Author Archives: Fawn Weaver

About Fawn Weaver

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).

20 Fun Ways to Surprise Your Husband

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Few things make my husband feel more special than a well thought out surprise.

I’m not sure why a gift is better when it comes as a surprise rather than something expected, but over the years I’ve discovered the response is definitely different.

If I’m passing the local frozen yogurt shop and call to see if he wants something to go, he’ll always say yes and will be incredibly grateful to receive it.

But if I stop by the frozen yogurt shop without telling him, and then surprise him later in the evening (right about the time his sweet tooth kicks in), then presto chango: I’m the greatest wife in the world!

Depending on what your hubby enjoys, you’ll want to come up with your own surprises. But here are few ideas to get your creative juices flowing.

20 Fun Ways to Surprise Your Husband

1. Create a music video for him. Even if you don’t have a artsy bone in your body (hand raised here), you can do this!

Free sites like Animoto.com and Slide give you all the tools you need. The only thing you have to do is take the time to pull together some of his favorite photos and select the right music.

2. Give him a ‘just because’ gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to spend much money to come up with a creative gift he’ll love. We’ve come up with 35 cheap, fun and unique gifts for you already.

3. King for a day. Spend an entire day anticipating his wants. This will blow his mind! What is his favorite breakfast? What would he love to see when he comes home? If he wrote down his perfect day for you, what would be on that list? Think about that and then do as many things on that list as possible.

4. Dedicate a song to him on the radio. An oldie but goodie he’d never expect! This one will require some planning (and possibly an hour of calling over and over to your local radio station) but think about how much you’ll make him blush when he hears his name over the airwaves. Just make sure he’s listening to the radio when your dedication comes on.

5. Make a love trail. If you’ve got little ones at home, you’ll need to get creative here so they don’t pick up the trail you attempt to leave behind. Use rose petals, Reese’s Pieces (think E.T. phone home) or whatever he loves to lead him to a special place where the two of you can be alone.

6. Exchange an obligation for a date. I love this one! Ask him to do a mundane task like picking up milk from the store. Then surprise him at the store with tickets to a movie he’s been wanting to see (or tickets to anything) and whisk him away for a special date night he never saw coming.

7. Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. Throw a dinner party and invite his favorite people to come celebrate him with you – for no particular reason. It could be your in-laws, his closest friends, colleagues or whoever he’d enjoy having dinner with and who love him enough to celebrate him (even when it’s not his birthday).

8. Turn your husband gratitude list into a keepsake. You’ve written down all the things you love about your hubby, right? Great! Now, take that list and turn it into a beautiful gift for him. If you’re like me and haven’t been bit by the “creative bug” just Google the term: Free Printable and you’ll get plenty of DIY options.

9. Repair his beloved, well worn objects. I need to do this one! My husband has a green army jacket that’s 30 years old. I keep threatening to throw it away but for some reason that hideous thing ranks high on his list of things to keep. So if your hubby has something like that, this idea just might do the trick (for your sanity and his happiness).

10. Tuck a sexy love note in his pants pocket (or anywhere you know he’ll find it). Write a sexy note (preferably in red ink – meow..) letting him know how much you look forward to seeing him later that night. He’ll be hot and bothered all day and breaking every traffic law to get home!

11.Lather him up and help him shave. By careful with that razor! But this can be loads of fun. And if he likes a close shave, even better. As you reach in close to make sure not to nick him, all he’ll be able to do is stare into your eyes, look at your nose, lust after you lips. Good luck getting him to let you leave the bathroom after you’ve finished!

12. Dinner under the full moon. Did you know there are sites that tell you when the next full moon will take place? Pick a date and then set up dinner for two outside in the beautiful moonlight.

13. Take your hubby on a passport adventure. This one, we usually do with friends, but you can tailor it to just you and your hubby. Create passports. Choose the countries you will visit. Most of all, have fun!

14. Plan a surprise getaway. There’s no need to break the bank. Sign up for local deals from sites like Living Social or Groupon and enter “travel” as something of interest to you. Every time there is a travel deal, you’ll get an email. You may have to delete 100 of those emails before the right one comes but give it time and you’ll find a deal you can’t refuse.

15. Try any one of these 74 simple things to brighten his day. After a tough day or week, there’s nothing your hubby needs more than a little sunshine.

16. Fall in love with his hobby. Well, maybe not fall in love forever…a day is good. Is there something he loves to do that you use your “hall pass” for every time he mentions it? This time, just go with it! Take up his hobby for a day and show interest in something he loves. Who knows, you might figure out exactly why he loves it so much.

17. Touch but don’t taste. Men love to be touched but don’t always want it to lead to sex. I know that goes against popular beliefs but there are times when he just wants to be held. Stroke him. Hold him. And if he wants to go a little further, by all means…

18. Surprise him with lunch at his job. Sync up your lunch time with your hubby’s and make him (or pick up) his favorite lunch and take it to his office. If you’re not able to stay to enjoy it with him, leave it with a sweet note that makes him smile from ear to ear.

19. Get a little flirty. There are so many ways to get flirty with your husband and one of my favorite bloggers, Sheila Wray Gregoire, gives us six ways here.

20. Spice things up. In the bedroom and outside of it, here are 5 great ways to spice up your marriage.

QUESTION: What fun ways have you surprised your husband in the past?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: Read the book that inspired the powerful TED talk and prompted author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, PhD., to write the book’s foreword. Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts said, “We’ve been counseling couples and writing marriage books for a long time, and we can say with absolute certainty, there has never been a book quite like The Argument-Free Marriage. If you think no such union exists, or if you’ve come to the conclusion that arguments are necessary in marriage, allow Fawn to challenge that notion and set you on a path to creating the greatest partnership in life: your marriage.”

A Gift For YOU {48 Hours Only!}

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Whew! It has been an incredible week!! I traveled to New York to be interviewed by HuffPost Live and Essence Live and then on to Toronto to be interviewed by most of the top media outlets there.

I’ve talked with some amazing people and even shocked some as I shared my experience of having an argument-free marriage (this was my favorite interview from the past week). Many of you know what I’m talking about because you’re living it in your marriages, too.

As a thank you for all your amazing support, for the next 48 hours I am offering all of you the chance to receive a digital copy of my first book, Happy Wives Club FOR FREE, with the purchase of my latest book, The Argument Free Marriage.

You can purchase the book online or in store, available in paperback (currently 44% off on Amazon and 41% off on BarnesandNoble.com), on Kindle, Nook and other e-readers as well as audio.

Simply email a copy of your receipt to argumentfreemarriage@gmail.com and a a PDF copy of Happy Wive’s Club will be sent to you right away. That’s it! It’s that simple!

This is an opportunity for you to share one of the books with a friend who may need it, or to make your own marriage even stronger.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Question Everything You Know…Especially, About Marriage Communication

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I grew up a rebel. Questioning everything. I was raised in a religious household but regularly questioned my parent’s faith. I was most fascinated by history in school because it was, for the most part, based on facts. And even then, I questioned all the facts.

When I met my husband, a part of what was so fascinating to him about me is I marched to the beat of my own drum. I would not accept something as true just because it was positioned as truth.

I am still that way today.

Maybe that’s why I’m so excited about my new book, The Argument-Free Marriage, that arrives in stores today (Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million and bookstores across the North America). It is seven years in the making and challenges a pretty basic premise in our society. It asks couples to question something most have been taught to believe: that arguments in marriage are necessary…and they are healthy.

In what other relationship in life would we ever make this claim?

No, really. Consider that for a moment.

Is there any other relationship in life that you would say in order for it to be healthy there must be arguments?

When I began writing this book, it was not for the public. I wanted to give my baby sister a very special wedding present. So I asked Keith to help me create a list of our Top 10 things we consistently did to keep our marriage loving and full of peace.

As we began to write the list, our top 10 ballooned to 25 or so. It wasn’t until then that we realized the amazing marriage we’d created over the years had not been through happenstance but rather through principles we’d developed and boundaries we’d put in place early on in our marriage.

Boundaries like not staying in touch with exes (including respectfully declining their “friend requests” on Facebook) and putting each other over in-laws.

Principles like never sweeping things under the rug, being honest and transparent with each other, even when doing so feels uncomfortably vulnerable.

During challenges -like years of infertility treatments or risky investment choices that caused financial strains- we realized that our principle of always sticking together allowed us to team up to find solutions rather than turn against one another when times got tough.

These principles, and many others, are contained in this marriage communication book that is truly different. (I can say this with confidence because no other marriage book like it exists.)

As a member of this community, I’d like to ask you to consider doing something today. Of course, I’d be honored if you would order the book online or head to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy. But I don’t want you to just order one for yourself.

Try to think of at least one couple (engaged or within their first 7 years of marriage) that could use this book and then purchase two copies for them to join the 28-day challenge contained together.

If you purchase the book online (Amazon has it today for 52% off), send it as a gift with a note. And in that note, encourage them to begin (or continue) creating the marriage they’ve always wanted with the spouse they already have (that’s the subtitle of the book, by the way).

Marriages are failing all around us each and every day. I believe The Argument-Free Marriage has the power to help change that (at least, that is my sincere hope).

Now…has a couple come to mind that you want to gift with this book? If so, when you send it to them, along with your note of encouragement, please consider also sending these words from me: Marriage is a priceless gift. Open it daily and treasure it greatly.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

One Thing You Should Do With Your Spouse…Today

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What is the one thing you should do with your spouse today? Make sure you watch this TED Talk together to be reminded of why your marriage is so incredible.

Do you love TED talks as much as I do? I can watch them for hours. So when I was asked at the end of last year to deliver a TED talk of my own, I just about went to the moon and back.

Some of the greatest minds in the world have given TED talks: Bill Clinton, Brene Brown, Tom Brokaw, Rick Warren, Tony Robinson and my favorite TED talk speaker of all time: Shawn Achor.

If you’re not familiar with TED talks, the concept is simple: give a life-changing, transformative idea in less than 20 minutes. Yes, change the world in twenty minutes…or less.

I was recently given the honor of joining this illustrious group of speakers. WAY out of my league! But they gave me a shot. The chief curator of TEDxPortland, the top TEDx event in the U.S., learned about me through a friend and extended the invitation. In our call, he said (paraphrased), “I want you to share with everyone the real deal about marriage. That everyone argues. Let’s lift off the veil and tell the truth.”

There was only one problem. That wasn’t my truth. So I asked him, that although it might sound far-fetched, could I stand on that grand stage and tell the truth as I know it to be in my own marriage? He said yes.

So I stood on that stage. In front of 3,000 people and told my truth. My husband sat in the audience with a group of friends and family and listened to me share what he and I learned early on in marriage:

There are 3 things every couple can do to help ease into conversations rather than crashing into arguments:

Understand and obey the law of acceleration.
Stick to the original emotion.
Accept this indisputable fact: tomorrow may never come.

When I first began my talk, I could see the disbelief in so many in the audience. “What in the world is an argument-free marriage? Is that even healthy?” I could all but hear people asking. Midway through, I saw those same people leaning forward. And by the time I finished my last word, I could feel so many of the naysayers in the audience had shifted to believers.

Click play now to see what they saw…and if your spouse is with you even better! If not, make sure to watch it and then share it with him.

In some ways, saying, “every couple argues,” and “arguing is normal,” is the easier truth. Standing in front of the world (I believed it streamed live to a million people live…and now lives on forever on YouTube) and going against the norm is a much harder truth.

But I’m so glad I did.

In exactly two weeks, on August 4^th, something amazing is going to happen. The book that inspired this talk, The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage of Your Dreams with the Spouse You Already Have, will begin arriving in mailboxes and be placed on bookstore shelves across North America (Int’l readers: don’t worry, it’s coming your way soon too). And today, officially begins pre-sales so you can make sure you are one of the first to get a copy. (Pre-order from your favorite online retailer or get a list of options here if you don’t already have one.)

If you’re like me and have stocked up on marriage books over the years and feel like many are just repeating what another has said, check out what Gary Chapman, PhD (author of The 5 Love Languages) wrote about it just days after receiving it in the mail. And if that doesn’t convince you that this is a different kind of marriage book, one every couple should have on their bookshelves (after having read it, of course), read what Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot (bestselling authors of Getting Love Right From the Start) had to say about it here.

And what about those who don’t argue? That’s a good question! If you don’t argue, yet your marriage is healthy and loving and neither of you suppress your feelings, you’re in the minority and this book probably isn’t for you. But…it’s definitely for a couple you know and love and want to see enjoy their marriage just as much as you. So pre-order a copy for them.

What many don’t know is bookstores choose which books to place on their shelves based on how many people have pre-ordered it. So if you think you’ll want to read this book, or know someone you want to gift it to, consider pre-ordering it today and sharing this post with a friend. That way, those who might not read this blog will see it in the aisles of their local bookstore.

Wouldn’t that be pretty awesome?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

It Doesn’t Have to Be That Hard: 3 Simple Tips to Make Marriage Awesome

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A few weeks ago, I was sitting next to Peter Mehlman, co-executive producer for Seinfeld, at an author fair where we were both signing our books. I’ll admit to quickly Googling him to find out why this guy (who looked like he’d just rolled out of bed moments before coming) had endorsements on the back of his book from every big wig in Hollywood. I learned he was a really big deal…which, apparently means you don’t have to get all dressed up like far less known authors like me when going to a book signing.

As we began talking about my first book, Happy Wives Club, he asked me about the divorce rate, “I’ve always been a little skeptical of that 50-percent number people use.” I told him the unofficial number is 47-percent but it’s heavily skewed by those who end their marriage in the first couple years.

I told him that number includes so many who get married and then decide they don’t really want to put in the effort to make it great. He looked at me with a slight grin, “You know, I’ve always said it doesn’t have to be that hard.”

My first response was, “That’s a great book title!” (I’m calling dibs on the title, by the way, if it’s not already taken ). And my second was just soaking in the brilliance of that simple statement:

It doesn’t have to be that hard.

The merging of two lives isn’t always easy. Compromising with another human being doesn’t come naturally to most of us. But even with that, many of us make marriage much harder than it was ever meant to be. By applying these three tips, you might be surprised at what simple changes you and your spouse can make to create something truly special.

3 Tips to Make Marriage Awesome

1. Believe that your marriage can and should be awesome. This seems simple, maybe too simple, but you’d be surprised at how most marriages are improved by the small, consistent, simple and little things. If you got married and somewhere along the line began looking at everything that’s wrong, all that your spouse does that’s less than stellar, try shifting your focus. And not just today, but consistently, over time. A glass half full and a glass half empty are still one in the same. If you’ve been looking at your marriage as half empty, try looking at it half full…and then fill up the other half and take a sip.

2. Seek out a couple that has this marriage thing down pat. Keith and I have been doing this for more than a decade. When we see a couple doting over each other 25 years after they said “I do,” we find time to join them for dinner, to have a cup of coffee together, to grab a bite to eat. When you are around a couple that has been creating the marriage of their dreams for a quarter of a century or more, you learn a lot. Just by watching the gentleness in their touch, the hope in their eyes and the palpability of their friendship, you begin to see what your marriage might be missing and the tiny things you can do to make it better.

3. Give yourselves a break. Figuratively and literally. In the figurative sense, we are oftentimes too hard on ourselves. If you’re a perfectionist, like me, you want everything to be right all the time. You want to be the perfect spouse. Give yourselves a break and allow mistakes to be made…in grace. You are, after all, only human. Then literally give yourselves a break (a day off each week).

If I could convince you to do just one thing, it would be to set aside a day for yourselves to do nothing but whatever it is you want to do together. Turn off work mode. Turn off perfectionism mode. Turn off to-do list check off mode. And just be. And don’t only just be…but just be together.

I believe with every bone in my body, and hope I’ll never stop believing, marriage is meant to be one of the most beautiful gifts of our lifetimes. Being given the chance to create a lifelong friendship with someone is a pretty gnarly thing (where “gnarly” just came from I don’t know…but let’s just go with it).

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

5 Secrets to Maintaining Your Happiness {even when you long for more}

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Have you ever longed for something that seemed as though it might never come? Did you find it difficult to keep your inner peace and happiness during this time?

Maintaining your happiness -even when you desire more- is not only possible, it can begin today.

When Keith and I married in 2003, not in a million years could we have predicted more than a decade later we’d still be without children. We picked out our son’s name more than 10 years ago (Grant Edward). We easily agreed on our daughter’s name, as well (Sidney Elisabeth). As of today, we still have neither.

After four IUI cycles (without and without added hormones), the doctors have told us our only option is IVF and it’s quite possible that still won’t work. But here is the important point. In spite of this desire unattained, we are still overwhelmingly happy.

I’ve often heard the stories of women who long to have a child so badly they make everyone, especially their husbands, miserable in the waiting.

It doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way. There is so much life has to offer in the meantime.

Here are 5 secrets to remaining happy, even in the midst of waiting for something you desperately desire:

1. Remain in the present. I know this is so much easier said than done but this is the single most important thing you can do to create and sustain happiness in your life. Dr. Richard Carlson (author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff) did a brilliant job laying this out in his bestselling book, You Can be Happy No Matter What.

2. Be grateful for what you have at this moment. Keith and I have not been able to reproduce and are undergoing fertility treatments (that may or may not eventually work) but our focus is not on this aspect of our lives. Our focus, and gratitude, is centered on everything we currently have and there is so much to be grateful for in this moment.

3. Trust that you do not currently have because you are not yet ready. In life, we go through many seasons and each one is meant to teach us important lessons about who we are and how to best love those around us. To believe you have not yet received because you are not ready is humbling but also a great relief. The latter because it confirms that you have exactly what you were built to have in this very moment.

4. Look at the adversity as a building block for your marriage. Keith and I are a united front on all issues, including this one. Joining together as a team to combat adversity (not against each other but the two of you against the challenge) builds and strengthens your marriage. It’s the “us against the world” mentality that causes the relationship to be closer than close.

5. Thank God for desires unfulfilled. We do not yet know the reason we don’t have children. But what we do know is when we look back at other desires that went unfulfilled, we’re so thankful for each one. So we have to trust we will look back at this time in our lives and be equally grateful. Garth Brooks says it so much better than I ever could with his song, Unanswered Prayers.

If you believe you need more than what you have in this moment to be happy, you never will.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

The Fragility of Marriage: 3 Ways to Create a Marriage Without Regret

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This past weekend, Keith and I drove to Palm Springs for the 50^th birthday of one of our dear friends. While sitting around the table with some of the other birthday guests, one of the women looking at news reports on her phone somberly announced, “Sheryl Sandberg’s husband just died.”

We all gasped.

Not because any of us knew Sheryl well. But we’d seen her and her husband in the press enough to know he young, just a few years older than Keith. They’d been married the same amount of time as Keith and me. He was perfectly healthy and enjoying a vacation with his family when, just that fast, Sheryl Sandberg became a widow at the age of 45. Her most beloved person in the world, greatest motivator and encourager…gone.

I looked at Keith outside in the pool, doing his best to learn how to float, and all of a sudden I just had to be closer. The glass wall that separated him from me in that moment was far too thick. I went outside and just watched. I couldn’t stop smiling. So grateful to have another moment in this life with this amazing man of mine. Thankful that as one young wife was preparing to bury her husband, mine would be emerging from the pool…ready to eat.

I’ve met a lot of young widows over the past few years. And each time it causes me to be reflective of my own life and the fragility of marriage. Here today. Gone tomorrow. It made me think of those smart enough to recognize life is but a vapor and create a marriage without regrets. How do they do it? Here are the first three things that come to mind:

1. Say what you mean but don’t say it mean. Don’t keep things bottled inside. Share with your spouse what’s on your heart. Do your best to do so with vulnerability and with a heart to listen, learn, and love.

2. Make friendship an essential part of your marriage. Love, passion and commitment are all important in creating a union that will withstand the test of time. But don’t just be married…enjoy every moment of it. The best way to do that is to build a marriage with friendship as one of its strongest pillars.

3. Treat today as if it were your last. Early this morning, I had tea with a wonderful friend in town from San Francisco. She and I sat around laughing, hugging and sharing stories about the first time we met. She talked about her husband and I talked about mine. The difference is, at the age of 45 (just a year older than Keith), her otherwise healthy husband boarded a plane in their hometown bound for New York and never made it off that plane alive. Max Lucado has a quote I love, “Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity. Love like there is no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Top 35 Cheap & Creative ‘Just Because’ Gift Ideas For Him

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What better day to give your husband an I love you gift than today? Don’t wait for his birthday or anniversary; he’ll be expecting something then.

Surprise him with a ‘just because’ gift today and absolutely blow his mind!

Last week, I asked our community for their most creative and inexpensive ‘just because’ gift ideas and so many responded.

I then scoured the web for DIY examples (I wasn’t bit by the creativity bug so I need step-by-step instructions) and included several of those links below.

So here you go! Our top 35 cheap & creative ‘just because’ gift ideas for him:

Love Coupons: Love coupons/ vouchers/certificate was the ‘just because’ gift suggested by the most people, including Maria Jade Wong, who recommended vouchers for massages, cooking his favorite meal, etc.
Once in a Blue Moon. “Pick up a six pack of Blue Moon beer and put a cute tag on it…I love you to the moon and back. Or…a love like ours comes along once in a blue moon.” – Stephanie Warner Beal
Bacon Bouquet: Say what?! This idea, submitted by Tanya Pratt, sounds like it was ripped from the script of Duck Dynasty. But I must admit I know a lot of men who would give up any amount of flowers for another slice of bacon.
Break Upon Emergency. “On eBay, you can get key chains that have a hollow pod on the bottom that you can unscrew; they’re designed to hold emergency cash. I bought one for my husband and wrote a love note on a strip of paper, rolled it up and stored it inside.” – Danielle Lake Langley
Work Survival Kit. “I once packed a ‘survival’ kit for work: his favorite coffee, homemade cookies and a pocket joke book. Then for lunch I ordered pizza for him and his crew. And when he got home I had a picnic set up in the living room…he loved it (and so did I).” – Carmen Bisschoff
Turn Old Into New: Love this fabulous idea of turning an old book into a fantastic ‘just because’ gift (make sure to look at the last pic on the page to see how amazing the finished product looks).
List of Love. “Create a list of 100 things you love about your husband, print it out and frame it. The list can be loving, flirty, and show your admiration for him. Read it out loud to him to make it extra special.” – Mallory Ellis
Give Him a Piece of Scotland & Make Him a Lord…literally: When Andrea Cummings Geb Pälmer recommended this I had to reply to ask her if this is even possible. Apparently, it is! This is, by far, the most expensive gift idea on this list but how could I not include it?! You can buy your hubby the title of Lord for £27 by buying 1 sq ft of land in Scotland. No, really.
Make a Shadow Box. “I made a shadow box for my hubby (get the shadow box from any arts & crafts store). Blew up one of his favorite pictures at Walgreens and used it for the background. I also used seashells from our trip to Galveston.” – Kathy Cervantes
Exploding Love Box: By far, one of the most creative and fun ideas we’ve seen out there. And it’s free.
For the Meat Lover. “My husband loves meat. For a special date I used a heart-shaped cookie cutter on deli cheeses and salami. Corny as it sounds he loved my deli tray. We ate it with crackers and wine on a late night picnic in the backyard.” – Jessica Schuett
Giant Candy Love Letter: “When we were dating I made a giant love letter. I wrote the letter on a poster board and substituted different words with candy bars. For example: ‘Sometimes you make me snicker‘ (insert candy bar for snicker). He loved reading and eating it!” – Laura Britt Cherrito
Candlelight is Always Right. “I made a surprise candlelight dinner for my husband a couple of weeks ago. I had everything set up & ready right after giving the kids dinner & putting them to bed early. I even made a music playlist with songs that he & I had dedicated to each other. It was nice. He loved it!” – Carol Bova
Best Husband Certificate: “Make him a “best husband” certificate. When he asks you why, just say ‘because you are‘. Frame it and hang it in your bedroom.” – Anele Ngwekazi
The Sneaky Bird Gets the Worm. “My ‘just because’ gift is always sneaking into his car before he wakes up and leaving a bar of his favorite chocolate with a love letter on his dashboard to remind him how much I love him. It always puts a smile on his face driving to work and a great way to start his day.” – Justina Green
Message in a Balloon: Forget sending a message in a bottle. This is SO much cooler than that!
Card for No Reason. “When I come across beautiful cards I pick them up and send him one when he least expects it. Put a post it note in his shirt pocket that says I’m proud of you.” – Renee Selman
Passport to Love: What a clever gift! Use this DIY crafts project to take your husband around the world for free.
Deal Worth Waiting For. “I put aside some great family pictures and photos of the kids along with a letter from me and thoughts from the kids. Then I waited (not long) for a photo book special and voila a touching memory book for him! There are always free or cheap photo book offers and you can have text and photos.” – Ginnie Macdonald Chapman
Hot Tamale! “My hubby LOVES Hot Tamales. If yours does too, here’s an idea. Buy a bag or box of Hot Tamales or his favorite cinnamon candy and print out a cute note that says, “These are the perfect candy for you…Because you’re both so sweet and HOT!!” – Becky Hall Bittle
52 Things I Love About You: “For Valentine’s Day two years back I took index cards and wrote 52 things/ reason why I love my husband and then I glued them to a deck of cards.” – Chelsey Peters
A Special Homemade Lunch. “I make my husband’s lunch every day. Today, I put a note in a zip lock baggie that said: ‘You bring color into my life.’ I added a handful of skittles in the bag with the note.” – Michelle Anderson-Galvan
Floating Memories: “Balloon bouquet with balloons with hearts and that say I love you. My husband loves those!” – Jamie Pruitt
One of a Kind Gift. “Write him a poem. It comes from the heart & will be one of a kind!!!” – Lindsey Brown-Jaquez
Treasure Chest of Love. “Candy works well-especially with a cute note attached. For instance: A bag or container (I used a small wooden treasure chest from the hobby shop) of Hershey’s Treasures. They look like miniature gold bricks. I put a note saying: Thanks for being such a treasure!” - Stephanie Scevers
‘Why I Love You’ Jar: “I bought a cute jar with a lid, decorated it and cut out strips of colored paper and wrote on each piece all the things I love about him. It was so heartfelt and he loved it! Took more time than money.” – Susanne Estep (You can also do it with stickers on candy)
I Love This Bar. “I like to learn a favorite song of his and surprise him by singing it at karaoke for him and to him in front of a bunch of people at a local bar…who cares if you can’t sing great? He will beam with smiles!” – Angela Lopez
Year of Dates in a Basket: This nifty idea wasn’t one that was submitted but when I stumbled across it online I knew it had to be included! Create 12 dates, arrange them in advance, label the envelopes, and let your hubby open one each month.
Why Buy What You Can Make? “For our first wedding anniversary I bought a book from Kikki.K Stationary titled Love and inside it has things you can fill in like first meeting, first kiss, why I love you etc. It was a great gift and hubby loved it. I think it cost around $30 but you could make your own [for free].” – Bernadette Hay
Create Your Own Storybook: You can always count on The Dating Divas for fabulous gift ideas for your hubby! Most of my favorite ideas come from this group of creative ladies.
Joe Stash. “We made my husband a “Stash” jar. We filled it with his favorite candy or nuts. All you need is a mason jar, some letter stickers, candy/nuts, some ribbon and a mustache sticker. On the jar it said “Joe’s Stash” with the mustache on it! Here’s the link to how we did it.” -Pricilla Jo Ramirez it
Show Him a Little Eye Candy: “You can have a local photographer take a Boudoir photo shoot of you, as tame or artsy as you want, then develop the shots and put them in a little black photo book just for him. It’s inexpensive, fun, different, will make you feel so beautiful and it will make his jaw drop!!” – Keirstin Faircloth
Create a Picnic Indoors. “When I want to do something for my husband (just because) I’ll make a romantic indoor picnic. We’ll sit on a blanket in the middle of our floor and I’ll put out the food, light candles, and turn on some music nice and low. It can be VERY romantic and it costs nothing, really.” – Amanda Sheppard
Seven Days of Love: I’ve featured this unique gift idea on this site previously but it’s so fantastic I had to include it in this list!
Works Every Time. And if you don’t have time to do any of the other things on this list: “Wrap yourself in a bow…it works every time!” -Dawn Aquino-Dossantos

QUESTION: What ‘just because’ gift have you given your husband that knocked his socks off?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

25 Awesome Anniversary Gift Ideas for Under $25

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Have you ever been just a couple days away from your wedding anniversary and trying to figure out what meaningful gift you can get…inexpensively? Yep, been there, done that. But have no fear, you (and I) never have to go through that again.

Yesterday, we posed a simple question to Happy Wives Club members on our Facebook Community page: What is the most creative anniversary gift you (and/or your husband) has ever given for less than $25? And we got back some pretty awesome answers!

These are just a few of our favorites. Feel free to borrow these ideas and make them your own. I most certainly will!

1. For our first anniversary (which is traditionally the paper anniversary), I took sand from Lake Michigan (where my husband was born) and put it in an old bottle with a stopper top. Then I took a piece of paper and “aged” it with coffee and tea grounds. When it dried, I printed a poem I wrote on it, burned the edges to make it look OLD, rolled it up, tied it with a red ribbon, and put it in the bottle. He loved it and it still sits on his dresser by the bed! -Carla

2. My husband took the batteries out of a wall clock, set it to the time we got married, and wrote a poem around the outside of it. -Stephanie

3. I bought a jar and filled it with his favorite candy and wrapped each candy with a piece of paper that had a reason why I love him. -Shelley

4. On our first year anniversary, my husband gave me a photo album he had worked on the entire year to commemorate our first year together. -Sharon

5. One year we decided to get creative and set a $5 limit and whatever we did it had to fit in a noodle box. My husband made me a Red Vine bouquet and I filled his with Love Notes candy! -Sherry-Jane

6. I went on Shutterfly and put a picture of us at our wedding on a shirt w/ the caption “Married My Best Friend” and our wedding date. -Vanessa

7. In a small box, I placed inside a test pack w/ a positive pregnancy result… we’d been longing for 8 years.-Jyra

8. A six-pack of diet Coke and a gallon of chocolate ice cream — it was meaningful to the two of us, something no one else would think of giving me….expensive gifts just bought as a gift can’t hold a candle to something simple and inexpensive with loads of personal meaning. -Kelly

9. I made a poster of the different popular love teams (i.e tarzan & jane, mickey and minnie mouse) and in the middle I put our names in bolder, bigger letters and put it in a romantic frame I personally made. -Sheila

10. I got $20 dollars worth in $2 dollar bills and printed labels with things we could do and rolled them up. (go to the dollar show, get ice cream, go for a walk to the store to get a candy…) It was fun and we got to spend time together. -Urinda

11. A puzzle with a picture of your wedding and you can spend time every year putting it together they make them at Walmart or Meijer. -Adilene

12. My sweet hubby made me a DVD of family pictures from when we dated through our 10th anniversary using some of my favorite music as background. It was a complete surprise and is my most prized gift from him (we’ve been married 22 years now – hoping for an updated version ). -Tonya

13. My husband gave me this Love basket with all my favorite things in it (smell goods “candy” whitebear that smells like chocolate and a red and pink heart with a rose in my name). -Lori

14. An envelope full of handmade vouchers for a back tickle, massage, favourite dinner, movie night, etc. He could redeem his vouchers whenever he wanted. -Claire

15. I arranged for the children to be gone & prepared a dinner & greeted him in a piece of lingerie & dinner & dessert was me. -Valerie

16. A mix cd of songs from our dating and married life that reminded me of him or a special memory we share. We love to listen to it. It is like memory lane of our marriage and it always shows us how far we have come, let’s enjoy where we have been and look forward to where we are going! -Jamie

17. For our 25th Anniversary I gave my husband a silver trophy that read To My Greatest Friend and Lover. He really enjoyed his gift since he never received one as a child. Now, he’s looking forward to our 50th for another trophy. -Dawn

18. I cross stitched a wedding sampler for our 25th anniversary for my husband. It didn’t cost much at all. -Tina

19. One year gave him a heart shaped box with a note inside “this heart is filled with kisses for you from me.” He loved it! -June

20. Etsy has wonderfully thoughtful gifts. Ordered a print with all the family’s important dates on it-wedding day, births of our children, etc. -Julie

21. I made him a video that told him all the things I love about him and put pictures of us throughout our relationship. He loved it! -Michelle

22. Our anniversary is on Groundhog Day..so I went to Build-A-Bear and made my husband a groundhog and included inside the stuffed animal a personal message I recorded while making “Phil”. He LOVED it! -Stephanie

23. Husband made me a dozen roses out of my favorite candy (stuffed Twizzlers). -Brittany

24. Wrote out the words of all the little ways he shows me love everyday and framed it… stamped 3 hearts on the frame (for our third anniversary) displayed it in the bathroom where we see it everyday 10 years later. -Jacqueline

25. At-home spa day. Treat your spouse to a 30-minute massage, followed by an enzyme facial (don’t attempt to do extractions…enzyme facial mask will do the trick and can be purchased anywhere for less than $20), manicure and pedicure. -Fawn (yep, I just came up with this one so I’d better try it out myself ).

QUESTION: Do you have any great anniversary gift ideas for less than $25? Please share them with us! (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas

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We all know how important frequent date nights are for keeping the fire burning with our spouse.

But when money is tight, or a babysitter is nowhere to be found, keeping a regular date night can be a challenge. We’re here to help!

We’ve scoured the web, looking for the best, cheapest, most creative stay-at-home date night ideas and compiled a list of the top 20 we found online.

So grab your hubby, put the kids down for the night, and get your date night on!

Iron Chef Chocolate: Make a meal with chocolate featured in every course. Who says chocolate can’t be served as a main course? You can either make a meal together or divide up the courses between each of you and surprise the other with your sweet & savory creations.
Strip Trivia: Make it a hot night with this sizzling bedroom game. Tease each other with one steamy question at a time to set one another on fire!
Make It a Theme Night! Choose a theme and center everything you do around it. For example, if you choose an Italian theme, you could eat spaghetti and gelato, then watch a movie like The Italian Job or Life is Beautiful. Some other fun theme ideas: Mexican, Asian, Christmas, Kid’s theme, 1950′s (or any decade), etcetera.
Living Room Camp-Out : Get anything you have that makes you feel like your camping out and set it up in your living room (i.e. camping chairs, turn off the lights and use flashlights, blanket…). Make tin foil dinners in your oven for the dinner.
Crepes in Paris (no ticket required): Spend an evening in Paris right in your very own home enjoying create-your-own-crepes and creative spouse caricatures. So fun!
Create a DIY Photoshoot: When’s the last time the two of you were in the same photo? Using your tripod or Apple photo booth, snap pics together in various rooms of your home for memories you’ll never forget.
Kid-Free Slumber Party: Make a cozy pallet for you and your spouse on the living room floor [with] lots of blankets, pillows, snacks, and movies. We call it a ‘slumber party.‘ It’s a little silly, but super fun and makes us enjoy the little things in life.
All Dressed Up & Nowhere to Go: Pull out your nicest formal dress from your last cruise or even from your high school or college prom (if yours still fits.. good for you! I’m not even close to fitting into mine), light dozens of tea candles, and have a romantic, fancy dinner.
Out of Character: Dress up as an actor from a movie and pick the character for each other (think Tom Cruise in Risky Business).
Dream Date by Design: Design your own Dream Date with an easy survey! Have your sweetheart do one also, to create two amazing dates!
Turn Your Bedroom Into a Love Nest : I purchased a bed canopy years ago. Occasionally I’ll pull it out, dust it off and put it up for the night. Then I fill the room with candlelight and other sundry romantic items and pretend that Mr. Beguiles and I are tucked away in a sumptuous hotel room or cottage somewhere.
Karaoke Night - oh yeah! Find songs with lyrics on YouTube and sing your heart out. This is funniest if you can find some heart-wrenching ballads to belt out.
Dance the night away: It has all the intimacy of a club without the downside of slipping in spilled drinks. Rehash the days of the high school dance. Turn down the lights, turn up the music and be sure to dance two feet apart. Just kidding! Getting close is the point, and what better way to get close to your spouse than dancing in your own private gala?
Vacation Planning Date: Turn planning your next vacation into a fabulous and fun date night with our great printables!
Get a Taste of Another Culture: Plan out a delish meal of Paella and sangria, prepare it together and then dig in. Love Indian? Make your own Chicken Tikka Masala.
Write out the story of how you met (and fell in love): Better yet- video tape it! Your kids and future posterity will be so grateful and it is so fun to go back and read (or watch) years down the road. It’s amazing how much you will forget!
Wine Bar at Home: Buy a few different bottles of wine (get 20 great picks under $20), make a plate of meats and cheeses, light some candles and load up your iPod with your favorite tunes.
Something Old, New, Borrowed & Blue! Celebrate your lifelong commitment to your sweetheart with this “Something Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue” themed date! This date is a true celebration of love.
Play the Newlywed Game! See how well you really know one another. Have prizes for every correct answer. You can check out some fun questions here.
It’s a Love Match! Create some sparks with your sweetheart with this free printable that puts a romantic spin on the classic game of Memory!

Didn’t find something on this list that floats your boat? Find an endless amount of creative and cheap stay-at-home date nights at my absolute favorite date night site: The Dating Divas. These fabulous ladies love their hubbies and have made a career out of sharing their awesome date night ideas with us.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

15 Most Creative & Cheap Stay-at-Home Date Night Ideas

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When I wrote the post on the top 20 stay-at-home date nights a couple months ago, I had no idea how popular it would become.

To date, that post has been viewed more than 1.5 million times – making it the most popular on our site. Whoa!

This past weekend, I thought I’d challenge myself to find 15 more creative and cheap stay-at-home date night ideas.

I knew it would be tough because the first time around, I spent quite a while looking for the best and most creative on the web.

Was I able to find any awesome new ones? Were there some still out there I missed? Well, I’ll let you decide for yourself.

This new list doesn’t replace our Top 20 on the Web so if you haven’t seen that one, definitely check it out.

But if you’ve seen that one and are looking for even more options, here are 15 more creative and cheap stay-at-home date nights.

Between these two lists, I’m fairly certain we’ve found the Top 35 stay-at-home date nights on the web. And if we missed any super creative ones, please drop those off in the comments section below. Inquiring minds want to know!

Become Cook-Off Champions! Have you ever been to a restaurant proudly displaying a plaque that read, “Winner of the (So and So) Cook-Off” and thought, “I could make this better!” Well, here’s your chance!

Scour the web for award-winning recipes for chili, cheesecake, carrot cake and anything else you think you and your spouse could make well, and spend the night perfecting that award-winning recipes (think Bobby Flay’s Throwdown).

And if you’re feeling really good about your dish by the end of the night, enter a local contest (like this) to show off your goods.
At Home County Fair. When was the last time you attended the country fair? My favorite part: candy apples! So while you might not cover the ground of your backyard with peanut shells or sit on haystacks, you can do almost everything else (use this at-home county fair date night checklist idea list) – including make homemade caramel apples!
‘Color Me Mine’ at Home (Create a Personalized Mug). My hubby would love this one! Coffee runs through his veins for sure. Purchase inexpensive white mugs, pick a sharpie, draw on it, bake it, and enjoy “the best part of waking up is (fill in brand) in your cup.”
Create Your Own National Holiday. Did you know there is a Married to a Scorpio Support Day? Yep, it’s November 18th. What about No Socks Day. Uh huh…May 8th. Last night, we were at a Pan-Asian restaurant and they were promoting the upcoming National Noodle Day (October 6th for all you noodle lovers). So why not create your own national holiday, mark it on your calendar and celebrate it each and every year? It’s not too late to declare tomorrow National Lazy Day?
Night of Bubbly. How many fun things can you think of that involve bubbles? Bubble bath, champagne, bubble wrap, homemade soda, super-sized bubbles – everything that comes to mind, get it and have a night filled with bubblelicious fun. Because bubbles make everything better!
Good Ole’ Fashioned Fish Fry. Bet you never thought about this one! This is especially fun if you don’t live in the south and have only seen a fish fry on television. In the south, when you tell folks you’re having a fish fry, everyone you know shows up! But there’s nothing better than a fish fry for two.
Fried catfish, hushpuppies, everything your heart desires. You can even go all out and purchase one of those red and white checkered table clothes and a “fish fry apron.” There’s no limit to your fish fry night of fun and if you’re feeling fully southern, try this ‘smack your mamma good’ peach cobbler to cap off your evening of fun.
Spend a Night in Italy. Love this date night idea from AskMen. A night in Italy might include homemade pizzas, a bottle of Chianti, gelato, and an Italian-themed movie such as Life is Beautiful or The Italian Job. You may even want to take it one step further and make it a night in Italy in the 1950s, in which case you should dress and decorate accordingly and watch Roman Holiday or The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Dine Al Fresco. This one can be done in your front yard, backyard, or if you’re feeling adventurous, set up dinner in a center medium of a non-busy street. (Technically, dinner on a street median isn’t stay-at-home but I saw this here and thought that sounded like too much fun not to include!)
Fill the Bucket (list, that is). Last week, I met a man in his mid-70s who put on his bucket list 40+ years ago to travel to more than 200 non-US cities in his lifetime. He was at #182 and was hitting the road this summer to travel to another 10 more. Talk about inspiration! Grab a couple notebooks and write down all the dreams you hope to accomplish before you ‘kick the bucket’ and decide together which ones you will tackle first.
Strip Scrabble. SO happy my Scrabble-loving mother didn’t discover this while we were kids! The rules are simple: The spouse who cannot score higher than the other must remove an article of clothing. If a spouse ‘challenges’ a word and wins, s/he can put an article of clothing back on; if s/he loses, s/he must remove an article of clothing. Winner may make any one request of the losing spouse (make it good ).
Trilogy Movie Marathon. Who knew there were so many trilogies out there?! The Lord of the Rings. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Mission Impossible 1, 2, and 3. The Mighty Ducks (not kidding, there really was three). Get out a huge bowl, pop some of your favorite popcorn, make your own movie theater Icees (oh yeah, these can be made at home!) and enjoy the best date night at the movies ever!
Dancing with the Stars. YOU be the judge in this season’s Dancing with the Stars! With free printable score cards and a championship bracket from the fabulous ladies over at The Dating Divas – watching the show just got more exciting!
Chocolate Tasting Night. Okay, so this is probably more for you than for your hubby but what can’t a ton of chocolate make better? Purchase tons of unique chocolates, use this awesome tasting mat printable and have a blast. But remember what happened to the kid in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory that ate too much candy… Pace yourself, my friend.
Fake Vacation. Virtual vacation, anyone? Short on time, short on money, can’t get away? Love this idea HWC contributor Paula Rollo came up with when she and her hubby were in a similar predicament last year.
Catch a Sunrise (or sunset). The date doesn’t have to end just because the night did. Wake up super early, pull the blankets off your bed (or out of a closet) and create a makeshift breakfast picnic while watching the sunrise. Check SunriseSunset.com to find out exactly what time to set your alarm for (or you can just pretend you’re still a teenager and stay up through the night).

I’m pretty sure this is it for the Top Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas list. But if we missed any that you think are better than our Top 35, make sure to include it in the comments below.

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

The Marriage Tip Only Few People Know (P.S. It Changes Everything)

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When I first wrote this post over a year ago, very few people knew I was in the midst of finishing my second book, The Argument-Free Marriage. This ”marriage tip” of sticking to the original emotion is just one of 28 gems contained in my new book.

Now, that book will release on Tuesday, August 4th (yes, THIS Tuesday). The subtitle of the book, I believe, says it all: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted With the Spouse You Already Have.

Creating an argument-free marriage is not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about arguing less and loving more. It’s about rejecting the common thinking that a couple must argue to have a passionate relationship. It’s about communicating with complete honesty, transparency, not sweeping things under the rug, and getting what it is you both desire most in life and your marriage.

It is possible! Even in this crazy world where everyone tells you marriage will be sooooo hard. What if…just what if, it was never meant to be that hard? What if through the power of words, the addition of consistent vulnerability, and the removal of assumptions you could make marriage less hard and more fun?

Give this article a read (if you haven’t already – as I think it’s been shared more than 150K times) and even consider watching the TED talk I recently gave in which I dove into the 3 things everyone can do to create an argument-free marriage.

Before you knock it…give it a try. You might be surprised at the amazing, wonderful, extraordinary results you and your spouse have at the end of this 28-day challenge.

Oh yes, and I can’t forget to tell you…this book has been the #1 new release on Amazon (marriage category) since we announced its availability for pre-sales last week. Thank you if you already pre-ordered and are one of the reasons it’s been hanging out at the #1 spot for so long. And get this! Amazon is offering the book at 51% off (that is as of the moment I’m writing this, grab it now as there’s no way for me to know when that will change). Order it today -maybe even one for you your spouse so you can have your own book when taking the challenge together- and get it in your mailbox next week.

Whether you buy the book or not, please watch the TED talk and give this article a read. Your marriage will thank you. So much love to you and yours! <3

__________________________________

Several years ago, I came home for lunch in the middle of my work day and did something I’d never done before. I sat on the couch and turned on the television.

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason.

My usual departure from running around the kitchen, stuffing something into my mouth and then heading back to work was –I believe- so I could share this with you.

On my television screen that day sat Rosie O’Donnell on the couch that made Oprah the “queen of talk.” Attempting to make reparations to her image, Rosie talked about the huge fight between her and iconic journalist Barbara Walters, which resulted in O’Donnell leaving the Emmy-award-winning show The View.

Oprah asked, “Do you regret that moment?”

“Yes, I do,” O’Donnell responded. She said she regretted using her words as weapons and how her out-of-control rage “scared” Walters.

What O’Donnell said next confounded even the talk-show host herself: “For me, at that moment, if I had been braver, I would have just cried and said, ‘You really hurt my feelings.’”

Clearly dumbfounded, Oprah clapped her hands as if having one of her famous aha moments and said, “That is so interesting! That you would say, ‘If I had been braver, I would have just cried.’ Because oftentimes crying is perceived as the weak thing to do.”

She then asked O’Donnell why crying would have been braver than yelling and saying hurtful words.

“Because then you’re vulnerable. Then the authentic feeling that I had, [which] was pain and hurt and rejection [would have come out].” Instead, as she told Oprah, she put on the same armor she’d chosen to protect her since she was a child. She shielded her vulnerability, and masked her hurt feelings, with anger.

Consider the last time you were in an argument with your spouse. Hold that thought there for a brief moment, but don’t allow yourself to become angry all over again. Now that you have the thought in your mind, let’s talk about it.

What was the exact thing that set you off? I’m talking about what you felt, not what you discussed. What was your original emotion in that moment? Was it hurt? Fear? Sadness? Disappointment? Insecurity? What portion of your underbelly was exposed?

When we become angry enough to begin arguing, especially with someone we love as much as our spouse, we have allowed the original emotion—which would expose our vulnerability—to be covered up by a more aggressive, defensive response.

Rather than exposing the softer side of ourselves, we put up a shield and pull out our verbal sword and begin swinging. We swing left, we swing right, aimlessly out of control and missing the target every time. Yes, we may slice and dice the heart of our spouse, but we miss the mark because we’ve not dealt with the true emotion we’re feeling.

In 2010, I founded the Happy Wives Club with five women who all lived within a 20 mile radius of my home. Now, just four years later, the club has grown to a community of over 750,000 women in more than 110 countries.

Each week, I write on the pages of the this blog. I post encouraging words for you. I share great tips from other happy wives and spend hours each day responding to emails from women around the world.

When writing my book, I traveled to 12 countries on 6 continents interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to deduce the common denominators. But never -not in the book or on my blog- have I shared this one marriage tip.

I am open as a book when it comes to this community and yet there is one secret I have kept to myself for all these years. And quite frankly, if I hadn’t accidentally let it slip in a recent interview with a writer from Babble, who then wrote a full page article on it, it would probably still be my little secret.

Well, here goes… (Please don’t judge.)

My husband, Keith, and I –in our 11 years of marriage- have never argued. Anyone who knows us can attest to us both being strong and independent people, but in all that time, I’ve never raised my voice at him and he’s never raised his at me.

We talk about everything. And I mean everything. We don’t suppress or repress our feelings and we never say things under our breath. We don’t sweep anything under the rug. If he does something I don’t like, I let him know it. When I do something he’s not very fond of, you better believe he lets me know. From an early age, I’ve always been a bit of a fire piston. (I can hear my father in heaven saying, “Amen!”) And Keith is the strongest man I know.

And yet, we’ve never argued. How is that even possible? It’s my difficulty in answering that question in a short blog post or article that has kept me from even attempting to try. The short answer is this: 1) Mutual respect and 2) We stick to the original emotion.

We strive, every moment we are together, to remain vulnerable with one another. Yes, that can feel strange at first, but I have to tell you, it feels amazing because we’ve never wasted time making up. Now, of course that means we’ve never experienced “make-up sex” (which I hear can be pretty fantastic). But then again, why not figure out a way to create that passion –inside and outside of the bed- without the preceding anger?

Most of us are taught from an early age that arguing is normal. Getting mad is how couples communicate when upset. We are shown how to guard our true feelings and emotions by protecting our hearts. We learn that it’s better to go on the offensive than to find ourselves exposed. The problem with all this in marriage is that learned behavior leads to blind conversations. You’re never really fighting about what it is you think you are fighting about.

Sticking with the original emotion—remaining in a place of vulnerability—is the crux of bypassing arguments and getting to the heart of a matter. My husband and I didn’t learn our “love languages” (as wonderfully defined by Dr. Gary Chapman) until we’d been married nine years. But it didn’t matter because our respect for one another was so great that everything we did and said was with love and the highest amount of honor.

Mutual vulnerability and respect allows you both to lay it all out on the table. Your dreams, hopes, ambitions, fears, hurt … nothing is off-limits.

We can’t keep everything bottled inside. We all need to have that one person we can be completely honest with about our perceived failures, hurts, successes, and hopes. We need to have at least one person who will love and respect us unconditionally. Who better than the one who shares your bed at night to share your deepest desires also?

As Rosie O’Donnell reminded us all through her uncontrolled rage that fateful day in Barbara Walters’ dressing room: there is great wisdom in sticking with the original emotion, if we would just be brave enough to be vulnerable.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: Read the book that inspired the powerful TED talk and prompted bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, PhD., to write a foreword for the book that recommends a ‘cease fire’ on arguments for 28 days and to instead choose a different (better) way to communicate.

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