8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

By Christine St. Vil on Wednesday, December 18, 2013

8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

Every now and again, I receive a guest post that makes me stand up and cheer.  Maybe not literally, but while I’m reading it I begin saying to myself, “Yes, yes, yes!”  

This post by one of our newest HWC contributors, Christine St. Vil, is just that.  It’s short…actually, quite a bit shorter than the usual, but oh so mighty!

She hits the nail on the head and punctuates it with advice from her parents who have been happily married for more 47 years.  

Just three years from their golden anniversary…I’m definitely heeding their advice!

There are so many important ingredients in the recipe for a happy marriage, and the ingredients and spices you use in your recipe might be completely different than what I use in mine.

But what I love about posts like this is I’m reminded to stay focused on my own recipe and keep on perfecting it.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I can’t help but feel so excited to be a part of such an awesome community as HWC! It’s a place where bragging about my husband will never get old. Yes folks, happy wives really do exist (and I’m one of them)!

For many couples, we really do enjoy being married, and yes, we really are happy.

Here are 8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

1.  A happy wife knows how to FLY (First Love Yourself). I know this is not the first time you’re hearing it, but it’s really important: you cannot be happy or love someone else in any relationship, if you are unhappy and unloving to yourself. It all starts from within.

2.  A happy wife expresses love to her spouse. She shows her spouse love by having an attitude of gratitude. She tells him how much she appreciates even the smallest of contributions and support.

3.  A happy wife respects her spouse. Regardless of differences of opinions, she never engages in name calling or disrespectful behavior towards her spouse.

4.  A happy wife surrounds herself with other happy wives. And she’s not ashamed of distancing herself from unhappy or bitter wives. She knows she can lean on other happy wives for prayer and support.

5.  A happy wife treats her marriage like a ministry. Regardless of your religious affiliation, marriage is a ministry. It’s designed for you to serve your spouse. When you focus on making your husband happy, he will naturally do the same for you.

6.  A happy wife knows which battles are worth picking. Is it really worth the nagging that turns into fussing if you know he’s never going to remember to put the toilet seat down? Hanging on to the smaller idiosyncrasies can prohibit you from seeing that he did the dishes without asking, or took out the trash without the daily reminder.

7.  A happy wife is okay admitting when she’s wrong. This was a tough one for me early on because I was one who really hated to be wrong and still do at times. But the difference now is that I can own up to my faults and I can admit when I’m wrong. Humility goes a long way. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes.

8.  A happy wife knows when it’s time to let go. I interviewed my parents recently as they celebrated 47 years of marriage and this was one of their tips for reaching this milestone: They have the understanding that nobody is perfect, and they don’t expect each other to be. But nothing is more important than the sustainability of their union.

Are you a happy wife? What key would you add to this list?

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Christine St. Vil

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities. Sign up at MomsNCharge.com for her FREE audio: The Truth About Mom Guilt: 3 Tips to Getting Over it so You Can FLY (First Love Yourself).

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comment Policy
  • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

    Ooooooh I love FLY – First Love Yourself….totally Brilliant and true! Great post!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Me too! That’s what I thought the moment I saw “FLY”. Sort of like your Vitamin F2… I just love hanging out with brilliant women!

      • Christine St.Vil

        I feel the same way being in your circle Fawn so thanks so much for having me! :)

    • Christine St.Vil

      Aww thanks so much Maggie! I appreciate that :)

  • Michelle Barbour

    Mine goes along with number 7, My husband and I BOTH use the phrase “you were right and I was wrong” when warranted. I said it once while in front of a friend and she looked at me and said “oh no, you NEVER say that!” all I responded with was “we do.” It can be an extremely hard phrase for some people but I will admit- it is fun to hear!

    • Christine St.Vil

      Hi Michelle! I completely agree. It can definitely be hard to hear but on the flip side oh so nice to hear LOL :)

  • Gwendoline

    My husband and I stand together during stormy times and we never give up on each other no matter what. We are each others strength and comfort. That is something very important to have in a marriage and that is one of the reasons why we have a wonderful and strong marriage.

    A happy wife never gives up on her husband when he is going through a rough patch. She stands by him.

    • Christine St.Vil

      That is an excellent addition Gwendoline! It’s so easy to bail when things aren’t going as planned, so never giving up on your husband is so important. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Cledra McCullers

    As a woman about to get married I am just TOO HAPPY to have found the HAPPY WIVES CLUB and Christine your article was FULL of GREAT strategies! THANK YOU!!! Strong desire to FLY because I believe that’s the first step. GREAT ARTICLE!!!!

    • Christine St.Vil

      Yay!! CONGRATS Cledra, so happy for you! Welcome to the club :) Thanks so much for your kind words and for stopping by :)

  • LorelynTurtosaDumaug

    I am a happy wife because I choose it always. It is not , I am without trials as a wife, I have full of it, including battling against my own weakness and failings , but also as to my husband’s nature, which I must deal with, even as they hurt me, without him meaning it… I think the next thing would be that: In moments when you are in low point in marriage, never forget the God, to whom you can share your trials with and in this way, you will not expose your husband’s fault to others but to God alone, and God alone too can alter your husband’s soul.

    • Christine St.Vil

      I always have to remind myself that I am always in choice regardless of the circumstances. Thank you so much for sharing Lorelyn. I love “The Power of a Praying Wife” for that reason because there have been times we don’t see eye to eye, but I know that God will allow us to get to a common ground :)

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    A simple, practical and powerful list, Christine! I think surrounding yourself with happy wives is so important, but I have found it to be quite a challenge in the past. That’s one of the reasons I love what Fawn has created here and with her book. Hooray for Happy Wives, and nice to meet you!

    • Christine St.Vil

      Thank you so much! I absolutely agree with you Kim about it being a challenge! That is why I am equally excited about HWC. While I’ve been able to surround myself with a few key ones, this community Fawn has created is just phenomenal. So nice to meet you as well :)

  • Heath Wiggins

    Great post. I’m going to refill my wife about this site because she is a happy wife.

    • Christine St.Vil

      Thank you Heath! Yes, please do tell your wife and have her join the HWC :)

  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Strong and mighty words for sure. These alone can go a looong way in a marriage!

    I think one thing to include is to focus on serving rather than being served, and really, all of these things encompass that as a whole. But sometimes we need to hear the words outright. Don’t focus on what your husband can do for you, but what you can do for him. Very often, the husband will end up reciprocating. But keep your motives in check because if that’s the only reason you serve (in order to be served), you’ll likely be disappointed and frustrated. Serve because you LOVE. Period. Expect nothing and you cannot be disappointed. Now THAT’S selfless! (And not always easy, I assure you!) :)

    • ivette

      This lesson was a hard one to learn! But once I stopped nagging and waiting, I started actually being happy and appreciating my husband. The saying that a marriage if not 50/50 but is instead both parties giving 100% starts with you. Your husband will notice your dedication with your actions not your words. And if he if is the wonderful man you chose to marry, he’ll follow your lead.

    • Christine St.Vil

      That’s exactly right Christin which is what I refer to in #5 in terms of ministry. You hit the nail on the head: “keep your motives in check because if that’s the only reason you serve (in order to be served), you’ll likely be disappointed and frustrated. Serve because you LOVE. Period. Expect nothing and you cannot be disappointed” -> LOVE it! :)

      • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

        Yes, you did write about serving! Ha ha! One of those mama days that it must have totally escaped me!

  • Mrs. W

    Remember why you love your spouse. Write it down if you have to. Talk to your spouse. Long periods of silence are not beneficial, but hurtful to a relationship. Be a team. My husband and I always say that its US against the world.

    • Christine St.Vil

      I agree Mrs. W! And when people see that united front, they can’t shake it no matter how hard they try.

  • Theresa

    I love love love your writing!! We are married 7 yrs.. army wife… We’ve weathered many many separations due to deployments, training, school… and have 4 littles. We often get comments that we radiate happiness, or still act like newly in love couple. Our golden rule has always been to be united no matter the distance or disagreement we work together, we stand by eachother always, we trust eachother, and we dont bad mouth our spouse to our friends or family. We never go to bed angry. We hash things out til we find a compromise something we can both agree on. Most importantly we love with everything we have bc tomorrow is never guaranteed. Never stop loving your spouse continue to find reasons to fall in love with him over and over again, and always put them first before anyone else.

    • Christine St.Vil

      Thank you so much Theresa! That golden rule you share is so valuable and so important! I really love that, thanks for sharing. I love finding reasons to fall in love over and over again :)

  • Diaryofa1stTimeMom

    I’m not married (yet), but this is a great article to return to after I say I do. In the meantime, I will focus on what makes a happy single woman. This is great advice that can be applied to all relationships/friendships, etc.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Love it! Yes, the single years are the best time to work on happiness from the inside out. An unhappy single woman makes an unhappy married women because marriage only exacerbates what’s going on inside.

    • Christine St.Vil

      Thanks so much for sharing @diaryofa1sttimemom:disqus! I definitely agree and ditto to what Fawn already said :)

  • http://www.cherigregory.com/ Cheri Gregory

    I see why Fawn was cheering — what a great list! I wish I’d understood #1 and #5 twenty-five years ago rather than learning them the oh-so-hard way. Grateful for grace, that’s for sure!

    I’ll add that a happy wife gives her husband a safe place to land, a refuge he’s eager to return to.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oooooh…that one is goood!

    • Christine St.Vil

      Aww thank you so much Cheri!! I definitely think marriage is a “learn as you go” and like Fawn said: finding a recipe that works for you :) But I absolutely LOVE your addition, so important!

  • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

    From a Happy Husband who stops by the Happy Wives Club from time to time I am happy to see your post on here, @christinestvil:disqus!! And it is a GREAT post at that! Definitely sharing with my happy wife! :) Thanks for sharing, and I hope to see more Happy Wives Club posts from the Mom ‘N Charge. :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      If I have anything to do with it, Jackie, you will definitely be seeing more articles from Mom N’ Charge here!

      • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

        Awesome, Fawn! Her articles will definitely add to the already amazing things you are doing here at Happy Wives Club! I love it, and more Happy Wives will mean more Happy Husbands! :)

        • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          Thanks, Jackie! And the world could certainly use more happy husbands like yourself.

        • Christine St.Vil

          I absolutely agree with that! We can always use more happy husbands and wives! This is the stuff they don’t show on TV…

      • Christine St.Vil

        Aww y’all are making me blush! :) Writing about my hubby is one of the easiest things for me to do, so I’m happy to keep on writing Fawn :)

    • Christine St.Vil

      Aww thanks so much Jackie for stopping by and sharing! I know all too well the happy marriage you share with your happy wife because it’s so inspiring to see! I appreciate your words of encouragement :)

      • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

        My pleasure!

  • Debbie

    We never give up on each other. We always forgive and move forward. We are each other’s number one support.

  • Joni

    From my experience, it’s important to pay for your husband every day. Also to stand in his corner when no one else will. Thanks for an awesome post!

    • Joni

      Pray*

      • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

        Absolutely! Great addition.

  • Mrs.w

    I have been married almost 7 years to an army veteran he has ptsd and a tramatic brain injury so its hard on me sometimes I wish we could do more fun things as a married couple I know we need it we have been fighting an name calling and just flat out hurting each other I dont want that I want a happy marriage and to be a loving wife

  • Claudia

    5 years in marriage, and we feel like strangers to each others 80% of the time, our interests has become a job, not something to look forward to. Its been tough the last couple of years between us, and we have said many times before that we want to walk out on each other, also having a temperamental 4 year old is also not easy when things are not going very well. They say if you don’t have God in your relationship you don’t have anything, I gave up on the fighting and arguing, I rather turn to God in prayer for answers – founding this page made me so happy I truly feel blessed now one step closer to being as happy as once before. I cannot wait to go and by my first book to start on the reading!!

  • Josee Madison

    I love this! It’s so true! Thank you!