5 Secrets to Maintaining Your Happiness {even when you long for more}

By Fawn Weaver on Tuesday, May 7, 2013

5 Secrets to Maintaining Your Happiness {even when you long for more}

Have you ever longed for something that seemed as though it might never come?  Did you find it difficult to keep your inner peace and happiness during this time? 

Maintaining your happiness -even when you desire more- is not only possible, it can begin today.

When Keith and I married in 2003, not in a million years could we have predicted 10 years later we’d still be without children.  We picked out our son’s name 7 years ago.  We easily agreed on our daughter’s name, as well.  As of today, we still have neither. 

The doctors have told us our options are IUI or IVF and it’s quite possible neither will work.  But here is the important point.  In spite of this desire unattained, we are still overwhelmingly happy.

I’ve often heard the stories of women who long to have a child so badly they make everyone, especially their husbands, miserable in the waiting. 

It doesn’t have to be that way.  It shouldn’t be that way.  There is so much life has to offer in the meantime. 

Here are 5 secrets to remaining happy, even in the midst of waiting for something you desperately desire:

1. Remain in the present. I know this is so much easier said than done but this is the single most important thing you can do to create and sustain happiness in your life.  Dr. Richard Carlson (author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff) did a brilliant job laying this out in his bestselling book, You Can be Happy No Matter What.

2. Be grateful for what you have at this moment.  Keith and I have not been able to reproduce and are undergoing fertility treatments (that may or may not eventually work) but our focus is not on this aspect of our lives.  Our focus, and gratitude, is centered on everything we currently have and there is so much to be grateful for in this moment.

3. Trust that you do not currently have because you are not yet ready.  In life, we go through many seasons and each one is meant to teach us important lessons about who we are and how to best love those around us.  To believe you have not yet received because you are not ready is humbling but also a great relief.  The latter because it confirms that you have exactly what you were built to have in this very moment.

4. Look at the adversity as a building block for your marriage.  Keith and I are a united front on all issues, including this one.  Joining together as a team to combat adversity (not against each other but the two of you against the challenge) builds and strengthens your marriage.  It’s the “us against the world” mentality that causes the relationship to be closer than close.

5. Thank God for desires unfulfilled.  We do not yet know the reason we don’t have children. But what we do know is when we look back at other desires that went unfulfilled, we’re so thankful for each one.  So we have to trust we will look back at this time in our lives and be equally grateful.  Garth Brooks says it so much better than I ever could with his song, Unanswered Prayers.

 If you believe you need more than what you have to be happy, you never will.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • keltrinswife

    Yes–you can be happy no matter what!!! Thank you for this reminder. I believe marriage is more than making us parents, but it can be easy to lose sight of that! Be blessed;)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yes, it can. Thank you so much for your comment!

  • Guest

    .

  • http://twitter.com/AdriMS Adrienne Szewczyk

    Thanks for this encouraging, uplifting post!! :)

    My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and we haven’t been blessed with children yet. I try to focus on the positive (that even without children we have a great life together and are so blissfully happy), but it can be hard. Truthfully, waiting for children has enriched our faith and helped us rely on the Lord so much more than we have in the past. When I keep that in mind, it is easier to cope.

    Have you ever looked into NaPro technology? We are just starting to explore it. I hear it is more effective (higher success rates) than IUI and IVF because it treats the underlying cause of infertility.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks! We haven’t looked into NaPro but did seek out one of the top fertility doctors in the world and based on his assessment, we’re pursuing IUI and IVF. But I must admit, we’re not too focused on it. If it happens, it happens. If not, we were either meant to adopt or be a family of two. Both of those options make us smile just as much as having children so we’ll see what happens. Thank you so much for sharing this. <3

    • Mrs G

      Hey, me too! 3 years of marriage and still without children. We spent 2012 doing fertility treatments (not yet the ivf stage), then we decided to quit. For 2 reasons: the treatments were not addressing the real causes of the infertility (pcos and endometriosis) and we felt that life was turning around infertility (medical tests and counselling). Not worth it. We decided to stop and focus on nutrition and holistic remedies. And ourselves. Probably we’ll stay without children, but we’ll focus on our couple and on what we have rather than on what we don’t have.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bridget.cook.98 Bridget Cook

    Thank you for your post! In waiting for a Christian husband, I have grown so much and realized that I was actually idolizing marriage and needed to depend more on God. I think wherever we are in life, we will be waiting. Some things come easier to some than others. One thing I have noticed is that even when we don’t get what we think we want, God never leaves us alone but fills those gaps for us through others and service. Of course, we have our days but God told us to “Rejoice!” meaning now not when you get to a certain point in life. Thank you again!!! You and your husband’s relationship is the kind I see mine to be :-)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      I can’t tell you how much I love seeing your note here! Five years before I met my husband, I read a book by my mother called Knight in Shining Armor. It suggested women go “under construction” for 6 months to focus solely on becoming whole (without dating to distract). The best 6 months ever! I came through that experience very clear about the kind of husband I wanted and when the right one came along, I knew in an instant.

  • Katie

    Such truth! Sometimes it’s hard to find the balance though between waiting with thankfulness and joy, and knowing when to take action.
    I always feel compelled to mention the nutrition component when I read a post about infertility, just in case someone doesn’t already know about it, since so many women experience infertility due to hormone imbalances and inadequate nutrients. Just in case anyone reading might benefit:
    http://nourishedkitchen.com/foods-for-fertility/

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Oh, thank you so much Katie! In our case, nutrition isn’t a factor but I am so grateful for you being ind enough to share this with me. <3

  • Tammy Renzi

    Fawn, what a brave and thoughtful post. There are many women out there who are hurting, and it is so important to know they too can be happy. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I love your outlook.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Tammy! The interesting thing about all this is I don’t feel like I’m going through anything. I don’t fill like there is a void. But I must say, if I ever hear the doctors say, “You’re pregnant,” something tells me I might run around and do cartwheels :) . For now though, I feel so incredibly blessed. XOXO

  • http://www.facebook.com/nathanael.neuenschwander Nathanael Neuenschwander

    My wife and I were married 15 years before we had our first. We were beginning to wonder if we would have the chance. Two years before we had our daughter, God began giving us dreams in the nights. I had two dreams that my wife had a daughter and then a son, names included. For those two years, we believed God and prayed back those dreams to him. I told people that we would have two children (at least), a girl and a boy. There were some unknowns, but we trusted God for what we had the faith to trust Him for (remembering that faith is a gift from Him). In July of 2010, we had our daughter. During the time that she was in the womb, I had a distinct dream about my son. He told me that his birthday was Sept 41st (or Sept 44th, did not write it down at the time). I was not sure what to make of that…until 18 months later, he was born on October 11th. Now, we are staying really busy with 2 under 2 and believing that there is a boy coming a little further out, maybe in about two or three years.

    I definitely agree about not being ready. The last few years have been an intense time of healing for my wife and I. We started with a failed adoption (a nephew), moved into Christian counseling, spent a year in Celebrate Recovery (Christian 12 step) to work through emotional brokenness and end up moving out of the institutional church (many faithful years there) into a house church setting where we have grown and grown relationally with God, each other, and with other believers. We would have been OK parents if we had conceived sooner but nothing like what we are today.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      My goodness, Nathaneal, you and your wife went through so much. And I’m SO happy you’re were you are today (with a beautiful family). And how fascinating your son was born on September 41st :) . Looking forward to hearing more about your journey as you continue trying for baby #3.

  • Rhiannon

    I cannot even tell you how thankful I am to have found this blog! I am the happiest wife in the entire world and it can be hard to find others who want to share the love and joy that I feel. I don’t want to be a member of the “ain’t it awful club” I want to be a member of the “I love my husband very much, we’re best friends and I’m so blessed” club. Glad I found it finally! Thank you very much for giving so much. I just joined today and have been reading so many inspiring posts already.
    I love number 5. This is a challenge for me, I like to think I know what is best for me, however I only know what I think I want at the time from my limited perspective. Very insightful and beautifully put.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah! We’re so happy you found us too!! Yes, this is definitely the place for you. I just sent you a “welcome to the club” note but also wanted to respond to your comment to let you know how thankful we found you, as well.