercise will double the benefit.

3. Keep & Review a Daily Journal. Keeping a Why I Love My Husband list or creating a gratitude journal specific to your spouse will keep your spirits high, even when they’re thinking about taking you low.  

If your hubby does something that disappoints you or hurts your feelings, just flip open the journal to what wonderful things you wrote about him the day before and be reminded to not the sweat the small stuff.  You married an awesome person.  You said so yourself…just hours earlier.

4. Take a Break.  Which one among us doesn’t need a mental break; an intentional time of recharging our mental batteries.  For my hubby and me, we set aside twenty-four hours each week when we do absolutely, positively no work.  This has been our saving grace, especially, in our busier seasons.  Initially, it might seem odd not working for an entire day.  But I promise, your marriage will soon thank you.

5. Don’t Get Bored.  Mindless surfing of channels and the internet is time that could be much better spent actually doing something (resting, by the way, is something).  Rather than vegging out in front of a television, try whipping out the Scrabble board and going toe-to-toe in fun competition.

To increase your IQ, experts recommend a Rubik’s cube.  To increase your marriage IQ, we recommend anything that will get you talking and enjoying one another often and intentionally.  Here are some great ideas from SheKnows for this activity.

6. Life Long Learning.  Whatever you do, never stop learning!  Reading books on marriage (and then implementing the suggestions that relate to your own) is one of the fastest and most efficient ways to increase your marriage IQ.  

Books like Dr. Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music (for sex), Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (for communication) and Laura Doyle’s The Surrendered Wife (balance of power) have helped more marriages than I can count.  I can’t tell you how many marriage books I’ve read over the years and each one has had a gem in it I could immediately apply to my own.

7. Meditation.  If your brain goes from 0-to-60 in .05 seconds like mine, this is something that will be incredibly beneficial to you.  Praying is a form of meditation.  Laying or sitting still and clearing your mind is another.  Deep inhales and exhales can be a form of meditation, as well.  

The bottom line is it helps you -at any time- slow down your day.  That reduction of stress can only increase the pleasure in the time you spend with your husband.  

8. Find a Marriage Mentor.  There is no greater way to learn how to take your marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary than by surrounding yourself with others who have already walked the road you’re currently traveling.  I previously wrote an entire post on the 5 reasons you should have a marriage mentor and highly recommend it.

As is the case with intelligence, increasing your marital IQ isn’t required in order to have a great marriage.  But why not give it a try anyhow?

QUESTION: What other ways do you think one can increase their marriage IQ (intellect and knowledge of spouse and pleasure in their marriage)?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

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