3 Things to Make Your Marriage Thrive {Unpacking the Essentials}

We are truly fortunate to have some of the best marriage writers on the web as a part of the contributing team at Happy Wives Club.

Here is one of our favorites, Lori Ferguson!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Some families move from one house to another every few years – others spend decades in a home before they move. Regardless how often you move, once you get to your destination there are essentials needed to settle into your new space.

What goes into your moving “essentials box”?

That first box to be unpacked – the one that travels with you in the car – will hold some items to set you up until the rest of your stuff arrives.  Included are soap, toilet paper, light-bulbs, a shower curtain, and your important documents.  (There are more and if you’re really moving I’d recommend looking at the list here.)

Translating it into marriage.

Just like our homes, over the years our marriages collect a lot of “stuff”.  It’s good stuff – like memories, and routines, and likes/dislikes and traditions. (There’s also junk that needs to be purged – that’s another post!) But if you were to strip away everything superfluous, what would go into your first-to-unpack marriage box?

What is essential for that first bit of comfort?

What’s imperative to make your marriage great – the necessary items to thrive together in a new environment?

Values -Just like your important documents – passports, birth-certificates, and insurance papers – which detail and protect your identity, your values define your identity as a couple. What do you put first? What comes second? Regardless of the situation, your shared values are a compass for your actions. Shared values protect your identity as a couple.

New Ideas - We all come up against issues and situations that leave us in the dark. A room without a working source of light is a useless space. Just like a new light bulb, being filled with ideas, or the ability to search for ideas to solve a problem, creates a workable space. Where do you go for new ideas – solutions?  Light, like new ideas, makes an unfamiliar space comfortable and seeing options makes new situations feel do-able. New Ideas illuminate your way as a couple.

Forgiveness – Making mistakes is part of being human and we regularly disappoint the one we love. Marriage is messy. Getting rid of the dirt is what’s imperative and that’s what forgiveness does. Expressing regret and receiving forgiveness cleans up your relationship. It’s a simple process… but not always easy. Just like the shower curtain keeps the cleaning process contained, and the soap dislodges the dirt, forgiveness is a process. And sometimes it’s necessary to use an entire roll of toilet paper for the other unmentionables life holds. Forgiveness – both being able and willing to express wrong doing, and then forgive – keeps a marriage clean.

Making it work – together.

Like the changes before, during and after a move – where you unpack, and shift things to new spots to work better for you – so a marriage changes from one season to another. Setting up your marriage, having kids, growing kids, leaving kids, illnesses, losses, promotions – they are all different seasons in a marriage. You and your husband remain. Together. As long as you have your “essentials” box, the other stuff can come and go. 

What other “essentials” would you add to your must-have marriage box?

Or what have you left behind when you and your husband have moved from one season to another?

Leave a comment…  Let’s make our own list!

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Lori Ferguson

Lori Ferguson is a writer with a passion to encourage. She’s a Christ follower, wife of 30 years, and mom to grown kids. You can find her online at EncourageYourSpouse.com where she blogs somewhat regularly about encouragement in marriage. Lori and her husband work with couples who lead - in business, ministry & non-profit. Check out LeadershipCouples.com for more information.

Latest posts by Lori Ferguson (see all)

• 5 Tips to Travel Well as a Couple - July 31, 2014
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• Exploring West Virginia - November 14, 2013