5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

By Christine St. Vil on Monday, February 24, 2014

5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

When I first read this post by HWC contributor, Christine St. Vil, my first thought was, “If I had a dollar for every way marriage has made me a better person I’d be a very rich woman!”

For one, it has stretched me.  It has pushed me out of my comfort zone.  And in the process, made me a much kinder, less selfish, and far more patient and loving woman.

My husband is quick to point out that I was incredibly happy as a single woman.  I had no problem walking into a restaurant and proudly saying, “Dinner for one, please.”

I did not get married because I thought marriage would make me happy nor did I believe I needed someone to complete me.  

I got married because I’ve always believed marriage enhances your life.  That although we could probably make it through this cold world by ourselves, why would we want to?

My husband has made me a better person in every possible sense of the word.  A more loving and humble person.  Would I have arrived at this place without marriage?  Possibly.  But I’m so grateful it wasn’t necessary.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I am still on a marriage high from the launch of the Happy Wives Club book, and all of the amazing blog posts submitted for the blog tour. I haven’t gotten through all of the posts, but the ones that I’ve read have been so inspiring.

I’ve literally been thinking about all of the reasons I’m a happy wife, and how blessed I am to have a happy marriage. It’s been so refreshing to be a part of this community and to see the amount of love there is in marriages all over the world. These are the stories we don’t see or hear enough of, but hopefully that will change soon.

It’s so easy to take for granted what you have because it’s so comfortable and you’re so used to having it. But I literally give thanks every day for my husband and my marriage. I know we make each other a better, and I couldn’t help but think of the different ways that marriage has indeed made me a better person.

5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

1. I’m more giving. For as long as I can remember, my husband has always been the type of person to give the shirt off his back to anyone that needed it, without asking any questions. And although I love to help people and give to people as well, I used to always want to ask questions first.  Witnessing the amount of humility my husband possesses has made me want to give more freely and openly.

2. I’ve learned to compromise. Growing up the sixth child out of seven, I got accustomed to fighting or arguing my way through situations. It was one way or another, and rarely anything in between. Marriage has taught me that we don’t always have to want the same thing but we should always be willing to give up something (even temporarily) so that the other can have.

3. I’m learning more patience. I talk about this all of the time because while I still have a little ways to go, I’ve come an even longer way in this regard. I used to be quick to jump to conclusions and quick to snap at anyone that I thought was challenging me.  Through my husband’s actions and guidance, I’ve learned to listen first before opening my mouth. Marriage has allowed me to grow in patience, which in turn has strengthened not only my marriage, but other relationships as well.

4. I’ve learned to trust. When you go through different things in life and you’ve been burnt a time or two, naturally you treat everyone as if they are going to hurt you too. Marriage has opened me up to trusting in ways I was never able to in the past. It’s allowed me to truly understand what it means to trust completely.

5. I’ve learned to express myself. I am a first generation American, and grew up with very African parents deep rooted in culture. Talking back or forming an opinion that was against theirs was unheard of. Obviously, that’s all they knew as that was how they were raised.

Naturally, I always found it difficult to speak my mind and express my feelings, good or bad as I grew older. My husband is the one who made me feel safe and comfortable in sharing my feelings, which allows for more open and honest communication.

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is amazing. Marriage has made me a better person in more ways than one.

QUESTION: What are some ways that marriage has changed you for the better?

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Christine St. Vil

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities. Sign up at MomsNCharge.com for her FREE audio: The Truth About Mom Guilt: 3 Tips to Getting Over it so You Can FLY (First Love Yourself).

 

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  • Kristi

    I have learned to like myself. I have a better sense of humor. I am calmer. I am more compassionate. I am more confident as well. I have become a better mom. I learned how to love without condition. Finally, I learned to choose how happy I am. I choose to be happy and in love. My husband has given me these gifts.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Your husband sounds amazing,, Kristi! Simply the best.

    • Christine St.Vil

      Awww I love it Kristi!! Thanks so much for sharing and kudos to that awesome hubby of yours :)

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    My husband is very humble too. In fact, sometimes I would tease him that his humility was annoying, lol! But honestly, I believe I have learned to be more gracious and more fair and give people the benefit of a doubt.

    I come from a long line of police officers, including BOTH of my parents, and some siblings and cousins and an uncle, etc. So I have to admit that I grew up rather suspicious and somewhat cynical of people. And I don’t know if that’s because they were cops or it’s just my nature. My parents eventually moved on and got other jobs but I was still cynical….and gullible. It’s probably impossible to be both but I was! Or maybe I was gullible first and grew out of it, haha.

    But he has helped me to not put my own feelings or thoughts onto people, and not infer evil intent where none was intended. Marriage also helped me to learn to communicate whether I wanted to or not. I learned to talk when I didn’t feel like it, and listen when I didn’t feel like it, and love when I didn’t feel like it. Because love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action, and when you do the action the feelings will come.

    I love that man of mine, although there was a time long ago when I felt like I didn’t love him anymore. But that’s a whole other story and God’s grace and my husband’s wonderful love and I’ve hijacked your blog long enough! :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      LOL! I know exactly what you mean, Nan. It seems odd to have to learn humility but that has certainly been the case with me. My husband, on the other hand, is one of the most humble people I know. It’s been a blessing to watch because I never really knew what humility looked like until I met my husband so it has been incredibly instrumental.

      • Christine St.Vil

        OMG Fawn, I say that about my husband alllll the time!!! Are they related? LOL My husband has definitely brought me down several levels and I love it :)

    • Christine St.Vil

      LOL Thanks for sharing Nan! “learn to communicate whether I wanted to or not. I learned to talk when I didn’t feel like it, and listen when I didn’t feel like it” This was very key for me too. It’s amazing what marriage can teach us :)

  • Sunil

    i am not married yet and so anything about marriage (the one with beatific marital experience) intrigues me naturally. I am fascinated to this aspect of living life. I read marriage makes life of men a hell. Is that really so? I hope, I get the good girl as a wife. But for that, I promise to be a good hubby, friend for her.

    • Kristi

      Sunil. Fyi, I was by no means a good girl. Dale loved me anyway. I believed in him and he in me. We were friends prior to marriage. The early years were not easy. Quite frankly we were both idiots. Neither of us cheated or anything, but we made mistakes. I was insane and he raised cane. We knew that the fight was worth it. We were/are committed to each other through the vows. There were times we couldn’t stand each other. Our commitment and loyalty kept us together. Now almost 19 years later, we made it through the rough stuff . We are now waiting for our empty nest that is only a short 1.5 years away. Happy and sad all at same time. We also were not afraid to admit fault, beg for forgivenes, forgive, and love each other through it all. That is my experience. Happines is a choice. We choose to be happily in love. So I am saying to just find the girl who is right for you don’t worry about anything else. If you are right for each other you both will be “good.”

  • Elizabeth Taylor

    My husband is the best man I know. When my dad was alive, my husband was second only to him. My husband has a lot of great qualities that I have always tried to emulate. He is much more patient and kind and understanding than I am. He is much more forgiving and is a great listener. He thinks differently than I do and gives me another way to look at things. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and in my marriage but John patiently listens, helps me figure things out and never, ever judges. Every day I work so hard on making the great qualities that he has be mine as well. It is taking a lot of work for this hot-headed Italian, but I am getting there!

  • Dina

    It tought me what real love is, how to love and trust someone unconditionally.

    Before I met my husband I was in a relationship for almost 10 years, since 16 years old but I was never ‘in love’ and hence never respected enough my boyfriend. I was so not in love that I was even able to cheat him and than hated myself for that. After that I decided I should no longer be with him, although he was ready to forgive me and move on. But I somehow knew it deep inside that I did it once, I might do it again, because at the end of the day I needed to feel ‘in love’
    Meeting my husband has changed me to a better person. He tought me real love and all the challenges, risks and all the beauty it brings. He tought me how to trust him and myself (which was very important to me). Today I’m the happiest and most devoted wife. I’ve learned that happinees comes with my husband’s happiness and love. I will forever cherrish him.

  • http://jasbirtsingh.blogspot.ca/ Jasbir Singh

    I love being married. It makes me a better man.
    http://jasbirtsingh.blogspot.ca/2014/05/marriage-makes-me-better-man.html